最后一篇作文了， 清大家帮忙修改，我知道我写的很差，可还是发上来了。谢谢了。

han35UID: 2333063

Topic 70 The automobiles bring serious problems or improve people's morden life?
With the improvement of our life quality, automoblies become a general transportantion. The increasing automobiles bring not only convinient , but also serious problems that can't be ignored.

Automobiles cause pollution. Firstly, automobiles discharge harmful gases, like carborn dioxide which causes the greenhouse effect that threatening our environment. As all know, some glaciers are melting due to the greenhouse effect.Secondly, automobiles make noises when staring engines. The noises make people annoyed and impatient in the day and sleepless at  night. Take me as an example. My bed room faces a highway, in the morning about half past 4 I wake up for the automobiles' noises. At night I always stay up late also for those noises.

Furthermore, the increasing automobiles bring terrible terrfic. Traffic jam became common in every city's every road. Once I got up late in the morning and it was raining very heavily ,so dad  deliver me to school by his automobile in case of lating for school.We spent 25 minutes to drive to school because of the traffic jam, as a result I was late. In fact I walk to school only need 15 minutes. But before it only spent 5 minutes driving to school. Nowdays the highways, roads became crowded and dad haven't used his automobile for almost 3 months.

Finally, increasing demand of fuels cause the shortness of petroleum. I rememberd last vacation, we went to hiking, on the way to the destination we passed by a gas station. We were astonished by the numerous automobiles that were waiting to refuel. From that day's news we learnt that, because if the shortness of petroline, our country set a policy to limit the offering of petroleum.

From what we have discussed above, we may come to a conclusion that automobiles bring serious prombles,for bringing pollution, tarffic jam as well as shortness of petroleum resource.  

谢谢你们了。

[ 本帖最后由 han35 于 2007-6-25 10:38 编辑 ]

halkingUID: 2291422

有点短！而且问题很多

第一段：开头段过于老套，我高中写就用这个句式了，convinient 应该是名词形式！！！！serious problems 应该换一个其他的同义词组，这样可以体现出对词汇的运用能力，这是ETS高分作文的要求之一。

还有，这句话the increasing automobiles bring terrible terrfic过于偏颇，除非很有力的逻辑论证或者例证，否则建议你话到嘴边留三分换掉terrible那个词！！！

文章中缺乏轻微的让步语气，这个在议论文中很重要，可以体现出你的严谨和大度，美国人也比较喜欢这一点！

jituo157UID: 2354312

楼上的真是高手阿

eric145UID: 2255343

高手

youngerhotUID: 2286031

zan,一楼分析的真是不错，像T这样的题目是不是可以说问题和好处共存，像G的issue那样写？从两面来写

halkingUID: 2291422

差不多的样子！因为都是议论文，不过要有侧重点！不能均分秋色！

但是，T作文有个好处，据说可以写成散文格式，呵呵呵！我没试过，至少我的语言能力还到不了可以驾驭英语散文的地步，呵呵，相对来说议论文比较好写，因为结构很好控制，考场上可以节省时间！

bryantdUID: 2351437

请问你是什么学生？大学生还是什么？总体感觉不错，调理比较清楚。但是个人认为有些句子还是应该更加精雕细琢一下。按照你的写作思路，我也写了一篇，可能没有你写得好，拿出来和你一起分享一下：）
Nowadays, for many Chinese citizens, driving to school or work is not a dream, and private car has never been considered as a measuring tool for one’s position in society. Automobiles are running into thousands of ordinary families. As far as we know, Cars bring about not only advantage such as convenience and high speed, but also play a role of trouble maker at a range from traffic condition to people’s daily life.
For one thing, the increasing number of automobiles has become the main reason of air pollution according to scientific investigation. They release some kind of harmful gases like carbon dioxide causing the green house effect, whose typical direct sequence is the acid rain. It is harmful for people’s health, more seriously, it has a strong negative influence on crops harvest as well. We should pay more attention to this because we can not replace the eating of driving.
For another thing, are you willing to be woken up at 5 o’ clock in the morning because of the noise made by cars? For most of you, absolutely not. So, that is the question. Although the traffic policy makers has realized this matter and some rules have been carried out, including the limited 鸣笛ing time and zone, the enough distance between main road and building, etc, It’s still a hardly avoiding difficult for drivers to make their cars silent.
Finally, maybe the biggest problem, is the traffic jam. In everyday’s rush hour, large amount of cars runs on the narrow road which was supposed to be wide enough, as a result, it takes cars at the end of the queue half an hour to creep only 10 meters. Once, a leader of non-car campaign asked a question to the public: John always spends about 15 minutes walking to school, but one day, it took his 2 hours, why? Many varities of answers were delivered to the asker, but none is the reality. As a matter of fact, John had owned a car from then on.
From what we have discussed above, we may come to a conclusion that automobiles do bring about some problems. But it is impossible to abandon the car production for its’ big financial income and its’ advantages that can not be ignored. So we should try best to solve the problem of how to make a balance between the positive and negative aspects of the automobiles, rather than to debate over the quantity and level of pollution caused by automobiles.

youngerhotUID: 2286031

嗯，就是说T作文可以稍稍感性些，不用刻板的来论证，举例，比较，可以抒发一下自己的感想

halkingUID: 2291422

当然可以，但是那样就对句子的要求就要高一些，否则就是画蛇添足了！

散文杂文之类的你能写好的话，可以指点我一下！因为那种层次已经可以算一个高手了！

此外，毕竟是考试啊，时间是有限的，如何拿分是关键！

具体的句子精雕细琢倒是没有必要，关键是考场上没有时间精雕细琢，那是基本功！要靠平时练习的！

han35UID: 2333063

你太谦虚了，你的句子，语法，单词用的都很漂亮，不像我的，呵呵，太丢脸了。

加油！！

我也会在抱抱佛脚的。

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

Many indicators of environment quality point the pollutant to the emission of exhaust from the tailpipes of automobile. It seems that automobiles do more harm than good to human beings. So assuming a situation in which all automobiles are wiped out, what will happen?

First, our super markets or grocery stores will lack supply of produce and other product. We have no food to buy. Because it is automiles transfer these products from factories, farms, harbors, airports to the retail shops. Without cars, we will feel difficult to get the suppermarks which are mostly built in the suburbans.

Without automobiles, most power plants will not be able to generate electricity to provide a community. Most of our energy comes from coal burning process in a power plant that transfer heat energy to electricity. Without automoles, coal may still stay near the coal mine, even a train can move it to city, automobiles are still required to transfer coal to the plants. Without electricity, our life would have to back to stone age!

Though telephon and internet can deliver message to remote areas, they would become useless if no vehicles can deliver the products from one place to others. The modern life depends mainly on two things: automobile and telecommunication. The telecommunication extends our eyes and ears, the automobile extends our hands and feet.

The traffic jam is a by-product of highly-development of automobile industry. We can build more and better highway system and streets to improve traffic condition. Though people worry about the global warming, geologists may have different explanations. Nobody is sure whether we are approaching a warmer or cooler climate in the long-term period. Despite the effect on environment, the benefit brought by automobile is tangible. Our modern life can not go better without automobiles.

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-6-26 00:25 编辑 ]

susanchynUID: 2345136

opic 70 The automobiles bring serious problems or improve people's morden [modern] life?
With the improvement of our life quality, automoblies become a general transportantion. The increasing automobiles bring not only convinient , but also serious problems that can't be ignored.

The above paragraph is not bad, but has one flaw that is important to change—that is, you should stress one obvious position—either for or against “automobiles.” (Note how I added the word “unfortunately” to make the position very clear.)  When your opinion is absolutely CLEAR, and clearly expressed in the first few sentences, the ETS raters will usually give you a higher score because your supporting paragraphs will be consistent (and clear).

Here is a good revision:

As the quality of our life improves, automobiles have become a common form of transportation. Unfortunately, cars have brought us more than convenience; they have created a host of serious problems that cannot be ignored.


The supporting paragraphs are generally good, although in places there are small grammatical errors. But those small grammatical errors will not keep your score down.  HOWEVER, you really need to be more careful with your spelling, because there are lots of spelling errors and some of those errors cause the reader to be confused.

One final tiny comment:  You are using the gerund (“increasing”) for your noun form, and that’s not technically wrong—however, it’s not idiomatic. The NOUN form is “increase.”  “Increasing” would be more often used as an adjective, as in “increasing amount of pollutants in the air.”

In terms of organization, your essay is great!  Just pay attention to the things I have mentioned.