issue48 victors小组第三次作业

DavidBoyUID: 2140040

题目：ISSUE 48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
字数：456          用时：1:10:56          日期：2007-7-4

It is true that history is made by groups of people instead of the famous few. Among these groups of people, all almost everytime there is a key person acting as a leader or innovator promoting a society process or starting an reform that changed the history. That key person may be emphsized more than other ordinary people while study of history.

There is tight relationship between individuals from the old days to present that everyone is affected by the persons around him or someone he doesn't know at all. The decission or act made by a person all by himself from surfice looking is actually effected by many people. What is more, the strength of one person is limited while facing the power of history. Only groups of people united together can put the wheel of history forward.

Although the history is made by groups of people, there must be someone special. In a society reform, a leader who can incent the crowds' ardor is necessary; in a science innovation, an innovator who has a willpower to hold him up in front of thousands of failure despite of quit of other scientist and never be afraid of no success to the end; in the transform time, we need a defender insisting his own mind and never giving up even facing death; in a battle, only a general having strategy and knowing how to beat enimies can take his army to victory. We have Martin L King,Yuan Longping,Garlileo and Bardon in the history. All the significant events were not made all by themselves. There are lots of people acting as supporters,assistants,teacher and soldiers. But it is them who lead,insist and innovate that perform an important task to promote the history process. The famous person is acting in the history as a key person.

The famous person being remembered better than others doesn't mean the crownds are forgotten today. They are just remembered in different methods, for example, as a group. When we learn about the history stories, we will think of them. There are figures who are common sodiers of civil war on the wall in front of Tiananmen Buiding to ceremony them. History is so long a process that not everyone can be remembered, the common people's figure can only be found in the events of history.

Not only the significant events and trends but also all the history is made by groups of people whose names may not be discovered now. The famous people we remembered today are almost all the key persons in history. When we want to know about the common ones, we can open history books and finds the day they are living and the events they experienced to conprehend them.

DavidBoyUID: 2140040

原帖由 DavidBoy 于 2007-7-4 19:39 发表
issue48 victors小组第三次作业

It is true that history is made bygroups of people instead of the famous few. Among these groups of people, allalmost every time there is a key person( 不严谨，大多数时候不是一个人，而是the famous few) acting as a leader or innovator promoting a societyprocess( promoting process 我不知道有没有这样搭配，我会说process the events) or starting an reformthat changed the history. That key person may be emphsized( typo) more thanother ordinary people while study of history.(怎么最后一句是个客观陈述，这里应该亮出你的观点了)

There is tight relationship( relationship是可数名词)between individuals from the old days( ancient time) to (the) present that(therefore，不然这句话没逻辑) everyone is affected by the persons(person的复数是people) around him or someone he doesn't know at all.The decission ( typo: decision) or act made by a person all by himself fromsurfice( surface) looking is actually effected by many people. What is more,the strength of one person is limited while facing the power of history. Onlygroups of people united together can put the wheel of history forward.
（这一段的分论点到底是什么？每一段一个分论点，不要太宽，否则很零散）

Although the history is made by groups of people, there must be someonespecial. In a society( social) reform, a leader who can incent the crowds'ardor( ardor 是情欲上的狂热，政治上应该是enthusiasm) is necessary; in a scienceinnovation, an innovator who has a willpower to hold him up in front ofthousands of failure despite of quit of other scientist and never be afraid ofno success to the end; in the transform time, we need a defender insisting hisown mind and never giving up even facing death; in a battle, only a generalhaving strategy and knowing how to beat enimies( enemies) can take his army tovictory. We have Martin L King,Yuan Longping,Garlileo and Bardon in thehistory.( 排比句用的很好，最好每个排比直接接对应的例子，不然你的例子很生硬，背几个举例子的套话) (Admittedly, 不然不连贯)All the significant events were not made all bythemselves. There are lots of people acting as supporters, assistants ,teacherand soldiers. But it is them who lead, insist and innovate that perform animportant task to promote the history process. The famous person is acting inthe history as a key person.

The famous person being remembered better than others doesn't mean the crownds(crowds，而且这里不该用人群，可以说the majorities) are forgotten today. Theyare just remembered in different methods( means, method 和后文的as a group不统一), forexample( 插入语挺好), as a group. When we learn about thehistory stories, we will think of them. There are figures who are common sodiers(soldier)of civil war( liberation war, 而且最好不要举关于社会主义和资本主义斗争的例子，说fighting against the Japanese invader 不是更好) on the wall( monument) in front of Tiananmen Buiding(Tiananmen Gate) to ceremony them.( 其实红场上的无名烈士纪念碑更有说服力：“你们的姓名无人知晓，你们的功绩永垂不朽””Your names are fading, but your exploit isimmortal ”) History is so long a process that not everyone can be remembered,the common people's figure can only be found in the events of history.

Not only the significant events and trends but also all the history is made bygroups of people whose names may not be discovered now. The famous people weremembered today are almost all the key persons in history. ( 头两句之间不用转折连词，让人没法读懂)When we want to know about the common ones,we can open history books and finds the day they are living and the events theyexperienced to conprehend(typo，第二次错了) them.(why?总结里面不要加入前文没提到的观点，不然显得文章没读完)

1，   提纲！提纲！提纲！
2，   没有仔细看我以前该的文章吧，说过了要说he or she, 不然显得性别歧视
3，   英语注重形式逻辑，就算你行文再连贯，也要用连词和过渡来保持连贯性
4，   注意到句式的多样性了，再能注意到长短句配合的节奏就更完美了。
5，   语言进步的同时，逻辑思路却更混乱了，我一直没看出文章的态度。暂时先套用下面的模板吧
6，   还是延期吧
写作三步曲小结
发信人: liweizju (小老虎·不看EnglishTest·幸糊), 信区: EnglishTest
标  题: Re: 写作三步曲小结(补充)
发信站: BBS 水木清华站 (Mon Dec  9 22:32:30 2002), 转信
  
写作三步曲小结－－－－－－－补充一下，呵呵。
:
: 引导段
: 1、主题句必须是可辩论的，不能是说事实，而是说观点。
     Theme Statement全文的主题句
: 2、主题句的位置最好在第一段的最后一句。
:
: 支撑段
: 1、每段只能有一个意思。
     这点挺重要的，别和中文一样留个尾巴给下一段，嘿嘿。
: 2、主题句＋支撑句?
     Topic Sentence段落的中心句
: 3、主题句不能定得太宽，也不能才窄。
     原因大概是1吧，说不完或者没有支持的主题句是不能接受的。
: 4、不能有任何无法用来展开论题的多余材料。
:

: 结束段
: 1、简要重述观点以及证明。
: 2、不要引入任何新的主题。
     条件：假如无法说清楚的话
  
英文还是很注意逻辑的，嘿嘿。

windturbineUID: 2356375

This statement tries to arouse a reevaluation of the exploits and fames of the few heroes improperly emphasized by the history researchers, for they steal the glory from unknown people who have actually created the events and trends. Following the argument will demonstrate the allegation above is mostly incorrect.

Firstly, the speaker’s emphasizing only the roles of the unnamed majority is as extreme as totally ignoring them. This viewpoint is identity to Karl Marx’s philosophy--” People, and people alone, create the civilization history!” and shares, unfortunately, the same blind spot with it. Limited by the time background, Mr. Marx failed to realize the value of administration in a society. Admittedly people serve as the engines to propel history events, against their will no ambition can advance further than blueprint. However without organization these engines could not unit to an identical destiny to demonstrate their power, even worse, when they are guided by someone short-sighted or maniac they can create riot and disaster. The history of Germany flash immediately to mind, under the leadership of Prime Minister Bismarck, the German people united and founded a country famous for its industrial and technology achievement, but when Hitler cheated the leadership of the same people, he turned them into the nightmare of the modern civilization. Generally speaking, a dialectic scholar concern the famous heroes and the nameless majority like the rudder and the seal, the later decide whether to advance, the former decide where advance toward.

Powerful people commanded by extraordinary leaders, composed the colorful outlooks alone the stream of chronicle. However, they cannot exceed the restriction of mundane power and alter the trend of history stream. In fact the civilization is not created out of sheer will or intelligence, but is the result of a chain of developments, each made possible by certain preconditions. Bismarck used to summarized (and I paraphrased) “A smart politician won’t bothering to stop the steps of history god, catching up the god’s feet and take advantages when he pass by is the clever choice.”  History is repeatedly beating people, hero or ordinary, to certify the allegation. Even Alexander the Great, supported by his Macedonia warriors with all their loyalty, could not sustain their oversized empire longer than himself. The speaker’s claim of making trend of history seems way too optimistic.

The ideas mentioned above are commonsense in today’s history discipline. Every years, numbers of papers and books, in which introducing how to review the history events with business or politic administration, group psychology, society dynamics and anthropology theory,  a published to offer public new insights though the biographies and chronicles. It is understandable the speaker conclude that history study only highlight the individuals if he or she only has read the history work of Homer or Caesar. I believe such claim will be withdrawn after reading the modern history works like “Guns, germs and Steel” or the“Osprey” serious.

In sum up, the human history is a symphony composed by outstanding leaders and willing publics. They cooperate together, following the objective principle, creates remarkable exploits repeatedly. The history study should focus on every part of it, the leaders, the people and the trend constituted of cause and effective chains.
提纲：
1，少数的领导人和大多数的人民都是不可缺少的，说只由一方创造历史是不客观的
2，不论是英雄还是人民，都不能改变历史的走向，只能顺应历史创造辉煌
3，英雄与人民的关系，人与历史走向的关系，在近现代历史学研究中都得到了应有的重视，认为历史研究只重视了那些少数英雄人物没有依据的。

[ 本帖最后由 windturbine 于 2007-7-6 15:57 编辑 ]