Argument65 【7.21，砸吧】

gyyxUID: 2290150

A65："For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 385 TIME: 00:30:00   DATE: 2007-7-21 22:45:54

The author recommends a method to improve profits of all the stores, that is, discontinue stocking various imported cheese and concentrate mainly on domestic cheeses, as he assume a increasing trend of domestic cheese on the basis of a survey and some statistics. However, as my view, it is not wise to do so, as the argument renders some fallacies, as discussed infra.

At the first place, the author assumes that the domestic cheese will sell better based on the mere fact that the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were domestic last years. This statistics does not demonstrate that the imported cheeses are not popular. It is highly possible that imported cheese are best-sellers in all other stores except the new ones, and perhaps it is a haphazard as during past years imported cheese are always the best sellers. Either two assumptions the author could not refute, since he does not provide any dear evidence.

Secondly, the author relies his recommendation on the survey directed by Cheeses of the World magazine, which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. For this survey, it is not enough to illustrate the increase trend. Because we are suffering from lack of information about the subscribers, what's the number, how they like the imported cheeses, which will skew the conclusion of the survey. Without providing the details of the survey, the author could not establish his conclusion on it.

Finally, even if all the assumptions the author assume to indicate the trend of domestic cheeses increasing are true, discontinue stocking may not be the best way to improve profits.  Maybe compared with domestic cheeses, imported ones are more profitable, although it is not as popular as the domestic ones. And perhaps there’s other way to reduce expenses, just like saving in energy and other waste aspects, as profit is so complex result, which many factors involve. So, I could not concede that this recommendation is the best way to make profits.

In summary, the argument is based on assumption and turn out to be unconvincing. To better evaluate, the author should provide more statistics in all stores and a more thorough survey of the customers, and compare this way to other way in economic, to prove it is the best way to improve profits.  

H-KevinUID: 2182070

原帖由 gyyx 于 2007-7-21 22:33 发表
The author recommends a method to improve profits of all the stores, that is, discontinue stocking various imported cheese and concentrate mainly on domestic cheeses, as he assume a increasing trend of domestic cheese on the basis of a survey and some statistics. However, as my view, it is not wise to do so, as the argument renders some fallacies, as discussed infra（其实没有必要这么多插入语，一个很短的句子看起来支离破碎）.At the first place, the author assumes that the domestic cheese will sell better based on the mere fact that the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were domestic last years. This statistics does not demonstrate that the imported cheeses are not popular. It is highly possible that imported cheese are best-sellers in all other stores except the new ones, and perhaps it is a haphazard as during past years imported cheese are always the best sellers. Either two assumptions the author could not refute, since he does not provide any dear evidence.Secondly, the author relies his recommendation on the survey directed by Cheeses of the World magazine, which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. For this survey, it is not enough to illustrate the increase trend. Because we are suffering from lack of information about the subscribers, what's the number, how they like the imported cheeses, which will skew the conclusion of the survey. Without providing the details of the survey, the author could not establish his conclusion on it.Finally, even if all the assumptions the author assume to indicate the trend of domestic cheeses increasing are true, discontinue stocking may not be the best way to improve profits.  Maybe compared with domestic cheeses, imported ones are more profitable, although it is not as popular as the domestic ones. And perhaps there’s other way to reduce expenses, just like saving in energy and other waste aspects, as profit is so complex result, which many factors involve. So, I could not concede that this recommendation is the best way to make profits.In summary, the argument is based on assumption and turn out to be unconvincing. To better evaluate, the author should provide more statistics in all stores and a more thorough survey of the customers, and compare this way to other way in economic, to prove it is the best way to improve profits.  

你的argument写的还是很不错的，加油，看起来好像没有太大的问题，注意语法和词性的使用