Issue7 【模考限时，字数才400】求狠拍加建议，31号就考试了，谢谢

gyyxUID: 2290150

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 405          TIME: 00:39:42          DATE: 2007-7-26 23:32:43

Which is more important in documentation, the video camera or the written records? The author chooses the former, as it provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life. In my view, I concede that video camera's merits in documentation, however, the role that written records playing in documentation is more important.

Admittedly, the video camera has some advantages beyond written records, which is maybe the reason for the author's assertion. On one hand, it is accurate and convincing, not amends by people, while written record sometimes with subjective. It is so accurate and objective that could even provide evidence in the court to help with identifying the crime. On the other hand, as a record of contemporary life, it could be treasure in our life. Consider that if our parents transcribe what happened in our childhood, we maybe very curious and happy when we see it after growing up. All these are that written records could not substitute, when compared with written record.

However, although there are so many advantage video beyond written records, we still could not deny that the essential role that written records playing in our daily life. And still written records have some merits making it overtake video in today's life. First, written records could be generalized to some proper words to change minds among a large group of persons, which video could not. This will save our time and leave our energy to cover other things, instead of searching useful information among the large amount of video tapes. Again, written records can bring thoughts and emotion with them, although sometimes objective, beneficial. Consider lots of distinguished works in our culture, all the se written records with thoughts and emotion consist of its greatness, which could make up our minds. Some of us even keep diary, in order to depicting our emotion, which could not be expressed in daily life in video. Additionally, for economic sake, although the life-standard of today increasing day by day, someone of us still could not afford a video camera. Besides, we are so accustomed with writing, words could not make us more comfortable.

Finally, as every coin has two sides, written records have their demerits, but this does not influence its importance in documentation. Since it is easier to generalize, more economical, and recording our thoughts and emotion at the time, written records are more important in documentation, compared with video camera  

huaxinluoboUID: 2326780

文章读起来很流畅，语法问题很少，所以就不改语法了，主要说说结构吧。
字数少主要原因是第一段论述没展开，如果能加入两个例子进去，论证和字数就都没问题了。
第二段很不错，没什么说的。
其实范文里也有不少两段论的，用两段完全没问题，只要写好就行。
加油！

kolphenUID: 2307018

同意楼上的，正文两段只要论述好没问题，就是第一段略显单薄，加个例子就会好些，牛人例子不好举也可以举身边的，更加生活化。