Argument189 [Victors小组]自由习作

njuzhshaoUID??2258118

题目：ARGUMENT189 - The following is a recommendation from the dean at Foley College, a small liberal arts college, to the president of the college.

"Since college-bound students are increasingly concerned about job prospects after graduation, Foley College should attempt to increase enrollment by promising to find its students jobs after they graduate. Many administrators feel that this strategy is a way for Foley to compete against larger and more prestigious schools and to encourage students to begin preparing for careers as soon as they enter college. Furthermore, a student who must choose a career path within his or her first year of college and who is guaranteed a job after graduation is more likely to successfully complete the coursework that will prepare him or her for the future."


The argument gives two suggestions to the college: one is to promise each student a job, and the other, to force students to choose a career path in their first year. However, these two suggestions are not likely to be effective.

What provides a student job is not merely coursework. Many other factors lie in the process of finding a job, where personal character may play an important role and well as students' ability of interpersonal communication. After all, working is not often a job on one's own. Instead, team work is of more and more significance in both company and campus, in which process people have to communicate and cooperate with others. Some jobs may even require experience in similar position: these abilities are not likely to be taught in their 'coursework'. Thus, successfully complete their coursework seems not sufficient for 'the future'.

Meanwhile, will those who is guaranteed a job after graduation be more likely to successfully complete their coursework as is asserted in the argument? Seemingly not. Most students have sloth more or less, and stress is often used to spur them. Where there is no anxiety of unemployment, there is less possibility for a student to be diligent learner. I concede that a few students will still keep on working hard in their course, but it is more likely to count on their inner curiousness and responsibility than a job guarantee. The promoter role of the promise leaves unconvincing.

When benefits from the two suggestion are still arguable, possible bad effects of them must be added into consideration. Students may be not ready  to choose their career path in their first year. It is easy to understand, for students need enough time to get in touch with different kinds of careers and subjects before they ultimately found where their real interests lie. Only after this can a proper career path be chosen. Forced into a hasty and blind choice, some will later find their very one, and then, to their regret, they may find their efforts poured into another direction, even an irrelevant one. Besides this kind of loss to students, equal risk is for college itself. It is inevitable that some students will be unemployed ( nobody can guarantee a 100 percent employment )and then the promise at first is to bring lost in reputation, finance. Students may also appeal to the law. The strategy is apparently not worth the candle.

After all, the promise is sure to prove itself a lie. With unconvincing benefits and confirmed risks, the suggestion seem not a well considered one. Students should not be misled by this false promise and have better education in basic subjects rather than too early a career choice.

gyyxUID??2290150

Argument189 [Victors小组]自由习作
题目：ARGUMENT189 - The following is a recommendation from the dean at Foley College, a small liberal arts college, to the president of the college.

"Since college-bound students are increasingly concerned about job prospects after graduation, Foley College should attempt to increase enrollment by promising to find its students jobs after they graduate. Many administrators feel that this strategy is a way for Foley to compete against larger and more prestigious schools and to encourage students to begin preparing for careers as soon as they enter college. Furthermore, a student who must choose a career path within his or her first year of college and who is guaranteed a job after graduation is more likely to successfully complete the coursework that will prepare him or her for the future."


The argument gives two suggestions to the college: one is to promise each student a job, and the other, to force students to choose a career path in their first year. However, these two suggestions are not likely to be effective.【这个后面建议再加上个，effective to the enrollment 之类的话】

What provides a student job is not merely coursework.【段落的开头不建议用这样简单的句子，复杂点好】 Many other factors lie in the process of finding a job, where personal character may play an important role and well as students' ability of interpersonal communication. 【有大牛说定语从句是信息量最少的句子，鉴于强调，换成连词吧】After all, working is not often a job on one's own. Instead, team work is of more and more significance in both company and campus, in which process people have to communicate and cooperate with others. Some jobs may even require experience in similar position: these abilities are not likely to be taught in their 'coursework'. Thus, successfully complete their coursework seems not sufficient for 'the future'.

Meanwhile, will those who is guaranteed a job after graduation be more likely to successfully complete their coursework as is asserted in the argument? Seemingly not. Most students have sloth more or less, and stress is often used to spur them. Where there is no anxiety of unemployment, there is less possibility for a student to be diligent learner. I concede that a few students will still keep on working hard in their course, but it is more likely to count on their inner curiousness and responsibility than a job guarantee. 【这个后面最好说上但是好多人放弃了，我分析是很多，也很深入，但是不够明显】The promoter role of the promise leaves unconvincing.

When benefits from the two suggestion are still arguable, possible bad effects of them must be added into consideration. Students may be not ready  to choose their career path in their first year. It is easy to understand, for students need enough time to get in touch with different kinds of careers and subjects before they ultimately found where their real interests lie. Only after this can a proper career path be chosen. Forced into a hasty and blind choice, some will later find their very one, and then, to their regret, they may find their efforts poured into another direction, even an irrelevant one. Besides this kind of loss to students, equal risk is for college itself. It is inevitable that some students will be unemployed ( nobody can guarantee a 100 percent employment )and then the promise at first is to bring lost in reputation, finance. Students may also appeal to the law. The strategy is apparently not worth the candle.

After all, the promise is sure to prove itself a lie. With unconvincing benefits and confirmed risks, the suggestion seem not a well considered one. Students should not be misled by this false promise and have better education in basic subjects rather than too early a career choice.
后面的太困就先不看了，感觉都是在说课程不利于发展学生的将来，给他们份好工作。我的感觉有点偏离通常的A，对A了解的不多，也不好说这样的尝试到底好不好，但是有点可以肯定的是，只说一点是不够的。而且arguer其实的主要目的是夸大招生，以便在竞争中取得优势，这点我认为很重要

njuzhshaoUID??2258118

感谢gyyx的修改和批评。
其实你没有看完的后面一段也提到了另外的内容但是对于欺诈的行为我确实没有论述得很充分。
在第二自然节提出的两个观点都很有价值，第二个我准备双手同意。而第一个留有疑问。个人反而会觉得长短很无所谓，随着当时的语气就好了……不知道这个是不是太随意了，或者有为自己辩解的成分在里面。

最后的评价也很有价值。慢慢发现缺乏规范的论证语言也是相当有问题的。绝对不能走向另外一个极端。好好检讨。

另外，【这个后面最好说上但是好多人放弃了，我分析是很多，也很深入，但是不够明显】此句未能充分理解，为了充分珍惜评论的火花，敬请gyyx解释下^_^

再谢。

gyyxUID??2290150

那个就是说如果你后面再反面强调一下效果会更好些