Argument167

rabbit_doggleUID：2373216

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been
proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for
three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored.
During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept
soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their
medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired.
During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two
weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.
*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of
medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
中文提纲
TS:THE FIRST S.
1,在调查结果中,V们的病情好转并不一定就是L-S PILLOWS的作用,很有可能是安眠药的作用或者是前两周过度
疲劳引起的.即使是与枕头有关系,也不能说明FR对失眠的治疗就有效果(正如有一篇A中提到的,并不能因为吃鱼
能预防感冒就此认为吃鱼肝油也有次功用)
2.对INSOMNIA的治疗有效果并不一定就是睡的好,而且是由RESPONDENTS说自己睡的好,很没有说服力.
3.INSOMNIA和CHRONIC INSOMNIA是集合与子集的关系.不能由小推大.不合理.
文章;
This arguement is undoubtly well-presented,however,in my opinion of view,not well-reasoned.Merely
based on the assumption and dubious evidence,the author concluded that A folk remedy had now been
proved effective for insomnia.In support of this recommendation,the arguer cited a recent survey
associated with the impact on the effect of lavender-scented pillows.Additionally,he also
indicated that lavender,in which the folk remedy contained,can be effective to the cures of
insonmia.At first glance,this arguement appeares to be convincing,but further reflect reveals
that omits some substantial concerns that should be disscussed in this recommendation.From my
perspective,the statement suffers from 3 logic flaws.
The threshold problem with this argument is that,in the result of this survey adressed,the author
indicated the recovering of these volunteers due to no factors other than the effect of
lavender-scented pillows.However,we can be informed that a myriad of other factors such as the
remained influence of sleeping medication,or the fatigue from the previous two weeks and so on
can also be the reason of sound sleep.Without ruling out these,the author cannot make this
prediction persuasive.Adittionally,even if the better condition of the volunteers is corherent
with the pillows,that does not mean it is the same as the folk remedy.
Another problem that weakens the conclusion is that,for sake of the objective of the survey,it is
unwarranted to just take only what the respondents said into consideration.The subjective feeling
of the respondents usually fail to reflect what they really are,especially when they are informed
in a special circumstance or given alternatives.If it did,the result would on doubt distort the
genuine preference.
Before I come to my conclusion,it is necessary to point out another flaw involved in this
statment that we shoule aware to distinguish between insomnia and chronic insomnia.Chronic
insomnia is only one kind of insomnia.In this survey,the author failed to concerned the partial
relationship of the two factors.Even if it is effective with chronic insomnia,that does not mean
it is the same with insomnia.As a result,only ruling out the difference metioned above can this
statement be more than emotional appeal.
To sum up,the author failed to substantiate his recommendation that the folk remedy,the scent in
lavender flowers, has now been proved effective on the cures for insomnia,cause the evidence he
cited in this argument does not lead strong support to what he maintains.To make the argument
more convincing,the author would have to provide more information of with regard to the
reliability of the survey.Moreover,he would also have to demonstrate the difference between the
chronic insomnia and insomnia.Therefore,if the argument had included the given factors discussed
above,the statement would have become more thoroughly and logically acceptable.

[ 本帖最后由 rabbit_doggle 于 2007-8-3 18:49 编辑 ]

kiciUID：169506

先2点格式问题，第一每段间空一行。第二标点后面要空一格。。

This arguement is undoubtly well-presented,however,in my opinion of view,not well-reasoned.Merely
based on the assumption and dubious evidence,the author concluded that A folk remedy had now been
proved effective for insomnia.In support of this recommendation,the arguer cited a recent survey
associated with the impact on the effect of lavender-scented pillows.Additionally,he also
indicated that lavender,in which the folk remedy contained,can be effective to the cures of
insonmia.At first glance,this arguement appeares to be convincing,but further reflect reveals
that omits some substantial concerns that should be disscussed in this recommendation.From my
perspective,the statement suffers from 3 logic flaws.
个人觉得开头太长，如果要restate原文思路，最好概括一点。见imong的argument开头结尾的讨论。

The threshold problem with this argument is that,in the result of this survey adressed,the author
indicated the recovering of these volunteers due to no factors other than the effect of
lavender-scented pillows.However,we can be informed that a myriad of other factors such as the
remained influence of sleeping medication,or the fatigue from the previous two weeks and so on
can also be the reason of sound sleep.最好在深入一点继续细节讨论下去。这里只是引了一个头，具体为什么fatigue很重要呢等等
Without ruling out these,the author cannot make this prediction persuasive.
Adittionally,even if the better condition of the volunteers is corherent with the pillows,that does not mean it is the same as the folk remedy.

Another problem that weakens the conclusion is that,for sake of the objective of the survey,it is
unwarranted to just take only what the respondents said into consideration.The subjective feeling
of the respondents usually fail to reflect what they really are,especially when they are informed
in a special circumstance or given alternatives.If it did,the result would on doubt distort the
genuine preference. 这段也是点到了错误，但是还是不够Insightful analysis 继续细节下去，为什么感觉不能符合真实情况呢？

Before I come to my conclusion,it is necessary to point out another flaw involved in this
statment that we shoule aware to distinguish between insomnia and chronic insomnia.Chronic
insomnia is only one kind of insomnia.In this survey,the author failed to concerned the partial
relationship of the two factors.Even if it is effective with chronic insomnia,that does not mean
it is the same with insomnia.As a result,only ruling out the difference metioned above can this
statement be more than emotional appeal.


To sum up,the author failed to substantiate his recommendation that the folk remedy,the scent in
lavender flowers, has now been proved effective on the cures for insomnia,cause the evidence he
cited in this argument does not lead strong support to what he maintains.To make the argument
more convincing,the author would have to provide more information of with regard to the
reliability of the survey.Moreover,he would also have to demonstrate the difference between the
chronic insomnia and insomnia.Therefore,if the argument had included the given factors discussed
above,the statement would have become more thoroughly and logically acceptable.
结尾也这么长，不是说不好，只是相对于中间最重要的几个Body来说，结尾罗嗦了些。

感觉3个Body这篇论证缺少深入细节讨论 换而言之是举反例不够strong，观点还是非常清晰。
argument把错误找出来大约能得到基本分数（4分），但是如果想得到高分（>=5分）还是需要persuasive debate
建议是多读一读精华区imong的3个作品，几篇ETS给的官方范文中6分习作。还有其他几个版主的作品。
精华区励还有一些别人写的好的argument范文，比如有一篇防护服的一篇，精彩啊！！


argument入手容易的，写好有些阻碍。纲上手写成这样就不错了。
批的有些狠。。莫怪。。。
感觉自己写的这篇还是有些可取之处，不妨一读？就在楼上。
我的论点和你差不多的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=715340&extra=page%3D2