麻烦高人帮我看下这作文能拿几分

findhelperUID: 27210

8月25号考，今天才开始写大作文。
这是我的第一篇，麻烦高手帮我批改下。
我个人觉得结构不是很清晰，因为本来把第三第四段并为一段的，后来觉得太长了才拆开。
最后一段也不知道该怎么总结。

题目：At present, science has been developing at a high speed, but people still have a high opinion of artists, what can the arts tell us of the life that science cannot? Discuss.

It is an undeniable fact that scientific and technological development bring great benefits to people. Neither can we duny that are has a significant influence on our daily life. Which can tell us something when the other cannot? Here I would like to have a discuss.

Science does a big favour on us from the physical sense. In the help of science, we wear warmer clothes, travel faster, collect information more quickly, and obtain a better medical care to live longer. We enjoy what science brings to us.

Nevertheless, art still deserves people’s admiration. Men cannot be satisfied when they only meet their physical condition. What they want most is the emotion from their deep hearts, which can only be obtained from art. Art is where true love lies,where beauty lies.

Art cannot be valued as certain amount of money, not like the productions of science, Just take Van Gogh’s painting for instance. How much is a genuine painting? No one could ever say a definite number. Can it just be measured by the value of the dyes and papers? Absolutely not. The sensation in mankind’s heart is priceless. That’s why art isn't equal to science.

Art makes people enjoy life, gives people the pleasure of living from the mental level. That’s where art differs from science.

67169619UID: 2320695

原帖由 findhelper 于 2007-8-7 13:46 发表
8月25号考，今天才开始写大作文。
这是我的第一篇，麻烦高手帮我批改下。
我个人觉得结构不是很清晰，因为本来把第三第四段并为一段的，后来觉得太长了才拆开。
最后一段也不知道该怎么总结。

题目：At  ...

It is an undeniable fact that scientific and technological development brings great benefits to people. Neither can we deny that it has a significant influence on our daily life,Which can tell us something while the other cannot? Here I would like to have a discuss.Science does a big favour on us from the physical sense. with the help of science, we wear warmer clothes, travel faster, collect information more quickly, and obtain a better medical care to live longer. We enjoy what science brings to us. Nevertheless, art still deserves people’s admiration. Men cannot be satisfied when they only meettheir physical condition. What they want most is the emotion from their deep hearts, which can only be obtained from art. Art is where true love lies,where beauty lies.Art cannot be valued as certain amount of money, not like the productions of science, Just take Van Gogh’s painting for instance. How much is a genuine painting? No one could ever say a definite number. Can it just be measured by the value of the dyes and papers? Absolutely not. The sensation in mankind’s heart is priceless. That’s why art isn't equal to science. Art makes people enjoy life, gives people the pleasure of living from the mental level. That’s where art differs from science.



看了两段就看不下去了 ，，太中文化了

kevin312UID: 2227698

问题如下：通篇没有总论点，主谓一致和双谓语问题，拼写问题都有，需要注意的是，考官并不太在意拼写问题，只要他猜得出来就可，但是主谓一致和双谓语问题都是语法问题，是需要尽量避免得！
估分在5.5

edison-1008UID: 195414

貌似字数太少。论点后的支持论据太少。

67169619UID: 2320695

字数差33个