argument147 [kb9.11] 第二次作业

goldzincUID: 2378390

题目：ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
字数：397          用时：00:52:24          日期：2007-8-14 下午 04:47:43
Whether the dramatically increase of the sales of Whirlwind video games will realize in the near future is still uncertain, for the reasons given by the arguer insufficiently lend support to this conclusion. The arguer should fix up the following fallacies s/he made in the argument before s/he draws the conclusion.
First of all, the survey in the argument cannot prove that video-game players prefer to buy the games with lifelike picture. Even though we believe that the participants of the survey is representative -- which is in fact open to doubt, however, as the arguer stated, such kind of video requires the most up-to-date computer which is not common among video-game players. As the matter of fact, the players will only buy the game that run fluently on their own computers. They may like the lifelike game indeed, but cannot afford such a computer.
Furthermore, it is quite possible that the advertising campaign introduced by the Whirlwind will not lead to a big increase in the sales, due to the campaign focus to a special group of people. The people aged between 10 to 25 have a relatively weaker purchasing power even though they may really enjoy the video-game. Moreover, some players in this specific group are too young to be permitted to play games with violent content, a topic that many lifelike video-games choose. Thus, this campaign is unlikely to be a successful one.
Finally, the arguer neglect to analyze the real reason that leads to the sales falling of Whirlwind, which is essential for the company to find a way to change this declining situation. It is quite possible that the company have paid so much attention to the graphics in the past that overlooked other factors of the game like the music, the plot, the stability while the game is running, and so forth. In order to impulse the sales, the arguer must have an intent study about the reasons of the downfall of the sales in the past two years and give targeted opinions to solve them.
In sum, there are many potential problem ignored in this argument which will also influence the sales of the Whirlwind. Thus, asserting that the company will enjoy an augment in the sales just base on the unreliable survey and adverting campaign is too optimistic. The arguer needs to collect more evidence to support this argument.

居然又写了一个小时——已经是第三篇了一点进步都没有，字数还越来越少…… 很有挫败感

[ 本帖最后由 goldzinc 于 2007-8-16 17:05 编辑 ]

wuyeUID: 2348444

Whether the dramatically increase of the sales of Whirlwind video games will realize in the near future is still uncertain, for the reasons given by the arguer insufficiently lend support to this conclusion. The arguer should fix up the following fallacies s/he made in the argument before s/he draws the conclusion.

First of all, the survey in the argument cannot prove that video-game players prefer to buy the games with lifelike picture. Even though we believe that the participants of the survey is representative -- which is in fact open to (BE) doubt, however, as the arguer stated, such kind of video requires the most up-to-date computer which is not common among video-game players. As the (屡教不改，A!) matter of fact, the players will only buy the game that run fluently on their own computers. They may like the lifelike game indeed, but cannot afford such a computer.

Furthermore, it is quite possible that the advertising campaign introduced by the Whirlwind will not lead to a big increase in the sales, due to the campaign focus to a special group of people. The people aged between 10 to 25(什么叫between... to) have a relatively weaker purchasing power even though they may really enjoy the video-game. Moreover, some players in this specific group are too young to be permitted to play games with violent content, a topic that many lifelike video-games choose. Thus, this campaign is unlikely to be a successful one.

Finally, the arguer neglect to analyze the real reason that leads to the sales falling of Whirlwind, which is essential for the company to find a way to change this declining situation. (这句作为一个论据中的建议比较好，TS里直接说获利没有根据就行了)It is quite possible that the company have paid so much attention to the graphics in the past that overlooked other factors of the game like the music, the plot, the stability while the game is running, and so forth. In order to impulse the sales, the arguer must have an intent study about the reasons of the downfall of the sales in the past two years and give targeted opinions to solve them.
In sum, there are many potential problem ignored (OVERLOOKED) in this argument which will also influence the sales of the Whirlwind. Thus, asserting that the company will enjoy an augment in the sales just base on the unreliable survey and adverting campaign is too optimistic. The arguer needs to collect more evidence to support this argument.

呵呵，不错的嘛，我还写不进一个小时呢！

[ 本帖最后由 wuye 于 2007-8-16 20:57 编辑 ]

phoenixlwUID: 2382912

题目：ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
字数：397          用时：00:52:24          日期：2007-8-14 下午 04:47:43
Whether the dramatically increase of the sales of Whirlwind video games will realize in the near future is still uncertain, for the reasons given by the arguer insufficiently lend(呵呵 我喜欢用lend little)support to this conclusion. The arguer should fix up the following fallacies s/he made in the argument before s/he draws the conclusion.(首段最好再把引文内容多带一点,这样为下文展开批斗也算列个小提纲,清晰些)
First of all, the survey (in the argument) cannot prove that video-game players prefer to buy the games with lifelike picture. Even though we believe that the participants of the survey is representative -- which is in fact open to doubt, however, as the arguer stated, such kind of video requires the most up-to-date computer which is not common among video-game players. As the matter of fact, the players will only buy the game that run fluently on their own computers. They may like the lifelike game indeed, but cannot afford such a computer.So....
Furthermore, it is quite possible that the advertising campaign introduced by the Whirlwind will not lead to a big increase in the sales, due to the campaign focus to(on) a special group of people. The people aged between 10 to 25 have a relatively weaker purchasing power even though they may really enjoy the video-game. Moreover, some players in this specific group are too young to be permitted to play games with violent content, a topic that many lifelike video-games choose(想象力好丰富...强). Thus, this campaign is unlikely to be(委婉点吧,might not) a successful one.
Finally, the arguer neglects to analyze the real reason that leads to the sales falling(decrease) of Whirlwind, which is essential for the company to find a way to change(turn) this declining situation. It is quite possible that the company have paid so much attention to the graphics in the past that overlooked other factors of the game like the music, the plot, the stability while the game is running(分析到位), and so forth. In order to impulse the sales, the arguer must have an intent study about the reasons of the downfall of the sales in the past two years and give targeted opinions to solve them.
In sum, there are many potential problem ignored in this argument which will also influence the sales of the Whirlwind. Thus, asserting that the company will enjoy an augment in the sales just base on the unreliable survey and adverting campaign is too optimistic. The arguer needs to collect more evidence to support this argument.(建议把potential problem或 more evidence其中一个具体化)


revised by No. 11 phoenixlw

[ 本帖最后由 phoenixlw 于 2007-8-16 21:16 编辑 ]

WHSYINGUID: 2310541

Whether the dramatically increase of the sales of Whirlwind video games will realize in the near future is still uncertain, for the reasons given by the arguer insufficiently lend support to this conclusion. The arguer should fix up the following fallacies s/he（这样可以得不？） made in the argument before s/he draws the conclusion.
First of all, the survey in the argument cannot prove that video-game players prefer to buy the games with lifelike picture. Even though we believe that the participants of the survey is (are) representative -- which is in fact open to doubt, however, as the arguer stated, such kind of video requires the most up-to-date computer which is not common among video-game players. As the matter of fact, the players will only buy the game that run fluently on their own computers. They may like the lifelike game indeed, but cannot afford such a computer.
Furthermore, it is quite possible that the advertising campaign introduced by the Whirlwind will not lead to a big increase in the sales, due to the campaign focus to a special group of people. The people aged between 10 to 25 have a relatively weaker purchasing power even though they may really enjoy the video-game. Moreover, some players in this specific group are too young to be permitted to play games with violent content, a topic that many lifelike video-games choose. Thus, this campaign is unlikely to be a successful one.
Finally, the arguer neglects to analyze the real reason that leads to the sales falling of Whirlwind, which is essential for the company to find a way to change this declining situation. It is quite possible that the company have paid so much attention to the graphics in the past that overlooked other factors of the game like the music, the plot, the stability while the game is running, and so forth. In order to impulse the sales, the arguer must have an intent study about the reasons of the downfall of the sales in the past two years and give targeted opinions to solve them.
In sum, there are many potential problem ignored in this argument which will also influence the sales of the Whirlwind(感觉在结尾放上这句不太好，结尾应该单纯总结上面的就可以了). Thus, asserting that the company will enjoy an augment in the sales just base on the unreliable survey and adverting campaign is too optimistic. The arguer needs to collect more evidence to support this argument.

总体感觉不错啊
………………加油！

对酒当歌UID: 2210051

Whether the dramatically increase of the sales ofWhirlwind video games will realize in the near future is still uncertain, forthe reasons given by the arguer insufficiently lend support to this conclusion.The arguer should fix up the following fallacies s/he made in the argumentbefore s/he draws the conclusion.

First of all, the survey in the argument cannot provethat video-game players prefer to buy the games with lifelike picture. Eventhough we believe that the participants of the survey is representative --which is in fact open to doubt, however, as the arguer stated, such kind ofvideo requires the most up-to-date computer which is not common amongvideo-game players. As the matter of fact, the players will only buy the gamethat run fluently on their own computers. They may like the lifelike gameindeed, but cannot afford such a computer.

Furthermore, it is quite possible that the advertisingcampaign introduced by the Whirlwind will not lead to a big increase in thesales, due to the campaign focus to a special group of people. The people aged（age好像不能这么用吧）between 10 to 25 have a relatively weaker purchasing power even though they mayreally enjoy the video-game. Moreover, some players in this specific group aretoo young to be permitted to play games with violent content, a topic that manylifelike video-games choose. Thus, this campaign is unlikely to be a successfulone.

Finally, the arguer neglect to analyze the real reasonthat leads to the sales falling of Whirlwind, which is essential for thecompany to find a way to change this declining situation. It is quite possiblethat the company have paid so much attention to the graphics in the past thatoverlooked other factors of the game like the music, the plot, the stabilitywhile the game is running, and so forth. In order to impulse the sales, thearguer must have an intent study about the reasons of the downfall of the salesin the past two years and give targeted opinions to solve them.

In sum, there are many potential problem（problems）ignored in this argument which will also influence the sales of the Whirlwind.Thus, asserting that the company will enjoy an augment in the sales just baseon the unreliable survey and adverting campaign is too optimistic. The arguerneeds to collect more evidence to support this argument.

逻辑上还不错 ，你再查查age作动词的用法


[ 本帖最后由 对酒当歌 于 2007-8-16 23:13 编辑 ]

prophetluoUID: 2240098

Whether the dramatically increase of the sales of Whirlwind video games will realize in the near future is still uncertain, for the reasons given by the arguer insufficiently lend support to this conclusion. The arguer should fix up the following fallacies s/he made in the argument before s/he draws the conclusion.
First of all, the survey in the argument cannot prove that video-game players prefer to buy the games with lifelike picture. Even though we believe that the participants of the survey is representative -- which is in fact open to doubt, however, as the arguer stated, such kind of video requires the most up-to-date computer which is not common among video-game players. As the matter of fact, the players will only buy the game that run fluently on their own computers. They may like the lifelike game indeed, but cannot afford such a computer.(这里我觉得 改作为了一款游戏去更新换代自己个人电脑是件狂热的事情,所以真正有多少来买video game是个值得调查的问题  感觉这样会比较严密hoho )
Furthermore, it is quite possible that the advertising campaign introduced by the Whirlwind will not lead to a big increase in the sales, due to the campaign focus to a special group of people. The people aged (这里似乎age…不妥把 age是变老的意思把)between 10 to 25 have a relatively weaker purchasing power even though they may really enjoy the video-game. Moreover, some players in this specific group are too young to be permitted to play games with violent content, a topic that many lifelike video-games choose.(这个观点比较强 顶 ^_^) Thus, this campaign is unlikely to be a successful one.
Finally, the arguer neglect to analyze the real reason that leads to the sales falling of Whirlwind, which is essential for the company to find a way to change this declining situation. It is quite possible that the company have paid so much attention to the graphics in the past that overlooked other factors of the game like the music, the plot, the stability while the game is running, and so forth. In order to impulse the sales, the arguer must have an intent study about the reasons of the downfall of the sales in the past two years and give targeted opinions to solve them.
In sum, there are many potential problem ignored in this argument which will also influence the sales of the Whirlwind. Thus, asserting that the company will enjoy an augment in the sales just base on the unreliable survey and adverting campaign is too optimistic. The arguer needs to collect more evidence to support this argument.

[ 本帖最后由 prophetluo 于 2007-8-16 23:47 编辑 ]