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[作文] 【8月18号作文】主题:男女性就业问题----已停拍!! [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-8-18 02:41:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
TOPIC:Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women。
(TOPIC来源:雅思版置顶下载贴---写作---IELTS Writing Topics---Topic 1)
DATE: 18th, August  
WORDS: 322
提纲:
1.承认这一现象是存在的,很多用人单位在招聘的时候,比较倾向于男性。政府应该鼓励更多的女性参与到高层次的工作中,但是,这与社会的大环境有关系,不是一两天可以解决的。
2.高层次的工作大多由男性承担与教育体制有关系,女生偏向于文科,男生偏向于理工科。
3.女生并不是不能承担高层次的工作,举例:有女CEO,女教授,国外有女航天员。几乎所有领域,都有杰出的女性。
4.解决办法首先在于政府提供更多的工作机会给女性,同时改变社会观念。

It has been remarked that along with the developing of society and with the thinning of the social division of labor, the high level jobs are seldom done by women. It is gradually a common phenomenon that in the recruitment meetings, a lot of employers prefer male candidate rather than female even though the job is suitable for both men and women. In my opinion, balance between both sex in the percentage of these high level jobs is needed.

Education probably always played a key role in determining one's opportunities for future profession. It is common that the females like to choose the art majors while males prefer majoring science and technology. Since most of the high level jobs need the candidates possess a sci-tech background, for instance, if one want to be a electrical engineer, excellent capacities in mathematics and physics is absolutely necessary while these are, more or less, what the females lacked.

Another reason those employers think that men can do better than women is that, the traditional view of female is less capable than male, what has been inflicted on the women by the whole society for thousands years. In other words, women incline to be regarded as wife and mother rather than expert and leader. Undoubtedly, this is a prejudice, because nowadays, it is very common that women engage in some very important jobs, for instance, there are more and more female professors entering universities and research institutes, and Carly Fiorina, who once was the CEO of HP company, there also have female astronaut. All above can convince that women can do as good as men and even better in some special fields.

In principle, at least, we are a society where both sexes are equal. The time has come to rethink what we can take actions to make more career opportunities for women and discard the prejudices imposed on females.

PS:欢迎大家猛拍!留链必回拍!

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-22 04:17 编辑 ]

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沙发
发表于 2007-8-18 21:31:07 |只看该作者
我的水平较差~没有能力修改~嘻嘻
在结构上想问一下搂主~你是根据什么分成4段的?总分总结构?还是什么?我一直对这个比较迷茫~
谢谢~

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发表于 2007-8-18 22:30:04 |只看该作者

回复 #1 夜空的彼方 的帖子

你把字弄大些吧,眼睛真的受不了了,弄完我帮你看看
成功就在坚持一下的努力之中
Never never never give up!!!

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地板
发表于 2007-8-18 22:33:47 |只看该作者
夜空的彼方 :
你的作文出炉的好快啊,你比我后考,但我似乎却坚持不下去了,有点不相信自己的能力了
我看,现在我是没有什么mood来帮你改了
见谅:(

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发表于 2007-8-18 23:14:21 |只看该作者

回复 #4 kimomo 的帖子

告诉自己---一定要坚持下去!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-723770-1-1.html
看看这篇帖子吧!

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发表于 2007-8-18 23:15:33 |只看该作者

好棒啊,我觉得我没啥水平给你改了,就来说一下我的意见

sci-tech background这个科技背景能这么缩写么?
in principle啥意思呢?
那个hp例子很好,我都不知道
成功就在坚持一下的努力之中
Never never never give up!!!

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发表于 2007-8-18 23:17:34 |只看该作者

回复 #3 djconan 的帖子

呵呵,调大了,这下能看清楚了吗?

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发表于 2007-8-18 23:19:24 |只看该作者

回复 #7 夜空的彼方 的帖子

看清拉,就是觉得写的太好了
你准备要多少分?总分?作文?
啥时候考?
成功就在坚持一下的努力之中
Never never never give up!!!

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发表于 2007-8-18 23:37:16 |只看该作者
原帖由 djconan 于 2007-8-18 23:15 发表
sci-tech background这个科技背景能这么缩写么?
in principle啥意思呢?
那个hp例子很好,我都不知道


关于你提的第一个问题,我想要表达的意思是,理工科背景,其实我也不太清楚该怎么表达,因为我知道理工的表达方式是:Science and Technology,譬如英国著名的帝国理工大学 Imperial College of Science and Technology。
in principle = in general---------原则上,大体上~

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发表于 2007-8-18 23:41:02 |只看该作者

回复 #8 djconan 的帖子

呵呵,谢谢你的鼓励啊!
我是9月22号在西安考,至于要多少分?我想至少6.5是必须的吧,因为好多这是好多学校的最低线,当然能高一点更好了。
作文其实是我的弱项啊。。。还有口语。。。。所以才在这苦练呢~~作文不要太低就行,6分就很好了,因为我想阅读和听力能提一些~

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发表于 2007-8-19 00:24:03 |只看该作者
原帖由 啦啦啦qlm 于 2007-8-18 21:31 发表
我的水平较差~没有能力修改~嘻嘻
在结构上想问一下搂主~你是根据什么分成4段的?总分总结构?还是什么?我一直对这个比较迷茫~
谢谢~


关于分段,我想其实没有什么规定了,看到题目之后先在打一个提纲,怎么想的就怎么分,最后能把问题说清楚就行。
譬如我的这篇:
第一段----阐述现象
第二段----说明现象存在的原因
第三段----对于这种现象,你的态度,如果是支持,那就说出支持的原因,如果反对,就说出反对的原因
最后结尾适当的提一下解决问题的办法,重申一下自己的观点就行了~

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发表于 2007-8-19 08:56:49 |只看该作者

一点陋见:

一点陋见:

总体来说,文章结构清晰,例证有说服力!!!

第三段首句:Another reason those employers ---Another possible reason those employers
最后一段第二句:The time has come to rethink ---It is the high time that...
Life is nothing but a process of experience.

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发表于 2007-8-19 11:03:22 |只看该作者

回复 #12 glauber 的帖子

感谢你的建议:那里加上possible似比较好一些~

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发表于 2007-8-21 23:10:13 |只看该作者
原帖由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-18 02:41 发表
TOPIC:Most high level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women。
(TOPIC来源:雅思版置顶下载贴---写作---IELTS Writing To ...

It has been remarked that along with the developing of society and with the thinning of the social division of labor, the high level jobs are seldom done by women. It is gradually a common phenomenon(这个词不是说是作文大忌吗 ?表示什么自然的现象的) that in the recruitment meetings, a lot of employers prefer male candidate rather than female(少一个代词) even though the job is suitable for both men and women. In my opinion, balance between both sex(这里要复数啊) in the percentage of these high level jobs is needed. 最后的一个分句用这样的主语好啊,赞一个,大家要好好学习,呵呵,当然也包括我)Education probably always played(?) a key role in determining one's opportunities for future profession(?). It is common that the females like to choose the art majors while males(你前面用the females,而这里就只用males prefer majoring science and technology. Since most of the high level jobs need the candidates possess a sci-tech background这句话有双谓语的,,,), for instance, if one want(?) to be a electrical engineer, excellent capacities in mathematics and physics is(这里用is,后面就用are,敢情这里错了,因为主语是复数) absolutely necessary while these are, more or less, what the females lacked.Another reason(你后面跟个同位语从句,这里最后用个that咯?)those employers think that men can do better than women is that, the traditional view of female(低级错误) is less capable than male, what has been inflicted on the women by the whole society for thousands years. In other words, women(这里女人用复数,而后面的宾语都是单数哇?) incline to be regarded as wife and mother rather than expert and leader. Undoubtedly, this is a prejudice, because nowadays, it is very common that women engage in some very important jobs, for instance, there are more and more female professors entering universities and research institutes, and Carly Fiorina, who once was the CEO of HP company, there also have female astronaut. All above can convince that women can do as good as men and even better in some special fields.In principle, at least, we are a society (?)where both sexes are equal. The time has come to rethink what we can take actions to make more career opportunities for women and discard the prejudices imposed on females.

批评的就不说了,要赞的是:用词造句都很值得我们学习
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forbeck + 2 谢哈~~

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三日不读书就面目可憎!

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发表于 2007-8-21 23:42:27 |只看该作者
phenomenon(这个词不是说是作文大忌吗 ?表示什么自然的现象的)

这里可以商榷一下,刚查了一下,社会现象的表示方式是:Social phenomenon,不知道单独的phenomenon表示一种社会现象行不行?

female(少一个代词)

你的意思是:the female 或是 female candidates?

sex(这里要复数啊)

改正!
always played(?)

应为always play。。。。低级错误,以后尽量避免!
a key role in determining one's opportunities for future profession

这句我想说的是:决定一个人未来职业机会的关键因素
不知道这样表达合适不?
males(你前面用the females,而这里就只用males

平时不注意这些小问题,考试会吃大亏的,感谢提醒!

jobs need the candidates possess a sci-tech background这句话有双谓语的,,,)

改正:jobs need the candidates possessing a science and technological backgroud.
one want(?)

这里不大明白,望指点!
we are a society (?)

我们是一个。。。的社会,不知道这样说行不?


非常非常感谢67兄的修改意见啊,很是受用!赞一个!!:loveliness:


[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-21 23:43 编辑 ]

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RE: 【8月18号作文】主题:男女性就业问题----已停拍!! [修改]

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【8月18号作文】主题:男女性就业问题----已停拍!!
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