Issue51 [0710G-恐怖9.11小组] 第8次作业

xiaotunbbUID: 2239241

sIssue51: 739 words
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

Nowadays, more and more secondary schools allow their students to choose a major to jump on the wagon of personalized education. As to whether this education model is a blessing or a curse, different people have different interpretations. Advocates of individualized education hold that it is good for the individual development of the students as well as the progress of human beings. On the contrary, naysayers insist that it will not only restrain the professional path of the students but also bring deleterious consequences to the society. From my perspective, there are merits to both arguments.

First and foremost, individualized education could serve to facilitate the realization of the students' potentials, and help them to succeed in this hypercompetitive world. A lot of research devoted to this field demonstrate that, study is most effective when students are really interested in the study materials offered. That is to say, the education system taking into consideration divergent tastes of students is most likely to thrive. A special designed curriculum caters to the tastes of different students will involve them more in the study process, thus provide more opportunities for them to dig out their talent talents in the specific fields they are interested in. Moreover, students who received individualized education from high-schools as well as universities are more competitive than the students with just general education. It is evident in the college professor's claim that they prefer specialized students because it demonstrates commitment and passion in the field. The employees in the working market further demonstrate this argument by saying that graduates with specific skills are favored by them. To sum up, individualized education will benefit the student and better prepare them for their future.

In addition, personalized education will especially bring benefits to minority students, including those with learning problems and immigrant students, because they are badly in need of help from the educators. Available courses such as language and reading for these two groups of students is necessary, since education will be truly effective only when it help the most students to realize their potential to the fullest extent.

Aside from its effects on the individual development of students, personalized education could also accelerate the progress of every practical field of human beings. It is universally acknowledged that progress of human beings need the contribution of each new generation. More specialized experts emerge from the new generation, more developed and prosperous the future of humanity. Take the computer science for example; it has become the fastest developed field in the 20th century owing to the devotion of many elites in this field, such as Bill Gates and Steven Jobs, who like to dedicate to such domain even at the expense of dropping out of college of the traditional general education. I believe that there will be more elites in every sphere if all the students in university are given the chance to concentrate on the specific disciplines they are interested in.

Even though individualized education could bring us a lot of benefits, it must be carried out with certain caveats. Otherwise it could also become deterrents to the development of both students and the society. For the individual, if the education is too specialized, the student will lose the opportunity to broaden his/her horizon and get in touch with the best of human beings. As a result s/he may not have the ability of critical thinking and positive judgment, which is dispensable for a civilized person. Moreover, enterprise of civil society depends on educated young people with ethical principles, moral values and basic knowledge of how the society works such as law, political theories, and culture, all of which may be neglected if the students' interests and needs are the most important elements to be considered in designing a curriculum. So individualized education should be carried out on the basis that student could receive a well-rounded education to become a responsible, thoughtful and enterprising citizen in the society.

In conclusion, individualized education is fundamentally sound advice. Nevertheless on a scale systemic undue emphasis on it will bring chilling effects. So we should strike a proper balance in individualized education and general education. My specific suggestion is to provide a variety of selective courses besides the demanding disciplines. In this way, the students could receive a well-rounded education which is necessary to make them socialized as well as develop their own interests and become more competent in this hypercompetitive world.

xiaotunbbUID: 2239241

都没人来看，真郁闷，小豚的处女作啊！！！谁有空帮忙看看吧~

jimmy117117UID: 2234416

Nowadays, more and more secondary schools allow their students to choose a major to jump on the wagon of personalized education. As to whether this education model is a blessing or a curse, different people have different interpretations.（这里说的secondary school的例子很容易将自己的文章的内容限定住，让人以为后面讨论的问题都是关于secondary school的individualized education 的问题的，但是实际文章内容又不是的，所以觉得这个例子放在这里不是很合适） Advocates of individualized education hold that it is good for the individual development of the students as well as the progress of human beings. On the contrary, naysayers insist that it will not only restrain the professional path of the students but also bring deleterious consequences to the society. (这里说的正，反两个态度应该用于为后面的论证做铺垫的，但是后面却没有与之明显相呼应的地方，这两个态度放在这里像是两个观点的简单罗列，不是很合适)From my perspective, there are merits to both arguments.（提出了自己的立场，很好呀~~不过不是很明确，我开始还以为是对于前面两个观点的立场呢）
First and foremost, individualized education could serve to facilitate the realization of the students' potentials, and help them to succeed in this hypercompetitive world. A lot of research devoted to this field demonstrate that, study is most effective when students are really interested in the study materials offered. That is to say, the education system taking into consideration divergent tastes of students is most likely to thrive. A special designed curriculum caters to the tastes of different students will involve them more in the study process, thus provide more opportunities for them to dig out their talent talents in the specific fields they are interested in. Moreover, students who received individualized education from high-schools as well as universities are more competitive than the students with just general education. It is evident in the college professor's claim that they prefer specialized students because it demonstrates commitment and passion in the field（没有看懂~~）.（这里的professor是大学的老师吗？也就是说前面的论证全部是针对secondary school进行的啦~~~） The employees in the working market further demonstrate this argument by saying that graduates with specific skills are favored by them. （而这个例子里面的graduates是高中的还是大学的呢？）To sum up, individualized education will benefit the student and better prepare them for their future.（我觉得对于教育的阶段性应该说得比较清楚一些比较好，因为现在的大学基本上都是分专业的，也蛮individaulized了，我开始看的时候比较糊涂~~）
In addition, personalized education will especially bring benefits to minority students, including those with learning problems and immigrant students, because they are badly in need of help from the educators. Available courses such as language and reading for these two groups of students is necessary, since education will be truly effective only when it help the most students to realize their potential to the fullest extent.（since后面的理由和前面的内容好像不是很对口，应该是针对minority students 来说比较好，这里有出现了the most students，让我有些迷惑~~）
Aside from its effects on the individual development of students, personalized education could also accelerate the progress of every practical field of human beings. It is universally acknowledged that progress of human beings need the contribution of each new generation. More specialized experts emerge from the new generation, more developed and prosperous the future of humanity. Take the computer science for example; it has become the fastest developed field in the 20th century owing to the devotion of many elites in this field, such as Bill Gates and Steven Jobs, who like to dedicate to such domain even at the expense of dropping out of college of the traditional general education. （他们好像和individualized education没有什么关系呀~~这一段说了太多的generation了~~和主题有些远~~）I believe that there will be more elites in every sphere if all the students in university are given the chance to concentrate on the specific disciplines they are interested in.（最后一句好像是为了将前面的内容拉会主题来的一句话，这样没有任何论证的推论，不就是我们argument时候主要攻击的对象吗？前面一直在说elites对于社会的贡献，现在突然来一句individualized education能创造很多elite，没有任何证据，没有任何的论证过程~~）
Even though individualized education could bring us a lot of benefits, it must be carried out with certain caveats. Otherwise it could also become deterrents to the development of both students and the society. For the individual, if the education is too specialized （这里将specialized换成“只是随着学生的兴趣”或者之类的意思会不会更好一些？）, the student will lose the opportunity to broaden his/her horizon and get in touch with the best of human beings. As a result s/he may not have the ability of critical thinking and positive judgment, which is dispensable （dispensable 不是必要的，可有可无的~~好像写反了~~）for a civilized person. Moreover, enterprise of civil society depends on educated young people with ethical principles, moral values and basic knowledge of how the society works such as law, political theories, and culture, all of which may be neglected if the students' interests and needs are the most important elements to be considered in designing a curriculum.（这里写得好，很具体，很有说服力~zan!!） So individualized education should be carried out on the basis that student could receive a well-rounded education to become a responsible, thoughtful and enterprising citizen in the society.（这一段写得挺好的，考虑得比较全面，论证和举例也都很好，就是specialized让我觉得好像没有区分individualized 和 specialized）
In conclusion, individualized education is fundamentally sound advice. Nevertheless on a scale systemic undue emphasis on it will bring chilling effects. So we should strike a proper balance in individualized education and general education. My specific suggestion is to provide a variety of selective courses besides the demanding disciplines. In this way, the students could receive a well-rounded education which is necessary to make them socialized as well as develop their own interests and become more competent in this hypercompetitive world.

总体上结构很好，有总的说明，还有特殊情况的考虑，例子和论证也都注意了，就是开头的那个引入的例子和后面elite的那一段需要一些修改，开始的那一段的例子和后面的正反态度我觉得可以作为例子放进后面的论证中，一个例子举出来，将正反两个观点分别放在自己的正反论证的段落中，这样不但加强的论证，而且使得文章更有整体感，让人觉得对于一个具体问题分析得比较深刻，例子是很好的例子~~还有就是elite那一段与主题离得有点远~~重新组织一下，将重点放在individualized education培养了elite，举一个天才不正常上学，因材施教的例子，然后说一下elite对于社会的推动，最后得出这样的教育有利于社会的推动，这样是不是很好一些呢？
加油加油~~bb写得很好呀~~
个人观点，仅供参考，千万不要打电话来和我讨论，我说不过你的~~bb~~

xiaotunbbUID: 2239241

哇~我怎么觉得老公写的比我还多啊！老公真好老公真好！
为了奖励你我还是跟我妈申请一下陪你出去买衣服吧，不过得等我总结完例子！你要是等不及陪我一起总结，嘻嘻老婆真聪明！
我咋就没有写例子的天分呢！那个破Bill Gates 还是想了半天觉得没个例子不象话加上去的呢~