【9月1号】大作文一篇，欢迎来拍！

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Topic：Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not he real need
of the society in which they are sold.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Word:258 Time:41min
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Advertisement plays an increasingly important role in people's daily life, nearly everyone takes the advertisement
as a reference before they go to markets. In this situation, someone argues that the high sales of popular merchants
are not one real need but is the power of advertising, to a large extent, I quite agree with this opinion.

Most of people are easily influenced by the advertisement especially children and women. The advertisement try
every tricks in order to persuade people to purchase. Under the impact of advertisement, it is inevitably that customers
will buy some goods even they do not need them at all. Take the very popular calcium medicines in China for example,
a lot of people buy them despite of if it is really have a need to supply calcium.

It is admittedly that the mass have a sense that the quality of a product can be ensured if it has been advertised in the media
such as TV and magazine. However, things usually do not turn out as one wishes. Making profits is the nature of
commerce invariably, for this object, businessman do whatsoever measures to maximize their interests, and advertising
is just a method to promote their sales. So the exaggeration of quality and effect is a fact in most advertising undoubtedly,
because it is impossible that the fraud is inexistent once having benefits.

To sum, as the reasons I have mentioned above, it can not deny that advertising bring high sales of consumer goods.
Although the huge influences of advertisements are inescapably, I still suggest that customers should pay more attentions
on the quality and practicability of the products what they want to purchase rather than the attractive advertisements in TV.

PS：虽然现在能把时间控制在40分左右了，但是，写出来的东西。。。还是觉得不行。。。好多句子跟词语一到
写的时候完全记不起了，sigh.......加油加油！这样下去怎么行？
大家不要客气，使劲拍吧！先谢了！

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-9-1 03:36 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

夜空今天只有一篇咯:eek:

明天早上再帮你看一篇，俺就溜回学校了:(

LucansUID: 2365832

There is much controversy these days over whether the high sales of popular consumer goods
reflect the power of davertising or the real needs of the society. To my mind, I support that,
to much extent, the popular sales illustrate the true demands of populace, and meanwhile
advertisement on certain good s promote greatly for selling.

There is no doubt that determing what kinds of porducts to be produced is much dependent
on the needs or potential needs of consumers. That is to say, almost all the producers have
made a wide scope of investigation on the current and future consuming trend, so that every
decision is likely to lead to success or be much close to success. In other words, goods before being achieved are designed as everyone's taste, or else they must fail in commercial
competition. Consequently, such products that have good sales must be able to earn more
favor from customers.

Next, we must hold a positive attitude over the duty of advertising. After all, a large amount of
advertisement is able to follow the rules concerned, and transmit some valuable information. It
must be admitted that announcing every kind of advertising is used as a tool to attract more
consumers. Besides, commercial race is often fierce so as to result in various kinds of
advertisement. However, most advertisement published out throughout the mainstream medias is quite positive, genuine and responsible for everybody.

Finally, it should not be forgotten that most consumers are smart enough to make an
appropriate decision whether or not to by something. As a result, it is unnecessary to worry
about that people will be wrongly misled.

To sum up, it should be supproted that the high sales of goods reflect the real needs of our
society, at the meantime advertisement helps most customers know about some products so
that to make good profit for enterprise.

forbeckUID: 2297645

这个~~~~~~~`最好把这层楼拆了，再重新建个帖子，别跟在别人的后边呀~~~;d:

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

原帖由 forbeck 于 2007-9-1 12:29 发表
夜空今天只有一篇咯:eek:

能坚持天天写就不错了唉~~

原帖由 forbeck 于 2007-9-1 12:29 发表
明天早上再帮你看一篇，俺就溜回学校了:(

...forbeck同学不用愁，我来改先哎~~
...BTW...今天又送了点东西到学校，刚回来...

Advertisement plays an increasinglyimportant role in people's daily life(,->;) nearly everyone takes theadvertisement as a reference before they go to markets. In this situation,someone argues that the high sales of popular merchants are (not one real needbut is the power of advertising, to a large extent, I quite agree with thisopinion->the result of the power of advertising rather than the fact that wereally need them. To a large extent, I agree with this opinion.) （说实话，这个题目我就不是很明白，所以这个和题目类似的句子我也没有怎么看明白，勉强按照我的理解帮你改了）

Most of people are easily influenced by the advertisement (^,) especially children and women. The advertisement try every tricks in order to persuade people to purchase (^what they sell). Under the impact of advertisement, it isinevitably that customers will buy some goods even they do not need them atall. Take the very popular calcium medicines in China for example(,->.) (a->A)lot of people buy them (despite of if it is really have a need to supply calcium->withoutconsidering seriously whether it is a necessity to do so).


（感觉这段全部在强调广告有影响力，但没有说为什么，除了一个例子外。可以加上：The advertisers have the ability to manipulate the customers’ emotions by means of advertisement, in order to sell as much as possible.）

It is admittedly that the mass have a sense that the quality of a product canbe ensured if it has been advertised in the media such as TV and magazine.However, things usually do not turn out as (one wishes->the advertisers boast). Making profits is the nature of commerce invariably, for (this object,->\)businessman do (whatsoever->whatever) measures to maximize their interests,and advertising is just (a->one of such) method to (promote their sales->achievesuch goal). So the exaggeration of quality and effect is a fact in mostadvertising undoubtedly, because it is impossible that the fraud is inexistentonce having benefits.（这个观点貌似绝对了一点。）


（这段写的貌似和主题关系不大，但我大概知道你想表达的意思是：广告的影响力如此之大以至于质量不好的商品都能通过广告商的花言巧语卖出去。但你从TS开始表达的意思都是广告不一定真实，这样就有点跑了。）

To sum (^up?), as (the reasons->\) I have mentioned above, it can not denythat (advertising->advertisement) bring high sales of consumer goods. Although the huge influences of advertisements are (inescapably->unavoidable), I still suggest that customers should pay more (attentions->attention) (on->to)the quality and practicability of the products (what->that) they want to purchaserather than the attractive
advertisements in TV.

（结尾也跟着第二个body段跑了一半。其实我觉得这个话题平衡观点可能更好写一些，比如科技进步生产效率提高，人民生活水平提高了，产品更加丰富了。这些都可以是现在购买力提高的原因。就不要局限在广告的影响上面了如何，因为我觉得说清楚广告为什么对人有影响力可能要涉及专业的消费心理学的相关知识。）

（总的来说限时写成这样至少不差了，但明显一些用词不是很准，而且比较单一；句子也写的不是很通。最后多练练限时情况下的写作。）

[ 本帖最后由 GriSSom.ZZX 于 2007-9-1 13:57 编辑 ]

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

嘿嘿 和我一样的题目 先去学习一下那个变字色的工具 再来拍 :loveliness:

forbeckUID: 2297645

我才发现大家的题目一样~~~~~今天心有灵犀哈~~~~~:loveliness:

forbeckUID: 2297645

原帖由 GriSSom.ZZX 于 2007-9-1 13:54 发表

能坚持天天写就不错了唉~~


...forbeck同学不用愁，我来改先哎~~
...BTW...今天又送了点东西到学校，刚回来...

嗯！！ 一定要天空写篇《毅力心经》来;d:

一早上，整出一书包的书来~~重死了，下周回家，还得都背回来:o

forbeckUID: 2297645

Advertisement plays an increasingly用得好 important role in people's daily life, nearly everyone takes the advertisement as a reference before they go to markets. In this situation, someone argues that the high sales of popular merchants are not one real need but is the power of advertising, to a large extent, I quite agree with this opinion.

Most of people are easily influenced by the advertisement， especially children and women. The advertisement trys every tricks in order to persuade people to purchase. Under the impact of advertisement, it is inevitably that customers will buy some goods even they do not need them at all. Take the very popular calcium medicines in China for example, a lot of people buy them despite of if it is really have a need to supply calcium.这句特别的中式，像JG.S.WofA就好了

It is admittedly that the mass have a sense that the quality of a product can be ensured if it has been advertised in the media such as TV and magazine. However, things usually do not turn out as one/这个最好点明是谁吧，要不指代有点不清 wishes. Making profits is the nature of commerce invariably, for this object, businessman/businessmen do whatsoever/末有见过的词？ measures to maximize their interests, and advertising is just a太绝对了/one of or one such都行 method to promote their sales. So the exaggeration of quality and effect is a fact in most advertising undoubtedly, because it is impossible that the fraud is inexistent once having benefits.这个~~有些广告还是实事求是的吧？

To sum 没见过省略up的　, as the reasons I have mentioned above, it can not deny that advertising bring high sales of consumer goods. Although the huge influences of advertisements are inescapably, I still suggest that customers should pay more attentions/不可数 on the quality and practicability of the products what/taht they want to purchase rather than the attractive advertisements in TV.

建议：
文章的讨论点好像有点狭窄了，一直是关于广告对消费者的影响。你的首段就提到了real need ,但是后边关于这个方面的讨论却很少

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

re:3#

There is much controversy these days overwhether the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising or the real needs of the society. (To my mind->Inmy opinion?), I support that, to (much->a large) extent, the popular salesillustrate the true demands of populace, and meanwhile advertisement on certaingoods promote (greatly for selling->selling greatly).


（把自己平衡的观点表达出来了。但你说的“广告对某些商品有促销作用”在下文好像没有体现。这其实也是一个不错的切题角度）

There is no doubt that (determing->\) what kinds of products to be produced (ismuch dependent->depends) on the needs or potential needs of consumers. Thatis to say, almost all the producers have made a wide scope of investigation onthe current and future consuming trend so that every decision is likely to leadto success or be much close to success. In other words, goods (before beingachieved???) are designed as everyone's taste, (or else->otherwise) theymust fail in commercial competition. Consequently, such products that have goodsales must be able to earn more favor from customers.


（观点确实不错，过渡词什么的用的也不错；就是有的句子感觉有点chinglish）

(Next->However), we must hold a positive attitude (over the duty of->towards)advertising. After all, a large amount of advertisement is able to follow therules concerned, and transmit some valuable information. It must be admittedthat announcing every kind of advertising is used as a tool to attract more consumers.Besides, (^the) commercial race is often fierce (so as to result->,resulting) in various kinds of advertisement. However, most advertisementpublished out throughout the mainstream media is quite positive, genuine andresponsible for everybody.


（这段貌似是写赞成广告在提高购买力上的影响，因为广告就是为了促销嘛；但没有把总结这个body段的结论在最后写出来，给人的感觉是你的结论是：广告往往都是真实的。没有和你的TS照应起来。）

Finally, it should not be forgotten that most consumers are smart enough tomake an appropriate decision (whether or not to by something???). As a result,it is unnecessary to worry about that people will be wrongly misled.

（广告是否对人有误导作用好像和主题没有关系噢…是不是想说广告对人没有误导作用所以人民购买力增加和广告影响关系不大，还是…而且这段和别的body段比起来貌似短，论证不充分，不如不写。）

To sum up, it should be supported that the high sales of goods reflect the realneeds of our society, at the meantime advertisement helps most customers know about someproducts so that to make good profit for enterprise.

（结尾基本是把开头复述了一下，这样写不能算非常好（汗一下的是我自己也经常无奈的这样写，明知道这样不好…）,而且最好直接说：广告有影响，但没有那么大。或是：广告有没有影响要看情况了。）
（总的来说这篇文章的段内过渡词比较丰富，也比较合理，小怀疑作者考过GRE…赞一个先…但遣词造句最好加强一下）

[ 本帖最后由 GriSSom.ZZX 于 2007-9-1 15:04 编辑 ]

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

原帖由 forbeck 于 2007-9-1 14:29 发表
...下周回家，还得都背回来:o

也每周都回家？
BTW...whatsoever貌似是“无论怎样都不的意思”，都用在否定句中用于加强语气，估计lz手滑，whatever打成whatsoever...
金山词霸线上解释
无论什么

[ 本帖最后由 GriSSom.ZZX 于 2007-9-1 15:13 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

嗯！刚才查了一下，明白了~~又学了一个词:loveliness:
嗯！每周回家~~

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

谢谢GriSSom，限时情况下脑袋经常出现短路，写出来的东西自己都觉得看不过眼，估计是练的次数少了。。。。以后得加强这方面的训练了！！
再次感谢forbeck同学！！
PS：带的书不少啊，看来准备要大干一番了？？
期待forbeckMM的爆发......;d: