issue160 [08-6G]奋斗组第三次作业 我的处女作欢迎大家拍

hy--phenUID: 2412043

TOPIC: ISSUE160 - "The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."

As a famous saying goes , " A man knows what makes a man" ,  which shares a similarity to what a effective leader should performs , in other words, a capable leader hould not only be well known what particular principles and objectives they committ , but also keep when there is a necessary to shift in popular opinion in mind .

Since we human beings have inhabited on the earth for many years and also there are many different countries and various dynasties in the history , there is no doubt that there are many leaders ignoring whether they were successful or not . Thinking about all these leaders , we can make such a conclusion : The leaders who were determined , insisting on their goals and doing enormous work for achieving their goals , they may be excellent leaders . For instance , there was a famous empire in Chinese history , that is Qin Dynasty's king---YingZheng , who was born as a lord and his political goal was to make his country more powerful . He had independent characters and followed the method to make his country could have its status among the seven countries which existed in China at that time , and ultimately he unified the whole China and created a great time for Qin Dynasty . Another examples is Martin Luther King , who was a black leader fighting with the USA government for black people's rights . He once made a famous speech " I have a dream", inside it , it says a word ( I recommend it ) that he hoped there will be a day when whites and blacks are treated equally which was his lifetime goal and also was his particular principle and objective . For this goal he made a great effort and sacrifice , even his life . Also this campaign is still on nowadays , black people have achieved many rights which they have been eager for many years. Be grateful to his deeds , people will remember the great leader forever. All of above , we can sum that if a leader is long for success at his/her career , his/her must be committed to particular principles and objectives consistently.

However let's suppose that whether it is enough or not if the leader just commits particular principles and objectives and do not budge even though for special reasons or ignoring his/her people's demands . There is a proverb that " Water can float the boat , but also can swallow it." It means that if a leader is too constrained to what he/she holds , even kind of stubborn or obstinate , he/she may be not far to abdicate . Instead , a leader who shifts in popular opinion when it's critical ,and it may make the leader more popular and reliable to his/her people .

Many people may claim this if their leader were unsteady ,they could not completely depend on him/her to tackle with the national incidents and to represent their nation to take part in international conferences . But this comment should neither hold back the leader to lend an attentive ear to his/her people , nor to modify his/her mind if the deed does good to his/her people .Adversely , to take account of his/her people’s sounds , may wins him/her more support from his/her people . And there is no rule that stipulate a leader should always insist on his faiths , on the contrary , agile versatility may build up a more determined and faithful leader in his/her people’s mind .

In sum , to judge a leader is effective or not is not just depend on whether the leader has the most essential quality- -consistently committed to particular principles and objectives , but whether he/she has the ability to make correct shifts at very time.

ps:还没有怎么准备。很菜的。
大家多多指出缺点哈。一定回拍。:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 hy--phen 于 2007-10-15 23:19 编辑 ]

peakbeamUID: 2191066

比我写的强
感觉有点虎头蛇尾，大家都这毛病。

danalddUID: 2282501

As a famous saying goes , " A man knows what makes a man" ,  which shares a similarity to what a effective leader should performs ,(. 改用句号啦) in other words, a capable leader hould（should） not only be well known what particular principles and objectives they committ (commits), but also keep (them应该加个宾语的吧)when(是不是用even好些？) there is a necessary to shift in popular opinion in mind .

Since we human beings have inhabited on the earth for many years and also there are many different countries and various dynasties in the history , there（it 两个there be 套起来用似乎不太好哦） is no doubt that there are many leaders ignoring （忽视什么？加个宾语吧）whether they were（时态乱了） successful or not . Thinking about all these leaders, we can make such a conclusion : The leaders who were determined , insisting on their goals and doing enormous work for achieving their goals （这句话没有谓语）, they may be excellent leaders（这个长句应该加连词，而且前一句没有谓语，除非你把这句的they删掉，不然连完整的句子都不是） . For instance , there was a famous empire in Chinese history , that is Qin Dynasty's king---YingZheng , who was born as a lord and his political goal was to make his country more powerful （这句话的句子结构有问题，得调整一下）. He had independent characters and followed the method to make his country （？两个谓语还是什么意思？）could have its status among the seven countries which existed in China at that time , and ultimately he unified the whole China and created a great time for Qin Dynasty . Another examples is Martin Luther King , who was a black leader fighting with the USA government for black people's rights . He once made a famous speech " I have a dream", inside it , it says a word ( I recommend it ) that he hoped there will be a day when whites and blacks are treated equally which was his lifetime goal and also was his particular principle and objective . For this goal he made a great effort and sacrifice , even his life . Also this campaign is still on nowadays , black people（好像称人家black people也是带有歧视的，不过我也不知道用什么更好，你可以查查看） have achieved many rights which they have been eager for many years. Be grateful to his deeds , people will remember the great leader forever. All of above , we can sum that if a leader is long for success at his/her career , his/her must be committed to particular principles and objectives consistently.

However let's suppose that whether it is enough or not if the leader just commits particular principles and objectives and do not budge even though for special reasons or ignoring his/her people's demands . There is a proverb that " Water can float the boat , but also can swallow it." It means that if a leader is too constrained to what he/she holds , even kind of stubborn or obstinate , he/she may be not far to abdicate . Instead , a leader who shifts in popular opinion when it's critical ,and it may make the leader more popular and reliable to his/her people .

Many people may claim this if their leader were unsteady ,they could not completely depend on him/her to tackle with the national incidents and to represent their nation to take part in international conferences . But this comment should neither hold back the leader to lend an attentive ear to his/her people , nor to modify his/her mind if the deed does good to his/her people .Adversely , to take account of his/her people’s sounds , may wins him/her more support from his/her people . And there is no rule that stipulate a leader should always insist on his faiths , on the contrary , agile versatility may build up a more determined and faithful leader in his/her people’s mind .

In sum , to judge a leader is effective or not is not just depend on whether the leader has the most essential quality- -consistently committed to particular principles and objectives , but whether he/she has the ability to make correct shifts at very time.
1.        there be句型有些泛滥了，如果能变换句式会比较好哦
2.        逗号应该紧跟单词后再空格，你的符号前后都有空格了，word文档都自动判你有问题呢。虽然事小，但多一事不如少一事嘛是吧！
3.        句子结构似乎不太熟悉的样子，很多句子的主谓宾的基本结构都不完整。这个问题可不小，得注意啊~
4.        能用名人名言做论据，挺好的
5.        整体结构还行，用词也比较丰富，就是句式比较单一，还喜欢犯一点低级错误。不过自己注意点应该没什么大问题的~
下次你发上来之前先放到word里头把拼写和语法等低级错误先过一遍会比较好哦，那样你自己会对自己的失误有比较直观的认识
就想到这些啦！要是有什么误会的地方请见谅！一起加油咯~

[ 本帖最后由 danaldd 于 2007-10-16 00:16 编辑 ]

serendipityccUID: 2361261

As a famous saying goes , " A man knows what makes a man" ,  which shares a similarity to what a effective leader should performs (perform) , in other words, a capable leader should not only be well known what particular principles and objectives (to which)they committ , but also keep when there is a (去掉a)necessary to shift in popular opinion in mind . （开头简洁提出了观点，不错）

Since we human beings have inhabited on the earth for many years and also there are many different countries and various dynasties in the history , there is no doubt that there are many leaders ignoring whether they were successful or not . （这句话作用不明确，因果关系似乎也有点勉强）Thinking about all these leaders , we can make such a conclusion : The leaders who were determined , insisting on their goals and doing enormous work for achieving their goals , they may be excellent leaders . For instance , there was a famous empire in Chinese history , that is Qin Dynasty's king---YingZheng , who was born as a lord and his political goal was to make his country more powerful . He had independent characters and followed the method to make his country could have its status among the seven countries which existed in China at that time(这句读起来好生硬，最好再改一改) , and ultimately he unified the whole China and created a great time for Qin Dynasty . Another examples is Martin Luther King , who was a black leader fighting with the USA government for black people's rights . He once made a famous speech " I have a dream", inside it , it says a word ( I recommend it ) that he hoped there will be a day when whites and blacks are treated equally which was his lifetime goal and also was his particular principle and objective . For this goal he made a great effort and sacrifice , even his life . Also this campaign is still on nowadays , black people have achieved many rights which they have been eager to for many years. Be grateful to his deeds , people will remember the great leader forever. All of above , we can sum that if a leader is long for success at his/her career , his/her must be committed to particular principles and objectives consistently.

However let's suppose that whether it is enough or not if the leader just commits to particular principles and objectives and do not budge even though for special reasons or ignoring his/her people's demands . There is a proverb that " Water can float the boat , but also can swallow it." It means that if a leader is too constrained to what he/she holds , even kind of stubborn or obstinate , he/she may be not far to abdicate . Instead , a leader is the one who shifts in popular opinion when it's critical ,and it may make the leader more popular and reliable to his/her people .

Many people may claim this if their leader were unsteady ,they could not completely depend on him/her to tackle with the national incidents and to represent their nation to take part in international conferences . But this comment should neither hold back the leader to lend an attentive ear to his/her people , nor to modify his/her mind if the deed does good to his/her people .Adversely , to take account of his/her people’s sounds ,(,去掉) may wins him/her more support from his/her people . And there is no rule that stipulate a leader should always insist on his faiths , on the contrary , agile versatility may build up a more determined and faithful leader in his/her people’s mind （最好再加两句说下why agile versatility may build up a more determined and faithful leader in his/her people’s mind ）.

In sum , to judge a leader is effective or not is not just depend on whether the leader has the most essential quality- -consistently committed to particular principles and objectives , but whether he/she has the ability to make correct shifts at very time.(结尾表达不错)

语言流畅，结构也不错。感觉不足是说理比较泛泛而谈，比如三四段多数还是单纯提出自己论点，缺少有力的论证，但总体楼主文章还是很不错的阿。新手入门，有说错的地方还请见谅。

欢迎回拍呀http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-748812-1-1.html

hy--phenUID: 2412043

谢各位拍，定回拍（不过本人能力很有限）。确实作文毛病很多，今后一定多加注意和改正。