Issue51-Spring第1次作业

lifeng_913UID: 2397925

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 595          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2007-10-25 0:44:53
   In general I agree with the assertion that the only way to construct an effective educational system is to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Yet in my view, it is too hasty to get to the point that this is the only way to make education effective.
    The chief reason why I generally agree with the statement has to do with the force that in such an education system that can consider the specific needs and interests will help students to fully develop their distinct potential, creativity, imagination and talent, students who feeling centered and appreciated will be more motivated to study. Students are likely to involve themselves more actively in study if they are offered a unique education designed according to their own needs and interests.
    While before concluding that the education system mentioned above is the only effective one, we should know that how we should define the effectivity of education? Whether meeting students' individual needs and interests could be the truly effective way? In order to answer this question , we must make a through inquiry of the purpose of modern education. Because that the effectivity of education is with regard to the efficiency of achieving the goals of education. In my points of view, the purpose of education might be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas and prepare them for a specific job. The students' individual needs and interests could influence his/her type of choosing jobs, it is entirely possible that when education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of students, it can help to adapting his/her specific job. Howeve, education could achieve one of its goals by meeting students' individual needs and interests, but not all of the goals. Thus, the education system mentioned above may be not the most effective way.
    Moreover, implementing the policy to meet each student's interests and needs is a far more complicated issue although the benefits are undeniable. In virtual society this policy is impractical for that the objective to explore each student's interests and meet everyone's needs which require a plethora of energy, time and money will increase the burden of educators and the whole society at the expense of comprehensive education, even though it can not completely guarantee we can effectively meet each student's interests and needs neither.
    However, even if the education resources are plenitudinous, there comes other problems when the curriculumis designed to meet the individual needs and interests. Despite it is obvious that some fields as history, anthropology, philosophy etc. must be introduced to students to help them to appreciate various cultures, customs and political ideologies, students, who take classes according to their own intent, predicable drop some of the main subjects. Common sense informs us that individual interests and needs are not unchanging things during our growth. But as a young student without fully designed their future and necessary skills of some certain courses which they do not interest in, they cannot even live comfortable in modern society. That course of action is namely irresponsible for the students themselves, the society and the nation.
    In sum, from what has been discussed above, we mat finally draw the conclusion that we should commend the education system of individuation, fact the lack of education resources and the aftereffect of developing individuality blindly. Therefore, the most effective education system is that taking into account students' individual needs and interests appropriately on basis of cultivating students roundly, that is what we are making great efforts to achieve!

demerzelUID: 2415264

好文章，学习中~<br />
<br />
能不能帮我看看我的啊，谢谢，第一次写的，太差

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-754262-1-1.html    AGRU131
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-754266-1-1.html    ISSUE51
:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 demerzel 于 2007-10-25 19:53 编辑 ]

gloriaguo1986UID: 2232808

楼主的文章很值得学习！～楼主应该有小宝老师的＂作文大讲堂＂吧，第二段可以改改变成自己的语言．．第一篇能写这么好真的很厉害，结构很清晰，继续加油！～

yoghurt711UID: 2414495

In general I agree with the assertion that the only way to construct an effective educational system is to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Yet in my view, it is too hasty to get to the point that this is the only way to make education effective.
    The chief reason why I generally agree with the statement has to do with the force that in such an education system that can consider the specific needs and interests will help students to fully develop their distinct potential, creativity, imagination and talent, students who feeling centered and appreciated will be more motivated to study. Students are likely to involve themselves more actively in study if they are offered a unique education designed according to their own needs and interests.
    While before concluding that the education system mentioned above is the only effective one, we should know that how we should define the effectivity of education? Whether meeting students' individual needs and interests could be the truly effective way? In order to answer this question , we must make a through inquiry of the purpose of modern education. Because that the effectivity of education is with regard to the efficiency of achieving the goals of education. In my points of view, the purpose of education might be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas and prepare them for a specific job. The students' individual needs and interests could influence his用or吧her type of choosing jobs, it is entirely possible that when education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of students, it can help to adapt(ing)? his/her specific job. However, education could achieve one of its goals by meeting students' individual needs and interests, but 我觉得这样的词可以找高级一些的作一下替换 not all of the goals. Thus, the education system mentioned above may be not the most effective way.
看到这里，我觉得可以适当多用一些长句，复合结构之类的
还有，上面这一段，应该加一些实例进去，也许会更好，论证会更完整:)
    Moreover, implementing the policy to meet each student's interests and needs is a far more complicated issue although the benefits are undeniable. In virtual society this policy is impractical for that the objective to explore each student's interests and meet everyone's needs which require a plethora of energy, time and money will increase the burden of educators and the whole society at the expense of comprehensive education, even though it can not completely guarantee we can effectively meet each student's interests and needs neither.
    However, even if the education resources are plenitudinous, there comes other problems when the curriculumis designed to meet the individual needs and interests. Despite it is obvious that some fields as history, anthropology, philosophy etc. must be introduced to students to help them to appreciate various cultures, customs and political ideologies, students, who take classes according to their own intent, predicable drop some of the main subjects. Common sense informs us that individual interests and needs are not unchanging things during our growth. But as a young student without fully designed their future and necessary skills of some certain courses which they do not interest in, they cannot even live comfortable in modern society. That course of action is namely irresponsible for the students themselves, the society and the nation.
    In sum, from what has been discussed above, we mat finally draw the conclusion that we should commend the education system of individuation, fact the lack of education resources and the aftereffect of developing individuality blindly. Therefore, the most effective education system is that taking into account students' individual needs and interests appropriately on basis of cultivating students roundly, that is what we are making great efforts to achieve!

好文章，层次很好！
还是那句话，可多积累一些，适当地使用长句和复合结构
多读些范文，类似水平的文章
加油！！！



[ 本帖最后由 yoghurt711 于 2007-10-28 22:12 编辑 ]

tyddUID: 2351248

In general I agree with the assertion that the only way to construct an effective educational system is to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Yet in my view, it is too hasty to get to the point that this is the only way to make education effective.
    The chief reason why I generally agree with the statement has to do with the force that in such an education system that can consider the specific needs and interests will help students to fully develop their distinct potential, creativity, imagination and talent, students who (去掉或把feeling改为feel) feeling centered and appreciated will be more motivated to study. Students are likely to involve themselves more actively in study if they are offered a unique education designed according to their own needs and interests.
    While before concluding that the education system mentioned above is the only effective one, we should know that how we should define the effectivity of education?句号 Whether meeting students' individual needs and interests could be the truly effective way? In order to answer this question , we must make a through (thorough) inquiry of the purpose of modern education. Because that the effectivity of education is with regard to the efficiency of achieving the goals of education. In my points of view, the purpose of education might be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas and prepare them for a specific job. The students' individual needs and interests could influence his用or吧her type of choosing jobs, it is entirely possible that when education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of students, it can help to adapt his/her specific job. However, education could achieve one of its goals by meeting students' individual needs and interests,  not all of the goals. Thus, the education system mentioned above may be not the most effective way.
看到这里，我觉得可以适当多用一些长句，复合结构之类的
还有，上面这一段，应该加一些实例进去，也许会更好，论证会更完整:)
    Moreover, implementing the policy to meet each student's interests and needs is a far more a complicated issue although the benefits are undeniable. In virtual society this policy is impractical for that the objective to explore each student's interests and meet everyone's needs which require a plethora of energy, time and money will increase the burden of educators and the whole society at the expense of comprehensive education, even though it can not completely guarantee 加that whether we can effectively meet each student's interests and needs neither去掉.
    However, even if the education resources are plenitudinous, there comes other problems when the curriculumis designed to meet the individual needs and interests. Despite it is obvious that some fields as history, anthropology, philosophy etc. must be introduced to students to help them to appreciate various cultures, customs and political ideologies, students, who take classes according to their own intent,加are predicable 加to drop some of the main subjects. Common sense informs us that individual interests and needs are not unchanging things during our growth. But as a young student without fully designed their去掉 future and necessary skills of some certain courses which they do not interest in, they cannot even live comfortable in modern society. That course of action is namely irresponsible for the students themselves, the society and the nation.
    In sum, from what has been discussed above, we mat finally draw the conclusion that we should commend the education system of individuation, fact the lack of education resources and the aftereffect of developing individuality blindly. Therefore, the most effective education system is that taking into account students' individual needs and interests appropriately on basis of cultivating students roundly, that is what we are making great efforts to achieve!

lifeng_913UID: 2397925

谢谢你改我的文章,
不知道你的文章在哪里,我也去看一下,发个连接上来吧.

林周孟UID: 2341714

Issue51-Spring第1次作业

    TOPIC: ISSUE51

    "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
    WORDS: 595          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2007-10-25 0:44:53
       In general I agree with the assertion that the only way to construct an effective educational system is to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Yet in my view, it is too hasty to get to the point that this is the only way to make education effective. （开头言简意赅，真的很好）
    The chief reason why I generally agree with the statement has to do with the force that in such an education system that can consider the specific needs and interests （应该加上of each student吧）will help students to fully develop their distinct potential, creativity, imagination and talent, students who feeling centered and appreciated will be more motivated to study. Students are likely to involve themselves more actively in study if they are offered a unique education designed according to their own needs and interests.(这个段话语言相当优美，但只有两句，是不是加上个例子，或者再加一两句话，会充实一点，避免空洞呢？)
    While before concluding that the education system mentioned above is the only effective one, we should know that how we should define the effectivity of education? Whether meeting students' individual needs and interests could be the truly effective way? In order to answer this question , we must make a through inquiry of the purpose of modern education. Because that the effectivity of education is with regard to the efficiency of achieving the goals of education. （这句话没看懂）In my points of view, the purpose of education might be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas and prepare them for a specific job. The students' individual needs and interests could influence his/her type of choosing jobs, it is entirely possible that when education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of students, it can help to adapting his/her specific job. Howeve（拼写错了，可能赶得太快了，并且，此处用however 合适吗？好像不是转折关系哦）, education could achieve one of its goals by meeting students' individual needs and interests, but not all of the goals. Thus, the education system mentioned above may be not the most effective way.       Moreover, implementing the policy to meet each student's interests and needs is a far more complicated issue although the benefits are undeniable. In virtual society this policy is impractical for that the objective to explore each student's interests and meet everyone's needs which require a plethora of energy, time and money will increase the burden of educators and the whole society at the expense of comprehensive education, even though it can not completely guarantee we can effectively meet each student's interests and needs neither. （你驾驭长句的能力实在令我佩服，但蓝色这句话，even though 用得恰当吗？neither用得恰当吗？该为either,也好像不很恰当，看不懂）
       However, even if the education resources are plenitudinous, there comes （好像要加上with吧）other problems when the curriculum is designed to meet the individual needs and interests. Despite it is obvious that some fields as history, anthropology, philosophy etc. must be introduced to students to help them to appreciate various cultures, customs and political ideologies, students, who take classes according to their own intent, predicable（好像该用副词形式吧） drop some of the main subjects. Common sense informs us that individual interests and needs are not unchanging things during our growth. But as a young student without fully designed their future and necessary skills of some certain courses which they do not interest in, they cannot even live comfortable in modern society. That course of action is namely irresponsible for the students themselves, the society and the nation.
       In sum, from what has been discussed above, we mat（may）finally draw the conclusion that we should commend the education system of individuation, fact(这个词用在这里是什么意思) the lack of education resources and the aftereffect of developing individuality blindly. Therefore, the most effective education system is that taking into account students' individual needs and interests appropriately on basis of cultivating students roundly, that is what we are making great efforts to achieve!

   点评：你的语言真的很好，我看了好几遍，除了两个错别字，很少发现错漏。不过本文没有引用例子，也好像没作情景假设，可能是本文缺少的地方。不管怎么样，现在能在规定时间内写出这么好的文章实在不容易了。限于我的水平，改的不是很多，请谅解。不过，还是建议你多读点报刊，积累多点素材，你的语言功底已经不错了，再加上素材就更好了。

[ 本帖最后由 林周孟 于 2007-11-1 22:30 编辑 ]

lifeng_913UID: 2397925

谢谢,谢谢啊.Because that the effectivity of education is with regard to the efficiency of achieving the goals of education. 我要表达的意思就是"教育的有效性是关于取得教育目标的效率的"从而引出对"the goals of education"的defination.
缺少例子主要是这方面的积累比较少,以后会加强的.
thanks for your rivising!