issue243[Areo小组]第一次作业by孑。。。

孑。。。UID: 2371205

Issue243  "The true value of a civilization is reflectedin its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments."

                                                                                                                     85’  616words  


In order to make a rational judgment, before considering the issue, I must clarify the meaning of value of civilization. Since it seems an ambiguous conception, moreover, which differs from generation to generation, and culture to culture as well, this problem whether artistic or scientific accomplishment is the major factor reflecting the value of civilization is highly subjective. As for me, the value of civilization is reflected by not only artistic, of course, but also scientific accomplishment.
There's no denying that artistic as a spiritual category reflect a significant part of our value of civilization. That is why we regard the appearance of literature as the beginning of our civilization; after all, nothing civilized can be passed down without literature. Although there are numerous glamorous works in literature, taking one example of Tagore is evident enough to ensure the splendid role artistic play in our civilization. His dramas are filled with lyricism and philosophy, while his poetry deal with amorous emotions, fabulous imagination and romantic life, which certainly reflect the high level of human beings' spirits, thoughts, ethics which have profound subtle relationship with the civilization of man as a whole. Furthermore, all his works inevitably devote to his attempt of delivering the ideas and practice of peace and nonviolence in which I can see nothing but highly-progressed civilization. It is only typical of dozens in our floating history.
However, scientific accomplishments necessarily play an important role in reflecting the value of civilization, if, regarded as highly-developed. Even though artistic contributes largely to the value of civilization, ignoring the happiness or at least, the existence of people which is basic to the nature and deep value of human beings’ life can lead to disastrous consequences. Considering a society without any scientific accomplishments like the modern society we live in nowadays, I doubt that people there can truly live in an easy and convenient life. It is likely that people would even have insufficient provision to live on without effective industry and copious breed crops. Therefore, lacking these fundamental satisfactions of living, not to mention people there would have the spare time and delight moods to do some creative artistic. History don't lack the instances, as  China during the Qing Dynasty shows us clearly whose artistic was highly achieved, however, almost knowing nothing about the fast progress in science and technology in the western countries, at last lose half of its sovereignty to the foreign colonizers’, directly causing the people living in flux for a hundred years or so.
Those who denounce scientific accomplishment may argue that all those serious problems brought in by the science and technology, such as chemical pollution, greenhouse effect, nuclear threat, ecological disaster, even throwback our civilization, as the living condition of people deteriorate generations after generations, besides, our harmonic relationship with nature crumbled along with modernization and industrialization for our endless avarice. Admittedly, it is reasonable that all these undesirable situations may prompt us to conclude that it is the scientific accomplishments smirch our value of civilization at first glimpse; however it is unfair to just put a blind eye on our own nature of devastation and desire. What's more, we have already realized our faults we had made, by no other than science. The reason why we prejudice the scientific accomplishment here is that we fail to take the problem in perspective and judge it from an historical view.
From all the aspects discussed above, we may safely conclude that both artistic, the representative of the level of man's spirit, and scientific accomplishment, the necessity of human beings' existence and happiness despite the improper use of which may lead to disasters, are indispensable in reflecting the value of a civilization.

tonyyoreUID: 2317273

In order to make a rational judgment, before considering the issue, I must clarify the meaning of value of civilization. Since it seems to be an ambiguous conception, moreover,which differs from generation to generation (one generation to another), and culture to culture as well. This problem, therefore, whether artistic orscientific accomplishment is the major factor reflecting the value of civilization is highly subjective. As for me, the value of civilization is reflected by not only artistic, of course (why of course?), but also scientific accomplishment.
开篇就先陈述valueof civilization的定义并不是很明智的做法，应该在首段先大概提到作者的观点

There's no denying that artistic (art) as aspiritual category reflect a significant part of our value ofcivilization. That is why we regard the appearance of literature asthe beginning of our civilization; after all, nothing civilized canbe passed down without literature. Although there are numerousglamorous works in literature, taking one example of Tagore isevident enough to ensure the splendid role artistic(art) plays in our civilization.(用Although引导了让步，但主句并没有转折成分啊。。。)His dramas are filled with lyricism and philosophy, while hispoetries deal with amorous emotions,fabulous imagination and romantic life, which certainly reflect thehigh level of human beings' spirits, thoughts, ethics which haveprofound subtle relationship with the civilization of man as a whole.Furthermore, all his works areinevitably devoted to his attempt ofdelivering the ideas and practice of peace and nonviolence in which Ican see nothing but highly-progressed civilization. It is onlytypical of dozens in our floating history.

However,scientific accomplishments necessarily play an important role inreflecting the value of civilization, if, regarded ashighly-developed. Even though artistic (art)contributes largely to the value of civilization, ignoring thehappiness or at least, the existence ofpeople which is basic to the nature and deep value of human beings’life can lead to disastrous consequences. (忽略人类的存在不是比忽略幸福更甚么？)Considering a society without any scientific accomplishments like themodern society we live in nowadays, I doubt thatpeople there (whether people) can truly live in an easy andconvenient life. It is likely that people would even haveinsufficient provision to live on without effective industry andcopious breed crops. Therefore, lacking these fundamentalsatisfactions of living, not to mention people there would have thespare time and delight moods to do some creative artistic(artworks) . History don't lackthe instances, as  China during the Qing Dynasty shows us clearlywhose artistic was highly achieved, however, almost knowing nothingabout the fast progress in science and technology in the westerncountries, at last lose (lost) half ofits sovereignty (感觉不应该用冷僻词，regime就足够了)to the foreign colonizers’, andhave directly causing (caused) the peopleliving in flux for a hundred years or so.
在Issue的例证里最好不要用中国的例子，外国人不是很熟悉，而且对于他们没有说服力。

Those who denounce scientific accomplishment may argue that all thoseserious problems brought in by the science and technology, such aschemical pollution, greenhouse effect, nuclear threat, ecologicaldisaster, even throwback our civilization, as the living condition ofpeople deteriorates generations after generations. Besides, our harmonic(harmonious) relationship with nature crumbled along with modernization and industrialization for our endless avarice. Admittedly, it is reasonable that all these undesirable situations may prompt us to conclude that it is the scientific accomplishments smirch our value of civilization at first glimpse; however it is unfair to just put a blind eye (turn a blindeye) on our own nature of devastation and desire. What's more,we have already realized our faults we had made, by no other than science. The reason why we prejudice the scientific accomplishments here is that we fail to take the problem in perspective and judge it from an historical view.

From all the aspects discussed above, we may safely conclude that both artistic accomplishments, the representative of the level of man's spirit, and scientific accomplishment (ones) , the necessity of human beings' existence and happiness despite the improper use ofwhich may lead to disasters, are indispensable in reflecting thevalue of a civilization.


这篇Issue总体来讲写的不错，观点阐述很到位，但是用词和句型仍亟待改进。对于用词，不应该直接用汉英词典查到的词，应该先用英英词典查一下用法，以及是否有更好用的词，再斟酌使用。


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拍了两篇了。。。真累啊。。。






[ 本帖最后由 tonyyore 于 2007-12-15 11:49 编辑 ]

victkidUID: 2326283

In order to make a rational judgment, before considering the issue, I must clarify the meaning of value of civilization. Since it seems an ambiguous conception, moreover, which differs from generation to generation, and culture to culture as well, (感觉有些重复）this（The) problem whether artistic or scientific accomplishment is the major factor reflecting the value of civilization is highly subjective. As for me, the value of civilization is reflected by not only artistic, of course, but also scientific accomplishment.

There's no denying that artistic as a spiritual category reflect a significant part of our value of civilization. That is why we regard the appearance of literature as the beginning of our civilization; after all, nothing civilized can be passed down without literature. Although there are numerous glamorous works in literature, taking one example of Tagore is evident enough to ensure the splendid role artistic play in our civilization. His dramas are filled with lyricism and philosophy, while his poetry deal with amorous emotions, fabulous imagination and romantic life, which certainly reflect the high level of human beings' spirits, thoughts, ethics which have profound subtle relationship with the civilization of man as a whole. Furthermore, all his works inevitably devote to his attempt of delivering the ideas and practice of peace and nonviolence in which I can see nothing but highly-progressed civilization. It is only typical of dozens in our floating history.(例子叙述短一点，再简单的提一下另外的作品更有说服力）

However, scientific accomplishments necessarily play an important role in reflecting the value of civilization, if, regarded as highly-developed. Even though artistic contributes largely to the value of civilization, ignoring the happiness or at least, the existence of people which is basic to the nature and deep value of human beings’ life can lead to disastrous consequences. Considering a society without any scientific accomplishments like the modern society we live in nowadays, I doubt that people there can truly live in an easy and convenient life. It is likely that people would even have insufficient provision to live on without effective industry and copious breed crops. Therefore, lacking these fundamental satisfactions of living, not to mention people there（中式英语，可变换一下句式） would have the spare time and delight moods to do some creative artistic. History don't lack the instances,（这句感觉不太好） as  China during the Qing Dynasty shows us clearly whose artistic was highly achieved, however, almost knowing nothing about the fast progress in science and technology in the western countries, at last lose half of its sovereignty to the foreign colonizers’, directly causing the people living in flux for a hundred years or so.（例子和中心句好像对应不上，中心是说没有科学满足基本需要，就没有心情做艺术创造，例子是说，虽然有艺术作品，但是没有科学使人民受苦）
Those who denounce scientific accomplishment may argue that all those serious problems brought in by the science and technology, such as chemical pollution, greenhouse effect, nuclear threat, ecological disaster, even throwback our civilization, as the living condition of people deteriorate generations after generations, besides, our harmonic relationship with nature crumbled along with modernization and industrialization for our endless avarice. （反面的假设叙述得有些多了，削弱了自己的观点）Admittedly, it is reasonable that all these undesirable situations may prompt us to conclude that it is the scientific accomplishments smirch our value of civilization at first glimpse; however it is unfair to just put a blind eye on our own nature of devastation and desire. What's more, we have already realized our faults we had made, by no other than science. The reason why we prejudice the scientific accomplishment here is that we fail to take the problem in perspective and judge it from an historical view.

From all the aspects discussed above, we may safely conclude that both artistic, the representative of the level of man's spirit, and scientific accomplishment, the necessity of human beings' existence and happiness despite the improper use of which may lead to disasters, are indispensable in reflecting the value of a civilization

长句比较多，应该是我水平的原因，读起来有些觉得费劲。

孑。。。UID: 2371205

好认真噢~谢谢了~
我得好好斟酌~~~~~

孑。。。UID: 2371205

不是拉~
句子是因为我的原因~:funk:
怎样把句子写得比较地道还有很长的路走啊。。。

houyanchunUID: 2432949

第一次帖子被锁了，再发一次。真心求拍。谢谢呀

I243:
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-782547-1-1.html
Argument153:
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-782545-1-1.html