argument15[aero小组] 第二次作业 by liuyingbnu

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

Before prescribing that Old Dairy stockholders should sell out their shares and other inventors should avoid investing to purchase the stock of this company, the author cites the following evidence to lend support to such a claim:(1) a recent survey indicates fewer people are interested in foods containing fats and cholesterol (2) such a phenomenon that the food products in low fat flourished in markets. He believes, therefore, that the company producing plentiful foods in high fat will suffer from sale decease and profits diminish. Convincing as such a claim might be, further examination reveals that, however, the author maybe too haste to come to the accurate conclusion in that the mere facts he provides can seldom lend credence to his proposal.
Firstly, the newsletter assumes that the company's sale will go down dramatically. But the evidence he offers are insufficient for him to predict that. The survey he cited is doubtful, for it fails to point out the number of the participants, and perhaps the total number of the participants of the survey on which the author relies is not that adequate. In this case, any result or discovery can be unreliable, and therefore useless. Further, the author fails to rule out the possibility that those who respond to this survey may not be able to represent the whole foods consumers, of whom it's likely the majority prefer foods in high-fat dominate. Without the information necessitated in a survey conducted, the assumption that fewer people tend to purchase food in high fats is unreasonable.
Secondly, another evidence that low-fat products abounds in many food stores employed in this newsletter also insufficiently give support to the assertion that people would buy low-fat products rather than high-fat ones. Considering that people all flush to markets to buy high-fat products, consequently the storage in shops may be somewhat in short. More information about the sales of these two kinds of products in the food stores should be provided in order to make an ultimate decision.
Even assuming that consumers do prefer the products in low-fat to the other kind and the sale of the former takes precedence over the latter, it's too haste to declare that Old Diary company's sales are likely to diminish. As is known to all, a company in modern society tends to possess various kinds of goods. And imaging that the other kinds of products from this company sell so well that the total amount of sales reaches to a higher point than ever before and the company can surely also benefit a lot under this circumstances. Moreover, the profit is a business of both avenue and expense. Even the avenue in this company does decease to some degree, it's probably that, on the other hand, the decease of expense, due to the technology development, parallels that of avenue, or even more aggressive than that. In this case, the profits of this company do not necessarily decline.
To sum up, the author offer us a seemingly compelling advice; however in some sense, it has a series of  logic frustrations and relies on ill-informative survey. To support his recommendation, he should refer to much clearer evidence on consumer's preference to food in low-fat, and the actual sale conditions. Further, I would rather obtain the information about all the products of the very company as well as its avenue and expense. Otherwise, this proposal is still unpersuasive for me as it stands.

hziu2UID: 2326409

argument15[aero小组] 第二次作业 by liuyingbnu
Before prescribing that Old Dairy stockholders should sell out their shares and other inventors should avoid investing to purchase the stock of this company, the author cites the following evidence to lend support to such a claim 1) a recent survey indicates fewer people are interested in foods containing fats and cholesterol (2) such a phenomenon that the food products in low fat flourished in markets. He believes, therefore, that the company producing plentiful foods in high fat will suffer from sale decease（deceasing） and profits diminish(diminishing). Convincing as such a claim might be, further examination reveals that, however, the author maybe too haste to come to the accurate conclusion in that the mere facts he provides can seldom lend credence to his proposal.(the author maybe make a indiscreet conclusion in that the facts he provides seldom support his prediction.)
Firstly, the newsletter assumes that the company's sale will go down dramatically. But the evidence he offers are insufficient for him to predict that（but the evidence offered in the statement can’t prove that）. The survey he cited is doubtful, for it fails to point out the number of the participants, and perhaps the total number of the participants of the survey on which the author relies is not that (去掉)adequate. In this case, any result or discovery can be unreliable, and therefore useless. （in that case, any result or prediction will be unreliable and useless）Further, the author fails to rule out the possibility that those who respond to this survey may not be able to represent the whole foods consumers, of whom it's likely the majority prefer foods in high-fat dominate. Without the information necessitated in a survey conducted, the assumption (assertion) that fewer people tend to purchase food in high fats is unreasonable.
Secondly, another evidence that low-fat products abounds in many food stores employed in this newsletter also insufficiently give support to the assertion that people would buy low-fat products rather than high-fat ones. Considering that people all flush to markets to buy high-fat products, consequently the storage in shops may be somewhat in short. More information about the sales of these two kinds of products in the food stores should be provided in order to make an ultimate (convincing) decision.（这段的论证不严谨，作者所选的立足点不错，但是证明却有些牵强）
Even assuming that consumers do prefer the products in low-fat to the other kind and the sale of the former takes precedence over the latter, it's too haste to declare that Old Diary company's sales are likely to diminish. As is known to all, a company in modern society tends to possess various kinds of goods. And imaging that the other kinds of products from this company sell so well that the total amount of sales reaches to a higher point than ever before and the company can surely also benefit a lot under this circumstances. Moreover, the profit is a business of both avenue and expense. Even the avenue in this company does decease to (with)some degree, it's probably that, on the other hand, the decease of expense, due to the technology development, parallels that of avenue, or even more aggressive than that. In this case, the profits of this company do not necessarily decline.
To sum up, the author offer us a seemingly compelling advice; however in some sense, it has a series of  logic frustrations and relies on ill-informative survey. To support his recommendation, he should refer to much clearer evidence on consumer's preference to food in low-fat, and the actual sale conditions. Further, I would rather obtain the information about all the products of the very company as well as its avenue and expense. Otherwise, this proposal is still unpersuasive for me as it stands.
作者的argument写得不错，结尾段写得很好，可能是越写越有状态吧，后面的比前面写得好。括号中的句子是我认为的表达比较顺畅的句子，水平有限，多多包涵。
作者还是要多多练习表达，文章读下来很多我都以中文的阅读习惯才能看明白，有的用词很生硬，所以读下来有些别扭。
我们共同努力，加油！

zhuzhiweiUID: 2438616

Before prescribing that Old Dairy stockholders should sell out their shares and other inventors should avoid investing to purchase the stock of this company, the author cites the following evidence to lend support to such a claim 1) a recent survey indicates fewer people are interested in foods containing fats and cholesterol (2) such a phenomenon that the food products in low fat flourished in markets. He believes, therefore, that the company producing plentiful foods in high fat will suffer from sale decease and profits diminish. Convincing as such a claim might be, further examination reveals that, however, the author maybe too haste to come to the accurate conclusion in that the mere facts he provides can seldom lend credence to his proposal.
Firstly, the newsletter assumes that the company's sale will go down dramatically. But the evidence he offers is insufficient for him to predict that. The survey he cited is doubtful, for it fails to point out the number of the participants, and perhaps the total number of the participants of the survey on which the author relies is not that adequate. In this case, any result or discovery can be unreliable, and therefore useless. Further, the author fails to rule out the possibility that those who respond to this survey may not be able to represent the whole foods consumers, of whom it's likely the majority prefer foods in high-fat dominate. Without the information necessitated in a survey conducted, the assumption that fewer people tend to purchase food in high fats is unreasonable.
Secondly, another evidence that low-fat products abounds in many food stores employed in this newsletter also insufficiently give support to the assertion that people would buy low-fat products rather than high-fat ones. Considering that people all flush to markets to buy high-fat products, consequently the storage in shops may be somewhat in short. More information about the sales of these two kinds of products in the food stores should be provided in order to make an ultimate decision.
Even assuming that consumers do prefer the products in low-fat to the other kind and the sale of the former takes precedence over the latter, it's too haste to declare that Old Diary company's sales are likely to diminish. As is known to all, a company in modern society tends to possess various kinds of goods. And imaging that the other kinds of products from this company sell so well that the total amount of sales reaches to a higher point than ever before and the company can surely also benefit a lot under this circumstances. Moreover, the profit is a business of both avenue and expense. Even the avenue in this company does decease to some degree, it's probably that, on the other hand, the decease of expense, due to the technology development, parallels that of avenue, or even more aggressive than that. In this case, the profits of this company do not necessarily decline.
To sum up, the author offers us a seemingly compelling advice; however in some sense, it has a series of logic frustrations and relies on ill-informative survey. To support his recommendation, he should refer too much clearer evidence on consumer's preference to food in low fat, and the actual sale conditions. Further, I would rather obtain the information about all the products of the very company as well as its avenue and expense. Otherwise, this proposal is still unpersuasive for me as it stands.


本文逻辑清晰，1数据缺乏代表性 2市场的表象不代表真实销售状况 3
公司的市场多元。   在每段中还有递进关系。 总的来说，写的不错。语言方面也没有什么问题。总之写的比我好多了哈。
建议 1在数据缺乏代表性上可以更多偏向，调查不代表人们的真实意愿，只是愿意吃LOW FAT但行动上还在买HIGH FAT
2 像In this case, any result or discovery can be unreliable, and therefore useless.自己觉得好象没有必要为了个逻辑的THEREFORE作重复。文章达到了570字，建议更简练的表达。