Issue5(0806G-AW小组),第一次作业,恳请大家狠拍

guomin1437UID: 2411571

恳请大家狠拍,不要留情啊
Issue5
题目
"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they entre college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which courses to offer."

正文
We are all learned that the youth should be required to develop the capability on which they have talent and in which they are interested, what could be called competence-oriented education. However, I concede that the children would endure a heavy burden and anxiety if they are sent to school which impart the national curriculum that are set by the local education department rather than the education department of the country, I think we should make the curriculum concisely.

For one thing, the central education department has a more accurate mastery to the situation and the needs of continuous college learning and the society than local education departments. On the one hand, the central education department could acquire information from all kinds of channels and have an intimate relation with other departments of the country, what enables it to make decision more adaptable to the coming society. On the other hand, the local education departments would spend a lot of money and source to invest the needs of economy, politic, and other social factors. For example, in the United State there are more than fifty states, and every local education department might need ten people to finish the investment and to make the final decision, amounting to more than five hundred people over the country, while the central education department might need one hundred people more or less to achieve the same function.

In the second place, for considerable percents of the students would enter the college to continue their learning, it would put the college in a dilemma if the local education departments set down the curriculum on their behalves. Because the students from middle schools all over the country have been imparted different courses which might have no aid to the college learning, should the college constitute the curriculums of high education or the courses that should be finished in the middle school?      Thus, the elementary education loses its original function of setting a basis for college learning, and the student would not master the knowledge thoroughly and systemic. This amounts to waste the students' precious blooming time on learning something useless, and the years which is most appropriate to remember and learn some basic knowledge were killed and the best time of a man's life on comprehending is used to remember the knowledge that should be achieved earlier.

In the final analysis, it would cost more money and source for the middle schools to design the special curriculum and to achieve this aim. It is known to everybody that it may be difficult to seek the teacher of special curriculums while it is easier to find teachers who could teach English, math, physics and so on. For example, it is troublesome to find some teachers whose major are linguistic minority, for some linguistic minorities have not started in college. Even if this requirement meets, it would cost more money to hire a teacher to teach linguistic minority than to hire a teacher whose major is English or math. What's more, it enhance the difficulty to choose the students for college, for there are no united standards to check the ability of the students and we can not hand out everyone a different test paper which could not offer contrast of various students.

To conclude, although the society requires the just person with ability that might be the results of competence-oriented education, we should place elementary education which requires all the students to study the same national curriculum in the first place for the reason that the students should study the basic knowledge to adapt to the coming learning and society. That is to say, we can not conduct the youth to aberrant way as the train could not be driven from the railway. That is why the same national curriculum should be adopted rather than the course set by the local education department respectively.              (共647字)

[ 本帖最后由 guomin1437 于 2008-1-1 05:48 编辑 ]

buaahjbUID: 2335349

首先声明,按小组分配,本不该我为老兄互批,但是有此空闲就批了,见谅.

We are all learned that the youth should be required to develop thecapability on which they have talent and in which they are interested,what could be called competence-oriented education. However, I concedethat the children would endure a heavy burden and anxiety if they aresent to school which impart the national curriculum that are set by thelocal education department rather than the education department of thecountry, I think we should make the curriculum concisely.(首先,我觉得issue5应该重点谈的是全国与各个地方的关系,本段开始就是面向素质的教育,并提到了精简课程,似乎不妥吧)

For one thing, the central education department has a more accuratemastery to the situation and the needs of continuous college learningand the society than local education departments. (赞!这个观点很明确,突出了中央比地方的优势)On the one hand, thecentral education department could acquire information from all kindsof channels and have an intimate relation with other departments of thecountry, what enables it to make decision more adaptable to the comingsociety. (第一条不错，但是应该突出中央可以掌握更全面的信息，而地方没有这个能力)On the other hand, the local education departments would spenda lot of money and source to invest the needs of economy, politic, andother social factors. For example, in the United State there are morethan fifty states, and every local education department might need tenpeople to finish the investment and to make the final decision,amounting to more than five hundred people over the country, while thecentral education department might need one hundred people more or lessto achieve the same function.（第二条要说什么？不太明白，是要说通过地方制定课程要比中央制定课程代价更高吗？）

In the second place, for considerable percents of the students wouldenter the college to continue their learning, it would put the collegein a dilemma（what dilemma？） if the local education departments set down the curriculumon their behalves. Because the students from middle schools all overthe country have been imparted different courses which might have noaid to the college learning, should the college constitute thecurriculums of high education or the courses that should be finished inthe middle school?      Thus, the elementary education loses itsoriginal function of setting a basis for college learning, and thestudent would not master the knowledge thoroughly and systemic.（赞此句，很到位，但是作为本段主题句似乎更好点吧） Thisamounts to waste the students' precious blooming time on learningsomething useless, and the years which is most appropriate to rememberand learn some basic knowledge were killed and the best time of a man'slife on comprehending is used to remember the knowledge that should beachieved earlier.

In the final analysis, it would cost more money and source for themiddle schools to design the special curriculum and to achieve thisaim. （似乎和第二段的第二部分的论点有些重复吧）It is known to everybody that it may be difficult to seek theteacher of special curriculums while it is easier to find teachers whocould teach English, math, physics and so on. For example, it istroublesome to find some teachers whose major are linguistic minority,for some linguistic minorities have not started in college. Even ifthis requirement meets, it would cost more money to hire a teacher toteach linguistic minority than to hire a teacher whose major is Englishor math. What's more, it enhances（增强困难？有这种用法么？我也不知道怎么用，总觉不妥） the difficulty to choose the studentsfor college, for there are no united standards to check the ability ofthe students and we can not hand out everyone a different test paperwhich could not offer contrast of various students.

To conclude, although the society requires the just person with abilitythat might be the results of competence-oriented education, we shouldplace elementary education which requires all the students to study thesame national curriculum in the first place for the reason that thestudents should study the basic knowledge to adapt to the cominglearning and society. That is to say, we can not conduct the youth toaberrant way as the train could not be driven from the railway. That iswhy the same national curriculum should be adopted rather than thecourse set by the local education department respectively.


总评：
1逻辑上：我对此题目的观点是：强调全国与地方的关系，也就是整体利益与局部利益的关系，而作者似乎对学生的素质教育强调了太多，作者应该在全国和地方制定课程和素质教育之间如何建立逻辑关系上，再考虑一下。
另外，主体的三段上大的逻辑方向并不明确，（第一段中央制定课程比地方更更精确，有优势，第二段，全国制定课程保证了相同的基础，第三段，制定专业课程将耗费更多的资源）。
2语言上：首先赞一下作者长句的功夫，但也应适当给出点短句吧。语言上，我的水平也很差，就这一条吧。

liuchun1987UID: 2398171

We are all learned that the youth should be required to develop the capability on which they have talent and in which they are interested, what could be called competence-oriented education. However, I concede that the children would endure a heavy burden and anxiety if they are sent to school which impart the national curriculum that are set by the local education department rather than the education department of the country, I think we should make the curriculum concisely.（对于兴趣和天赋的发展下文都没有提到。直接提出local education 要比national education负担重，没有任何说明是不是有点突兀？）
For one thing, the central education department has a more accurate mastery to the situation and the needs of continuous college learning and the society than local education departments. On the one hand, the central education department could acquire information from all kinds of channels and have an intimate relation with other departments of the country, what（which） enables it to make decision more adaptable to the coming society. On the other hand, the local education departments would spend a lot of money and source to invest the needs of economy, politic, and other social factors. For example, in the United State there are more than fifty states, and every local education department might need ten people to finish the investment and to make the final decision, amounting to more than five hundred people over the country, while the central education department might need one hundred people more or less to achieve the same function.（TS是central education 对进一步教育有更好的导向能力，on the other hand后好像证明的是采用central education可以节省资源吧，对TS没有论证作用。）
In the second place, for considerable percents of the students would enter the college to continue their learning, it would put the college in a dilemma if the local education departments set down the curriculum on their behalves. Because the students from middle schools all over the country have been imparted different courses
which might have no aid to the college learning, should the college constitute the curriculums of high education or the courses that should be finished in the middle school?      Thus, the elementary education loses its original function of setting a basis for college learning, and the student would not master the knowledge thoroughly and systemic. This amounts to waste the students' precious blooming time on learning something useless, and the years which is most appropriate to remember and learn some basic knowledge were killed and the best time of a man's life on comprehending is used to remember the knowledge that should be achieved earlier.

In the final analysis, it would cost more money and source for the middle schools to design the special curriculum and to achieve this aim. （前面要是再加上因为地域文化宗教等的不同，所以不同地区需要有special course是不是逻辑更连贯点。）It is known to everybody that it may be difficult to seek the teacher of special curriculums while it is easier to find teachers who could teach English, math, physics and so on. For example, it is troublesome to find some teachers whose major are linguistic minority, for some linguistic minorities have not started in college. Even if this requirement meets, it would cost more money to hire a teacher to teach linguistic minority than to hire a teacher whose major is English or math. What's more, it enhance the difficulty to choose the students for college, for there are no united standards to check the ability of the students and we can not hand out everyone a different test paper which could not offer contrast of various students.

To conclude, although the society requires the just person with ability that might be the results of competence-oriented education,
（好像是想说local education就有助于个人的兴趣发展，但没有论证的话好像没有明显联系，单写出来有点莫名其妙）
we should place elementary education which requires all the students to study the same national curriculum in the first place for the reason that the students should study the basic knowledge to adapt to the coming learning and society. That is to say, we can not conduct the youth to aberrant way as the train could not be driven from the railway. （有点奇怪~~）That is why the same national curriculum should be adopted rather than the course set by the local education department respectively.              (共647字)



因为大家在教育方面可能都是在个人兴趣和普遍教育上的材料比较多，所以都会不由得与这个话题建立联系。但个人觉得，基本没什么联系。虽然是可以论证的很好的观点，但与主题不太符合，那这个观点不如不用。从段落结构上来来说首段是不是该更明确的指出自己的观点而少一些论证？首段的论证不好展开，说不清楚。
总的来说，语言上比较流畅。

[ 本帖最后由 liuchun1987 于 2008-1-1 20:04 编辑 ]

guomin1437UID: 2411571

所以没有来得及上来,待会抓紧改buaabhjb和liuchun1987的详细点评,感觉收获很大,总是逻辑上搞不清,写到哪算哪