Argument65/0806-AW/重写的第二次作业

EmeraldUID: 2238409

之前写了一个，结果说是错误百出，烂到看都没法看的地步，只好重写。不足之处，请多指教



题目：ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
字数：410        用时：00:30:00          日期：1/11/2008 11:16:54 AM

The president claimed that all stores should discontinue stocking  imported cheese and focus on domestic cheeses. Because  the best-selling cheeses of the last year at the newest stores were all domestic cheeses. And a  recent survey shows that people are tend to eat domestic cheeses. I think that there are still some questionable points in the reasons the president claimed.

Since the president said that the domestic cheese is the best-selling cheeses at his newest store. It seems that he ignored the difference between old stores and newest stores. Compared with old stores, new stores have little experiences on almost every aspect. New stores need time to get familiar with their customers and local market. And new stores are always need lots of money to hire sellers, pay for the advertisements and other basic things. In that case, the new stores will have little money to buy lots kind of cheeses from foreign producers, stores will buy cheap domestic cheeses.  When customers come to these newest shops, they may find that there are only few kinds of cheese for them to choose. If the cheedar cheese is the best one among those cheeses, customers will choose the cheedar cheese without any doubt. Even there are some customers who want to buy imported cheese, they have to accept the fact that there are no imported cheeses or the cheese they wanted in the store. Customers will buy domestic cheeses.

The recent survey is also questionable. There is no introduction of the survey in the memo.  The survey's background is not mentioned. If the survey investigated lots of people who don't have enough money to buy imported cheeses. It's certain that the result of the survey will shows lots of people are more interested in domestic cheese. Another assumption is , if the survey investigated lots of people who always eat imported cheeses in their past. And these people may want to try some domestic cheeses in order to have a change. The survey will come to the result that people are more likely to buy domestic cheese. However, if the survey investigated lots of people who always eat domestic cheeses in their past, those people may likely to choose imported cheese to have a try.  

As a conclusion, the president failed to see the difference between newest stores and old stores. The result of the survey is also questionable. All those will let readers to doubt the president’s point of view.

mztnlUID: 2441079

语言没什么大问题,所以就直接就分析状况给一个总评了.

首先, 文章长度虽然够了,但其实只论证了两点.找出的错误较少,说服力度不够.

第二, 文章的这两点其实都是就论据的不足展开的. 原文的论断是提高我们所有商店利润的最好办法就是停止储存很多种进口奶酪，而主要集中在国产之士上。因为这样可以降低存货费用。但是,这个论断的前提本身就不一定成立. 即这样做不一定利润就会提高. 我觉得文章中要首先明确这一点,才能具体对论据的不足展开论证.这样,文章的批驳才完整而有层次.

第三,就论据的批驳而言,除了文中提到的两点,我认为还可提到: 卖得最好不能说明利润最高.比如,有可能是它们价格特别低，另外新开业卖得好不代表以后也会好，可能这几个牌子最近在做促销活动，这样势头不会保持。等等.

[ 本帖最后由 mztnl 于 2008-2-5 10:53 编辑 ]