issue208 第2次作业 恳求大家狠拍

irenexulinUID: 2251038

Issue 208

The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

人们的外貌、穿着和行为都揭示了他们的态度和兴趣。你可以透过观察一个社会中人们的外貌和举止来认识该社会的理念和价值观。

The statement above asserts that people's attitudes and interests can be revealed though their look, dress, and acts and we also can excogitate the ideas and values of a society by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. Admittedly, I agree in so far as society’s ideas and values and people’s attitudes and interests can be inferred by the way people look, dress and act. Nevertheless, such a discipline does not always function when we reverse it.

If we cast a look back to the history of a nation, it is easy to identify that people from different nation dress differently, act diversely. For example, Chinese dressed conservatively and act cautiously, French dressed normatively and act enthusiastically, Japanese dressed formally and act courteously, etc. In this sense, we indeed can tell much about the ideas and values of society and their attitudes and interests.

Do we really can understand the ideas and values of a society just only by these two factors? What else may be said, most people would say “no”. These factors are not the only determinant to acquire the society's ideas and values. With the rapid development of society and technology, communication becomes more and more convenience and globalization. Each country in the world interact by each other, some kinds of clothes have been popular with people of different nations. An obvious manifestation of this influence is all of us like dressing T-shirt and jeans like levi's, eating western foods such as hamburger and beefsteak, enjoying Christmas day, or even going to a church when we married. As a matter of fact, examples like these are defying enumeration.

In addition, different person who came from a same country with various characters and interests like to dress up and act differently. As some people around me, somebody dressed colorfully, somebody dressed rustically, somebody dressed exposed, and somebody dressed conservatively. They come from same country but have different interests. What is more, the same person will behavior and dressed very different at different time and occasion. As a friend of mine, when she go to work, she dressed up vocationally and act as a earnest worker, and dress up beautifully and act as a grace lady when she go to a appointment, but when she go to a pub, she will makeup in heavy color and dress herself sexy. All of examples what mentioned above illustrate that people's behavior, dress, and act can not stand for the ideas and values of their society, or even can not stand for their own attitudes and interests.

No one can hope to describe an elephant vividly by only watching its long nose. In a not dissimilar way, especially in the era of globalization of the society, we can no longer understand a nation’s ideas and values just only by observing the appearance and behavior of its people, moreover, other factors including traditional culture, condition of education , levels of science technology, political system are also indeed need to comprehend.

这次作业距离上次8天 写的一塌糊涂  很多东西完全无法展开 最难突破的还是字数 每次都只那么一点点  事例的描述也乱七八糟  请求大家狠狠拍  谢谢了

[ 本帖最后由 liyue24 于 2008-1-15 20:48 编辑 ]

liyue24UID: 2350787

原帖由 irenexulin 于 2008-1-15 17:39 发表
这次作业距离上次8天 写的一塌糊涂  很多东西完全无法展开 最难突破的还是字数 每次都只那么一点点  事例的描述也乱七八糟  请求大家狠狠拍  谢谢了

字数没有就是因为很多东西没有展开，也是因为事例的描述有问题。如果这些能解决了，字数就是水到渠成的了。

多多练习破题，对题目话题思考，组织自己的思路和文章内容。一点一点来，会好起来的。

加油～～

irenexulinUID: 2251038

谢谢liyue24   我会加油的  下次我一定注意格式

益安UID: 2372902

The statement above asserts that people's attitudes and interests can be revealed though their look, dress, and acts（单数？） and we also can excogitate the ideas and values of a society by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. Admittedly, I agree in so far as society’s ideas and values and people’s attitudes and interests can be inferred by the way people look, dress and act. Nevertheless, such a discipline does not always function when we reverse it.
If we cast a look back to the history of a nation（回顾历史，过去时，统一）, it is easy to identify that people from different nation dress differently, act diversely. For example, Chinese dressed conservatively and act cautiously, French dressed normatively and act enthusiastically, Japanese dressed formally and act courteously, etc. In this sense, we indeed can tell much about the ideas and values of society(of the people in a society)and their attitudes and interests.
如果我呢写出这么好的例子就好了。佩服。Do we really can understand the ideas and values of a society just only by these two factors? What else may be said, most people would say “no”. These factors are not the only determinant to acquire the society's ideas and values. With the rapid development of society and technology, communication becomes more and more convenience and globalization (convenient and globalizing, 我认为是adj.). Each country in the world interact (be interacted) by each other, some kinds of clothes have been popular with people of different nations. An obvious manifestation of this influence is all of us like dressing T-shirt and jeans like Levi's, eating western foods such as hamburger and beefsteak, enjoying Christmas day, or even going to a church when we married (marry). As a matter of fact, examples like these are defying enumeration.In addition, different person(单数？persons) who came from a same country with various characters and interests like to dress up and act differently. As some people around me, somebody dressed colorfully, somebody dressed rustically, somebody dressed exposed, and somebody dressed conservatively（是否需要把第一分句写完整？somebody is dressed colorfully,请教）. They come from (+ the?) same country but have different interests. What is more, the same person will behavior and  dressed (be dressed 或者 dress) very different at different time and occasions. As a friend of mine, when she go to work, she dressed up vocationally and act as a earnest worker, and dress up beautifully and act as a grace（graceful?） lady when she go to a appointment, but when she go to a pub, she will make up in heavy color and dress herself sexy. All of examples what删除 mentioned above illustrate that people's behavior, dress, and act can not stand for the ideas and values of their society, or even can not stand for their own attitudes and interests.No one can hope to describe an elephant vividly by only watching its long nose. In a not dissimilar way, especially in the era of globalization of the society, we can no longer understand a nation’s ideas and values just only by observing the appearance and behavior of its people, moreover, other factors including traditional culture, condition of education , levels of science technology, political system are also indeed need to comprehend (need comprehending或者 are needed to comprehend,作为名词用？) .


[ 本帖最后由 益安 于 2008-1-16 00:59 编辑 ]

irenexulinUID: 2251038

谢谢益安

mekeryUID: 2302473

Issue 208
The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
人们的外貌、穿着和行为都揭示了他们的态度和兴趣。你可以透过观察一个社会中人们的外貌和举止来认识该社会的理念和价值观。

The statement above asserts that people's attitudes and interests can be revealed though their look, dress, and acts(act) and we also can excogitate the ideas and values of a society by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. Admittedly, I agree in so far as society’s ideas and values and people’s attitudes and interests can be inferred by the way people look, dress and act. Nevertheless, such a discipline does not always function when we reverse it.

If we cast a look back to the history of a nation, it is easy to identify that people from different nation dress differently, act diversely. For example, Chinese dressed conservatively and act cautiously, French dressed normatively and act enthusiastically, Japanese dressed formally and act courteously, etc. In this sense, we indeed can tell much about the ideas and values of society and their attitudes and interests.

(推荐，用一些这样的词加强文章的逻辑)However, do we really can understand the ideas and values of a society just only by these two(应该三个吧？look,dress,act，或者直接用these) factors? What else may be said, most people would say “no”. These factors are not the only determinant to acquire the society's ideas and values. With the rapid development of society and technology, communication becomes more and more convenience and globalization. Each country in the world interact(赞！从interact入手论证，学习) by each other, some kinds of clothes have been popular with people of different nations. An obvious manifestation of this influence is all of us like dressing T-shirt and jeans like levi's, eating western foods such as hamburger and beefsteak, enjoying Christmas day, or even going to a church when we married. As a matter of fact, examples like these are defying enumeration.

In addition, different person who came from a same country with various characters and interests like to dress up and act differently. As some people around me, somebody dressed colorfully, somebody dressed rustically, somebody dressed exposed, and somebody dressed conservatively. They come from same country but have different interests. What is more, the same person will behavior and dressed very different at different time and occasion. As a friend of mine, when she go to work, she dressed up vocationally and act as a earnest worker, and dress up beautifully and act as a grace lady when she go to a appointment, but when she go to a pub, she will makeup in heavy color and dress herself sexy. All of examples what mentioned above illustrate that people's behavior, dress, and act can not stand for the ideas and values of their society, or even can not stand for their own attitudes and interests.

No one can hope to describe an elephant vividly by only watching its long nose. In a not dissimilar way, especially in the era of globalization of the society, we can no longer understand a nation’s ideas and values just only by observing the appearance and behavior of its people, moreover, other factors including traditional culture, condition of education , levels of science technology, political system are also indeed need to comprehend.

语言上的我就不改了，我主要说下逻辑方面的。
先说下好的方面：
1.        看得出来，语言功底不错，至少比我强多了　:) 继续加强！
2.        例子很好，易懂而让人印象深刻

还需要改进的地方：
1.        逻辑有点混乱：楼主是想从society's ideas and values和people’s attitudes and interests两个层面来论证，正文部分安排有点混乱；
2.        论证没有展开：通观全文，都是在讲dress，至少在印象上给人单薄的感觉。

第一次帮人改，呵呵，给个参考吧，希望对楼主有所帮助。

[ 本帖最后由 mekery 于 2008-1-16 12:12 编辑 ]

cherry-xuUID: 2384455

同意楼上的，感觉读下来主要是在讲衣着，外表方面的东西（不过还是讲的不错的，呵呵，比我好），对于题目的前一句话The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests.论证的分量更多一些，而后面的一句感觉论证的不够充分，而这句话我认为才是题目的核心。作者论证的过程是由大到小，我觉得可以由小至大的论证，最后归结到“我们不能只通过可以透过观察一个社会中人们的外貌和举止来认识该社会的理念和价值观，而是要通过多种方法来认识”。   
我也是第一次帮别人改，自己的一点浅见，楼主参考着看看吧。:)