issue130 【Goal to Reach Excellence小组】第3次作业

lovemxfUID: 2335206

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 388（402）          TIME: 00:40:00          DATE: 2008-1-25 16:19:44


The speaker claims that the children's socialization today determines he destiny of society and we do know how to raise children to bring a better society. I agree that the socialization of children is very important to human destiny, but I disagree that we do not know how to raise them to improve our society.

Admittedly, children are human's future and the socialization of them play a key role to the destiny of human being and human society. Without them, human being will be extinct from world. Moreover, without socializing them, mankind also might disappear from the earth. For example, a boy who was raised by wolf could not speak and stand to walk as a normal person when someone found him. Although he was taught for a long time, he was still unable to speak only a word just shouting as a wolf and he died soon after. The example illustrate that if we do not well socialize our children, human could not continually develop and even have risk of extinct.

However, education is the tool of human being to raise their next generation to meet the development of society. There are two reasons to illustrate it. For one thing education changes our children from a natural person to a social person. Because some phenomena merely exist in the human society, children must to learn to meet the need of the society, such as language, using tools, and so on. The example above tells us that only through education that our children could socialize and meet the society demands.

For another thing, our education gives opportunities to their students to choose their interest lessons, which improve the society development and prosperity. When children go to high school, they could choose some lessons which they are interested in. When they go to college or university, they have right to determine which major they do study in. Our education system can provide a series of courses to bring them up. It not only meets themselves conditions but also provide society with a lot of talent in various areas which contribute human society to flourish.

To sum up, the socialization of children is very important to human being for the reason that they are our future. And education is the method to bring our children up to promote our society better .We should continually improve our educational system to better bring our children up to meet future society's development.

[ 本帖最后由 lovemxf 于 2008-1-25 17:19 编辑 ]

lovemxfUID: 2335206

issue 是我限时写的，应该与考试的水平接近，请大家给打个分数。并提点意见。红色字体是语法错误可能到时候会少一些。

[ 本帖最后由 lovemxf 于 2008-1-25 17:22 编辑 ]

jessicakingkingUID: 2379628

issue130 【Goal to Reach Excellence小组】第3次作业

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 388 (402 )         TIME: 00:40:00         DATE: 2008-1-25 16:19:44

The speaker claims that the children's socialization today determines he destiny of society and we do know how to raise children to bring a better society. I agree that the socialization of children is very important to human destiny, but I disagree that we do not know how to raise them to improve our society.

Admittedly, children are human's future and the socialization of them play plays a key role to the destiny of human being and human society. Without them 不清楚them指代谁, human being will be extinct from world. Moreover, without socializing them, mankind also might disappear from the earth. 感觉Without和Moreover这两句话些语意上重复 For example, a boy who was raised by wolf could not speak and stand to walk as a normal person when someone found him. Although he was taught for a long time, he was still unable to speak only a word just shouting as a wolf and he died soon after. The example illustrates that if we do not well socialize our children, human could not continually develop and even have risk of extinct extinct这个词给人感觉太严重了，不socialize children会阻碍人类发展，但也不至于有灭绝的风险吧.

However, education is the tool of human being to raise their next generation to meet the development of society. There are two reasons to illustrate it. For one thing education changes our children from a natural person to a social person. Because some phenomena some phenomena不清楚指什么？ merely exist in the human society, children must to learn to meet the need of the society, such as language, using tools, and so on. The example above tells us that only through education that our children could socialize and meet the society demands. 我觉得上面的例子并没有这名这一点呀

For another thing, our education gives opportunities to their students to choose their interest lessons lessons in their interests, which improve the society development and prosperity. When children go to high school, they could choose some lessons which they are interested in. When they go to college or university, they have right to determine which major they do study in. Our education system can provide a series of courses to bring them up. It not only meets themselves conditions but also provide society with a lot of talent in various areas which contribute human society to flourish. 这一段基本在讲education的作用

To sum up, the socialization of children is very important to human being for the reason that they are our future. And education is the method to bring our children up to promote our society better .We should continually improve our educational system to better bring our children up to meet future society's development.

现在就开始限时了阿，还提前5分钟写完，佩服佩服.但是，感觉文章大量篇幅在讲education的作用，不是很亲近题目所论述的内容，在首段中楼主虽然提出了“I disagree that we do not know how to raise them to improve our society”论点,但仿佛没有找到相关论述，希望楼主注意~一起加油吧,

留连互啪: https://bbs.gter.net/thread-794293-1-1.html！

[ 本帖最后由 jessicakingking 于 2008-1-26 12:12 编辑 ]

zxistheoneUID: 2325339

issue130 【Goal to Reach Excellence小组】第3次作业
TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 388（402）          TIME: 00:40:00          DATE: 2008-1-25 16:19:44


The speaker claims that the children's socialization today determines the destiny of society and we do not know how to raise children to bring a better society. I agree that the socialization of children is very important to human destiny, but I disagree that we do not know how to raise them to improve our society.

Admittedly, children are human's future and the socialization of them plays a key role to the destiny of human being and human society. Without them, human being will be extinct from world. Moreover, without socializing them, mankind also might disappear from the earth.重复了 For example, a boy who was raised by wolf could not speak and stand to walk as a normal person when someone found him. Although he was taught for a long time, he was still unable to speak only去掉 a word but just shout as a wolf and he died soon later. The example illustrates that if we do not well socialize our children, human could not continually develop and even have risk of extinct言重了.

However, education is the tool of human being to raise their next generation to meet the development of society. There are two reasons to illustrate it. For one thing education changes our children from a natural person to a social person. Because some phenomena merely exist in the human society, children must to learn to meet the need of the society什么意思？一些现象很少存在，孩子必须学会满足社会的需要, such as language, using tools, and so on. The example above tells us that only through education that our children could socialize and meet the society demands.

For another thing这两段应该合并在一起吧, our education gives opportunities to their students to choose their interest lessons, which improve the society development and prosperity改进发展和繁荣有点不妥当. When children go to high school, they could choose some lessons which they are interested in. When they go to college or university, they havehad,是不是虚拟语气啊？我不确定 right to determine which major they dowill study in. Our education system can provide a series of courses to bring them up. It not only meets themselves’ conditions but also provides society with a lot of talents in various areas which contribute human society to flourish.

To sum up, the socialization of children is very important to human being总觉得这边应该用复数s for the reason that they are our future. And education is the method to bring our children up to promote our society better .We should continually improve our educational system to better bring our children up to meet future society's development.

楼主好厉害啊，已经开始限时了，我现在写还要三个小时呢，佩服佩服。
楼主的作文结构没有问题，就是语言还有待润色吧，还有就是一写小错误，常犯的是时态和主谓一致，可能是限时太紧了吧，要是我还不知道犯多少错呢。
总之，共勉！

bigyanUID: 2382427

The speaker claims that the children's socialization today determines he destiny of society and we do know how to raise children to bring a better society. I agree that the socialization of children is very important to human destiny, but I disagree that we do not know how to raise them to improve our society.

Admittedly, children are human's future and the socialization of them play a key role to the destiny of human being and human society. Without them, human being will be extinct from world. Moreover, without socializing them, mankind also might disappear from the earth. For example, a boy who was raised by wolf could not speak and stand to walk as a normal person when someone found him. Although he was taught for a long time, he was still unable to speak only a word just shouting as a wolf and he died soon after. The example illustrate that if we do not well socialize our children, human could not continually develop and even have risk of extinct(狼孩是一个很贴切的例子）.

However, education is the tool of human being to raise their next generation to meet the development of society. There are two reasons to illustrate it. For one thing education changes our children from a natural person to a social person. Because some phenomena merely exist in the human society, children must to learn to meet the need of the society, such as language, using tools, and so on. The example above tells us that only through education that our children could socialize and meet the society demands.

For another thing, our education gives opportunities to their students to choose their interest lessons, which improve the society development and prosperity. When children go to high school, they could choose some lessons which they are interested in. When they go to college or university, they have right to determine which major they do study in. Our education system can provide a series of courses to bring them up. It not only meets themselves conditions but also provide society with a lot of talent in various areas which contribute human society to flourish.（这段话的论证似乎略显多余要是能和前一段合并就会使论证更饱满，而可以从别的角度再谈谈作为这一段的内容）

To sum up, the socialization of children is very important to human being for the reason that they are our future. And education is the method to bring our children up to promote our society better .We should continually improve our educational system to better bring （improve our education system better  to bring up)our children up to meet future society's development.
s虽然字数有限 论证也相对不够充分 但是能在有限的时间内完成还是相当不容易的 佩服佩服 值得学习