Argument9--Thrive小组第2次作业

sbsUID: 2453499

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."


In this argument, the dean concludes that Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. To substaintiate the conclusion, the dean points out the fact that Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University and blames the inflation of the grades at Omega University. In addtion, the dean assumes that it is because of the evaluation system that makes the professors give the students higher grades than before. Though it seems reasonable at the first glance to terminate evaluation system, yet I am not convinced by the dean’s unpersuasive evidence and flawd reasoning.

To begin with, the dean does not provide the complete information concerning the evaluation system. For instance, the dean should render the total number of the students and the professors who paticipated in the evaluation. Besides, more details on what aspects does the students assess their professors and how do they evaluate them are needed. Is the evaluation anonymous? The comman sense tells me that if it’s not anonymous the students may not give the assessment objectively, considering about their future grades the professors will give them.

Moreover, the dean fails to establishing a causal relationship between grades infaltion and evaluation system. Neglecting some other factors, the dean unfairly assume that the increasement of the students’ grades is simply because of the professors give them the higher ones. Supposed being the professors, the dean might think that he should give the students higher grades so that he will get better evaluation from students in return. However, this false assumption may mask the true reason why the professor give the students higher grades than they used to, which might be the hardworking of students themselves or easier examination they take. Therefore, blaming the inflation of the grades at Omega University to the evaluation system is open to doubt.

Furthermore, the dean indicates a false comparion between Omega University and Alpha University. The situation in both university differentiate from each other so that the job opportunity in Omega University is apperently not equivalent to the one in Alpha University. For example, most of the enterprises nearby are relevent to IT industry. Chances are Alpha University is speciallized in Computer Science and Electronical Engineering whereas the Omega University is speciallized in Geonoly and Archaeology. No wonder that graduates from Alpha University are successful at getting jobs than the ones from Omega University.

Last but not the least, even if Omega University terminated student evaluation of professors, the situation might still remain unchanged as before. The inflation of grades doesn't possess the synchronous property, hence it wouldn’t disappear at the time when Omega University just abolished the evaluation system. So the potential employers will still believe that the students’ quality is not good enough, at least in a quite long time. Therefore, the problem lying on the graduates of Omega University is still unsolved.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility because the evidence cited does not lead strong support to the dean’s claim. To make the argument more convicing, the dean should have to provide more specific proof, such as the number of student and professors paticipate in the evaluation, the type of Omega University and Alpha University, the situation of the enterprise nearby, etc. Only with these strong evidence that discussed above can I be conviced to what the dean cited.

words:571

没有限时，分两次写的。请指教。

提纲
数据不明确；
作者错误认为学生成绩提高是因为教学评价；
找工作原因与分数贬值错误联系到一起，还有其他原因；
就算废除教学评价，不一定能有更好的就业。

[ 本帖最后由 sbs 于 2008-2-4 09:56 编辑 ]

z12y12l12UID: 2452277

照老美范文写的吧~~

sbsUID: 2453499

参考了老美提纲。

westwindyiUID: 2453478

个人意见：我也看了北美的范文，发现在论证和逻辑上基本上都不会有问题，比较欠缺的是要让我们的论证过程看起来流畅，一条常常的路啊。。加油！
In this argument, the dean concludes that Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. To substaintiate the conclusion, the dean points out the fact that Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have(觉得这个词在这里有点多余吧) graduates from nearby Alpha University and blames the inflation of the grades at Omega University. In addtion, the dean assumes that it is because of the evaluation system that makes the professors give the students higher grades than before（个人觉得没有把题干的逻辑顺序讲清楚：学生评估系统--分数的浮夸--低就业率，建议调整一下以上几句话的顺序，以体现the dean的推理顺序，有利于反驳）. Though it seems reasonable at the first glance to terminate evaluation system, yet I am not convinced by the dean’s unpersuasive evidence and flawd reasoning.

To begin with, the dean does not provide the complete information concerning the evaluation system. For instance, the dean should render the total number of the students and the professors who paticipated in the evaluation. Besides, more details on what aspects does the students assess their professors and how do they evaluate them are needed. Is the evaluation anonymous? The comman sense tells me that if it’s not anonymous the students may not give the assessment objectively, considering about their future grades the professors will give them。

Moreover, the dean fails to establishing a causal relationship between grades infaltion and evaluation system. Neglecting some other factors, the dean unfairly assume that the increasement of the students’ grades is simply because of the professors give them the higher ones. Supposed being the professors, the dean might think that he should give the students higher grades so that he will get better evaluation from students in return. However, this false assumption may mask the true reason why the professor give the students higher grades than they used to, which might be the hardworking of students themselves or easier examination they take. Therefore, blaming the inflation of the grades at Omega University to（on） the evaluation system is open to doubt.

Furthermore, the dean indicates（？） a false comparion between Omega University and Alpha University. The situation in both university differentiate from each other so that the job opportunity in Omega University is apperently not equivalent to the one in Alpha University. For example, most of the enterprises nearby are relevent to IT industry. Chances are Alpha University is speciallized in Computer Science and Electronical Engineering whereas the Omega University is speciallized in Geonoly and Archaeology. No wonder that graduates from Alpha University are successful at getting jobs than the ones from Omega University.

Last but not the least, even if Omega University terminated student evaluation of professors, the situation might still remain unchanged as before. The inflation of grades doesn't possess the synchronous property, hence it wouldn’t disappear at the time when Omega University just abolished the evaluation system. So the potential employers will still believe that the students’ quality is not good enough, at least in a quite long time. Therefore, the problem lying on the graduates of Omega University is still unsolved.（感觉你没有把意思说清楚，直接用他因法比较简单，也是具有说服力的）

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility because the evidence cited does not lead（lend） strong support to the dean’s claim. To make the argument more convicing, the dean should have to provide more specific proof, such as the number of student and professors paticipate in the evaluation, the type of Omega University and Alpha University, the situation of the enterprise nearby, etc. Only with these strong evidence that discussed above can I be conviced to what the dean cited.

words:571

没有限时，分两次写的。请指教。

提纲
数据不明确；
作者错误认为学生成绩提高是因为教学评价；
找工作原因与分数贬值错误联系到一起，还有其他原因；
就算废除教学评价，不一定能有更好的就业。

z12y12l12UID: 2452277

你丫第一条就无赖攻击............

sunman163UID: 2404820

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."In this argument, the dean concludes that Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. To substaintiate the conclusion, the dean points out the fact that Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University and blames the inflation of the grades at Omega University. In addtion, the dean assumes that it is because of the evaluation system that makes the professors give the students higher grades than before. Though it seems reasonable at the first glance to terminate evaluation system, yet I am not convinced by the dean’s unpersuasive evidence and flawd reasoning.(开头段要短小精悍，在你这里显得有些冗余，对文中的内容重复的太多太具体了)To begin with, the dean does not provide the complete information concerning the evaluation system. For instance, the dean should render the total number of the students and the professors who paticipated in the evaluation. Besides, more details on what aspects does the students assess their professors and how do they evaluate them are needed. Is the evaluation anonymous? The comman sense tells me that if it’s not anonymous the students may not give the assessment objectively, considering about their future grades the professors will give them.（即使评价不客观又怎么样？你在第一段中应该继续写一些和你批判内容联系的东西，要不然显得这段很孤立而且也没必要）Moreover, the dean fails to establishing a causal relationship between grades infaltion and evaluation system. Neglecting some other factors, the dean unfairly assume that the increasement of the students’ grades is simply because of the professors give them the higher ones. Supposed being the professors, the dean might think that he should give the students higher grades so that he will get better evaluation from students in return. However, this false assumption may mask the true reason why the professor give the students higher grades than they used to, which might be the hardworking of students themselves or easier examination they take. Therefore, blaming the inflation of the grades at Omega University to the evaluation system is open to doubt.Furthermore, the dean indicates a false comparion between Omega University and Alpha University. The situation in both university differentiate from each other so that the job opportunity in Omega University is apperently not equivalent to the one in Alpha University. For example, most of the enterprises nearby are relevent to IT industry. Chances are Alpha University is speciallized in Computer Science and Electronical Engineering whereas the Omega University is speciallized in Geonoly and Archaeology. No wonder that graduates from Alpha University are successful at getting jobs than the ones from Omega University.（这段的例子够具体，这才有说服力）Last but not the least, even if Omega University terminated student evaluation of professors, the situation might still remain unchanged as before. The inflation of grades doesn't possess the synchronous property, hence it wouldn’t disappear at the time when Omega University just abolished the evaluation system. So the potential employers will still believe that the students’ quality is not good enough, at least in a quite long time. Therefore, the problem lying on the graduates of Omega University is still unsolved.（这段感觉挺牵强的，因为你说即使采取了短期内仍然改变不了employee的看法，那你的意思是他们学校就任由这种“恶心”的评价制度泛滥？）To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility because the evidence cited does not lead strong support to the dean’s claim. To make the argument more convicing, the dean should have to provide more specific proof, such as the number of student and professors paticipate in the evaluation, the type of Omega University and Alpha University, the situation of the enterprise nearby, etc. Only with these strong evidence that discussed above can I be conviced to what the dean cited.words:571没有限时，分两次写的。请指教。提纲数据不明确；作者错误认为学生成绩提高是因为教学评价；找工作原因与分数贬值错误联系到一起，还有其他原因；就算废除教学评价，不一定能有更好的就业。


第一篇能写这样很不错了，呵呵，好处我就不多说了。感觉你的论证不是很有力，一定要具体才可信！再者还有一些细节地方有待提高，比如说文中还有错误如雇主显然认为omega的学生不行了，如果要得高分这些小的也必须写写，呵呵。。。我是新手，对你文章的见解就这么多，有什么认为不妥的地方我们还可以继续讨论：）