issue150 『jet小组』 第五次作业

LITTERBOULDERUID: 2367811

Word:531     time: N/A     Data:2/9/2008
According to the speaker, tourism will soon become obsolete as the widespread of television and worldwide computer connections which deprives our curiosity to travel. Although I agree that information and documentaries provided by television and Web, in terms of written words, images and video, play a positive role in enlarging the reputation of famous spots such as historical remains and nature sceneries, there is far more to enjoy than what we see and hear. Thus the speaker overstates the comparative significance of tourism information as an advertising tool.

Our common sense and life experience partly lend more or less support to the speaker’s assertion, especially something related to pure entertainment. If we, even before starting reading a detective story, know the murderer even his method of committing, is the book still fascinating or funny? If we have already enjoyed most laughable sections of a comedy by Mr. Bean or Jim Kerry, are we still willing to pay for the ticket of a seat in cinema? Of course, not. Whether we can extend this broad assertion to embrace tourism, which is after all a form of entertainment, requires a clearly definition of the essence of tourism, which is not only a way to enjoy, relax and entertain, it is also a close scrutiny of another culture, a journey through the flow of history in a special way and an experience to feel another lifestyle and customs, by which I mean is something more on a spiritual level, not pure entertainment.

Whether the information we get from television or websites is a appealing documentary of a quite islands only located in South Pacific Ocean or a emotional recall of the unforgettable journey he or she had experienced, as to the viewers, readers and audiences at least their potential targets, conveys full of intensive attractions, as well as temptations. Such intensive descriptions and appealing images strongly incite something deeply rooted in hearts, maybe having a lonely excursion in the idyllic pastoral scene full of twittering of birds, or being a cowboy just like John. Wayne and Henry. Fonda in early western films. So the prosperity, not regression as the speaker asserts, of today’s industry of tourism is a most compelling example to illustrate functions of these nice articles and amazing programs.

Another reason why tourism remains popular, even more, in the face of challenges from television and internet should be greatly attributed to human nature, such as a desire for exploring uncharted territory and craving to understand the world around us better. Even though today’s increasing effective and accessible technique in exchanging information has already satisfied every essential need for us, at least in form of virtual images and video. However, such innate desire never satisfy these, we humans are more willing to be a voyager, a adventurer and a informed person instead of a viewer, a listener and a audience.

In sum, the speaker’s assertion overstates the importance of propaganda tools, at least to some extent while ignoring some requirements from human nature, after all what we see from television or internet provide one dimension of the world, to truly understand the beauty of our nature, we need to go outside of homes.

icedmathUID: 2343618

issue150 『jet小组』 第五次作业

by LITTERBOULDER

Word:531    time: N/A     Data:2/9/2008According to the speaker, tourism will soon become obsolete as thewidespread of television and worldwide computer connections which deprives ourcuriosity to travel. Although I agree that informationand documentaries provided by television and Web, in terms of written words,images and video, play a positive role in enlarging the reputation of famousspots such as historical remains and nature sceneries, there is far more toenjoy than what we see and hear.（让步，赞！）Thus the speaker overstates the comparative significance of tourism informationas an advertising tool.Our common sense and life experience partly lend more or less support tothe speaker’s assertion, especially something related to pure entertainment. Ifwe, even before starting reading a detective story, know the murderer even hismethod of committing, is the book still fascinating or funny? If we havealready enjoyed most laughable sections of a comedy by Mr. Bean or Jim Kerry,are we still willing to pay for the ticket of a seat in cinema? Of course, not（no）.Whether we can extend this broad assertion to embrace tourism, which is afterall a form of entertainment, requires a clearly（副词一般不宜直接修饰名词definition） definition of the essence of tourism,which is not only a way to enjoy, relax and entertain, it is also a closescrutiny of anotherculture, a journey through the flow of history in a special way and anexperience to feel another lifestyle and customs, by which I mean is somethingmore on（at a … level是常见的表达） a spirituallevel, not pure（一来用词有些重复，二来貌似不很准确，mere是不是更好？） entertainment. Whether the information we get from television or websites is a（an） appealing documentary of a quite（quiet） islands（island，如果是指群岛，可用archipelago）only located in（on） South Pacific Ocean or a（an）emotional recall of the unforgettable journey he or she had experienced, as tothe viewers, readers and audiences(audience集有读者观众听众一身的意思，而且一般作为集合名词不加复数——复数表示读者观众听众的数量) at least their potential targets, (it) conveys full of（一般它引导后置定语，可直接删掉而不影响意思表达吧？）intensiveattractions, as well as temptations. Such intensive（貌似有重复之嫌，能否考虑换个词？） descriptions and appealing images strongly incite something deeply rooted inhearts, maybe having a lonely excursion in the idyllic pastoral scene full oftwittering of birds, or being a cowboy just like John.Wayne and Henry. Fonda in early western films（这个例子只是说明一种状态而不是与前面对照讲做/游什么，貌似不怎么准确或者恰当）. So the prosperity, notregression as the speaker asserts, of today’s industry of tourism is a mostcompelling example to illustrate functions of these nice articles and amazingprograms.Another reason why tourism remains popular, even more, in the face ofchallenges from television and internet should be greatly attributed to humannature, such as a desire for exploring uncharted territory and craving tounderstand the world around us better. Even though today’s increasing effectiveand accessible technique in exchanging information has already satisfied everyessential need for us, at least in form of virtual images and video. However,such innate desire never satisfy（hasnever satisfied by） these, （thus） we humans are more willing to be avoyager, a（an） adventurer and a（an）informed person instead of a viewer, a listener and aaudience（同上）.In sum, the speaker’s assertion overstates the importance of propagandatools, at least to some extent（,） whileignoring some requirements from human nature,（.） after（After） all what we see from television orinternet provide(provides) one dimension of theworld, to truly understand the beauty of our nature, (yet)we need to go outside of homes.

总体说来，语汇丰富，逻辑清晰，思想较有层次。段落的主旨句能够表达得更直接和清晰，而不是中国式的婉转或者需要读者推断，可能更加适合美国人的思维习惯；然长句和复杂句使用过多，如果有适当的插入语或者短句隔开就更好；语法细节处更细心一点会减少不必要的损失。

NOTE:红色标记为更正处，绿色标记为添加，蓝色标记为值得借鉴处。

第一次改作文，加之实力所限，如有不对的地方，请见谅。另外，我的作文叫得比较晚，比较烂，也麻烦您帮忙改下。

[ 本帖最后由 icedmath 于 2008-2-15 15:11 编辑 ]