Argument71 [Jet小组] 第六次作业

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

第一次写argument, 用了些模板的开头和结尾的句子. 语言完全没有力度, 只会生硬地搬中文思维里的错, 更不会用逻辑术语来指出错误,今后还得跟大家多多学习. 也不知是哪位XDJM来帮忙修改我的处女作, 只得辛苦辛苦了, 滴滴在此先谢过.

题目：ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.

The speaker asserts that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly for the new copper-extracting technologies use less electricity. At the first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing.

However, though the old process requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low, doesn't claim that it required large amounts of electricity when the proportion of copper is high, since the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. If the old process use the same amounts of electricity or even less than the new technology when in high proportion copper ore, than we cannot expect the amount of electricity to decline whether we use the new or the old.

Additionally, even though the new technology uses less electricity, it might not be widely applied since the only way to extract pure copper from ore was the older process until fairly recently. To apply a new process requires enough money and other technical conditions. Besides, the argument fails to show that whether the new technology uses other power, whether it wastes the other valuable metals or whether it will make pollution to the environment. Any of the above reasons may affects the application of the new technology and we cannot assert that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline, let along to decline significantly.

Their may be also other factors to influence the amount of electricity used in copper-extraction industry. If the new technology extracts impure copper then it may need to go through other processes which also use electricity. Finally when extracts the same amount of pure copper, the new technology may use even more electricity than the older process.

In sum, this argument is not convincing as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the author would have to show more statistics about the new technology and the older process under different circumstances. Additionally, the speaker must provide the possibility of how wide will this new technology being applied. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more strengthen.

[ 本帖最后由 滴滴雨儿 于 2008-2-15 15:12 编辑 ]

benjamin07UID: 2310909

The speaker asserts that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly for the new copper-extracting technologies use less electricity. At the first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing.

However, though the old process requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low, it doesn't claim that it required large amounts of electricity when the proportion of copper is high, since the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. If the old process uses the same amounts of electricity or even less ones than the new technology dioes when in high proportion copper ore, then we cannot expect the amount of electricity can decline whether we use the new or the old.

Additionally, even though the new technology uses less electricity, it might not be widely applied since the only way to extract pure copper from ore was the older process until fairly recently. To apply a new process requires enough money and other technical conditions. Besides, the argument fails to show that whether the new technology uses other power, whether it wastes the other valuable metals or whether it will make pollution to the environment. Any of the above reasons may affects the application of the new technology and we cannot safely assert that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry declines, let along to decline significantly.

There may be also other factors  influencing the amount of electricity used in copper-extraction industry. If the new technology extracts impure copper then it may need to go through other processes which also use electricity. Finally when extracts the same amount of pure copper, the new technology may use even more electricity than the older process.

In sum, this argument is not convincing as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the author would have to show more statistics about the new technology and the older process under different circumstances. Additionally, the speaker must provide the possibility of how wide will this new technology being applied. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more strengthened.

基本上是挑出了这篇文章的所有毛病，argument的诀窍就是多多锻炼，语言要形成自己的风格， 另外需要注意的是你的逻辑用语缺乏，需要加强这方面的分析。虽然你知道意思，但是表达不够美妙，当然了，你这样也可以，不过可以提高很多，至少我觉得。

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

十分感谢~! 第一次写确实感到无所适从, 完全在说大白话. 我会多多练习的, 谢谢鼓励! ^_^

charleqinUID: 2854380

现在你应该已经出国了吧？GRE的成绩是多少啊