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[i习作temp] Issue11 [Jet小组] 第十一次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2008-2-25 20:54:55 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
题目:ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."

As some social problems such as poverty, terrorism, and environment pollution have become increasingly serious, some people suggest that all nations should help establish a global university where students can discuss how to solve these world's most persistent problems. This suggestion seemingly be feasible, however, we may still find it unsound from several aspects.

Admittedly, if this so-called global university did exist, its students might involve elites from countries with different culture background. They gathered to solve problems for humankind and they might learn a lot from their peers since these people can discuss problems from their own perspectives and therefore, form a more integrated picture of this world.

However, it is just the cultural differences among these students that might hardly lead to an agreement of a global issue. Such as human nature, one usually stands for its own benefits, speak for its own group, and represents for its own country. A global university as the speaker contends may easily lead to the situation that some students from the developing countries which are overpeopled insist that we should make abortion and sterilization legal in order to solve the overpopulation problem on the earth while the others from underpopulated countries may hold that they need more citizens. As we can see from this case, whether a problem should be agreed or not, largely depends on which class it stands for and who will benefit most from it. A single global university cannot solve this problem by discussion among its students.

Besides, a particular university requires financial support and professional faculty. Those donate large amount of money to establish such a university and those assign the most professors to this university may has the biggest power to decide which issue the university should solve first, and probably, how to solve it. That is to say, those developed countries may have spent much more on establishing this university than those developing countries do. Thus this university may likely become a tool of the developed country and it follows that the problems discussed in it may mostly beneficial for its largest supporters, rather than for the good of all countries. In that case, the university may lose its original function- solving the world's most persistent social problems.

Moreover, as the basic function of universities, providing their students opportunities to seek for truth, doesn't have such abilities to solve the world's most persistent social problems. These problems are usually caused by several factors that associated with every aspects of the society. For instance, we do need to solve the greenhouse effect urgently, but this issue is related to every countries economy. If we close all the manufactories which produce greenhouse gases, the economy of the nation will collapse and as a result, its people can no more live good lives. If we cultivate more plants to reduce the greenhouse effect, it will goes to another matter that whether the country has the ability to support the project or not. To solve such a global issue, usually require supports from aspects of finance, politics, and believes.

As a matter of fact, the world's most well-known universities such as Princeton,  Harvard, Cambridge, Oxford and so forth, have already taken several means to make their students take part in these world problem discussions. World-wide seminars, long distance education, international meetings are well focused on these persistent social issues. These methods successfully avoid the disadvantages mentioned above, and more or less, play an equal role as the global university as the speaker assumes. So does the World Health Organization, a global organization aiming at solving health problems in the whole world.
What if everything happens out of control?
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发表于 2008-2-28 15:13:51 |只看该作者
As some social problems such as poverty, terrorism, and environment pollution have become increasingly serious, some people suggest that all nations should help establish a global university where students can discuss how to solve these world's most persistent problems. This suggestion seemingly be feasible, however, we may still find it unsound from several aspects.
However, although this suggestion seemingly be feasibl, we may still find it unsound from several aspects.开头简短明晰,不错。

Admittedly, if this so-called global university did exist, its students might involve elites from countries with different culture background. They gathered to solve problems for humankind and they might learn a lot from their peers since these people can discuss problems from their own perspectives and therefore, form a more integrated picture of this world.
用Admittedly 不太合适,改用naturally或Certainly吧。最后一句话的表达可以更精确一些。如:since each of them has a special perspective that related to the different background, and eventually a more integrated picture could be formed, which can depict the world more accurately.

However, it is just the cultural differences among these students that might hardly lead to an agreement of a global issue. Such as human nature, one usually stands for its own benefits, speak for its own group, and represents for its own country. A global university as the speaker contends may easily lead to the situation that some students from the developing countries which are overpeopled(overpopulated) insist that we should make abortion and sterilization legal in order to solve the overpopulation problem on the earth while the others from underpopulated countries, usually the developed countries experiencing negative population growth,  may challenge this suggestion and hold that they need more citizens. As we can see from this case, whether a problem should be agreed or not, largely depends on which class it stands for and who will benefit most from it. A single global university cannot solve this problem by discussion among its students. 这句话还是有点不太清楚。

Besides, a particular university requires financial support and professional faculty. Those donate large amount of money to establish such a university and those assign the most professors to this university may has the biggest power to decide which issue the university should solve first, and probably, how to solve it. That is to say, those developed countries may have spent much more on establishing this university than those developing countries do. Thus this university may likely become a tool of the developed country and it follows that the problems discussed in it may mostly beneficial for its largest supporters, rather than for the good of all countries. In that case, the university may lose its original function- solving the world's most persistent social problems. 这段的观点和角度不错,值得学习。

Moreover, as the basic function of universities, providing their students opportunities to seek for truth, doesn't have(naturally involve) such abilities to solve the world's most persistent social problems.(这个词反复出现多次,可以试着换个说法) These problems are usually caused by several factors that associated with every aspects of the society. For instance, we do need to solve the greenhouse effect urgently, but this issue is related to every countries economy. If we close all the manufactories which produce greenhouse gases, the economy of the nation will collapse and as a result, its people can no more live good lives. If we cultivate more plants to reduce the greenhouse effect, it will goes to another matter that whether the country has the ability to support the project or not. To solve such a global issue, usually require supports from aspects of finance, politics, and believes. 举例和后面的论证没有紧密地联系university function这个分论点。

As a matter of fact, the world's most well-known universities such as Princeton,  Harvard, Cambridge, Oxford and so forth, have already taken several means to make their students take part in these world problem discussions. World-wide seminars, long distance education, international meetings are well focused on these persistent social issues. These methods successfully avoid the disadvantages mentioned above, and more or less, play an equal role as the global university as the speaker assumes. So does the World Health Organization, a global organization aiming at solving health problems in the whole world.这段和上文的联系是什么?转折还是承接?用作结尾会削弱全文的主旨。
总的来说,全文在最后一段之前的结构和论证都没有太大的问题,但是语言的准确性和变化还需要提高。
最有一段总觉得有些突兀阿。是不是因为时间不够呢?不要这一段而改称总结的结尾效果会更好。
你的文章和给我的评论对我帮助很大,希望共同进步!!

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RE: Issue11 [Jet小组] 第十一次作业 [修改]
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