argument52 欢迎拍砖~ 必回拍~

wxtxxmUID: 2339833

TOPIC: ARGUMENT52 - The following appeared in a memo to the human resources manager at Baobob Inc., a large architectural firm.

"Several well-known, retired architects were interviewed in Architecture Today about changes in the field. Only one had earned a college degree in architecture. All others had come into the field at an early age by serving apprenticeships that required them to work under the direct supervision of an experienced architect. Several of the colleges that we recruit from report that many promising architecture students leave school early in their undergraduate career. Therefore, because finding talented architecture graduates is becoming more difficult, Baobob Inc. should start an aggressive apprenticeship program and hire students who express an interest in architecture directly out of high school rather than wait for them to get out of college."
WORDS: 484         TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-2-27 20:21:56

In this argument, the manager claims that Baobob Inc. should start an apprenticeship program from high school graduates directly before they get to college. However, in my view, I cannot accept the idea of the manager because of such facets as follows.

First of all, the interview of Architecture Today may not reflect the overall condition . Firstly, the magazine only interviewed retired, well-known architects, which cannot reflect the whole condition of architects. Architects include different kinds of people, young or old, men or women, white people or coloured people, and etc.So only through such  retired, well-known architects, the result of interview is worthy doubt. In addition, the magazine did not tell the number of architects who accept interview. Maybe there are only a few people in the interview, and in such condition, the credible result was weakened .Secondly, even though the interview can represent the whole condition, but how can we know the trends will last for future? It is entirely possible that the trends have changed already, so that the suggestion of the manager will be of no value.

Then, from the report of colleges, it cannot say that the students who leave at school are not excellent. Firsyly, can the report reflect the true condition? Like the interview, the manager fails to give detaied information about the condition of respondents such as their number, gender, age, and etc. Secondly, I concede that the report is credible, this report fails to give the information on the students who graduate from the college. It is entirely possible that  the remain students are more excellent because they get education for a longer time than those who leave school before graduation. And the knowledge graduates have is much more than undergraduate students, So when they are in work, it is certain that many problems can only be solved by graduates.

Finally, even if the interview and the report can demonstrate that it has become difficult to find talented architecture graduates, but the clamation of apprenticeship program does not have any evidence to support. Can the students who have high interests in architecture can become excellent certainly? Of course not. Be an excellent architect, it is not sufficient to have interests solely. Related knowledge, abundant experiences, and so on, which are very important and necessary .If they cannot enter college, the necessary knowledge they will not obtain.In such condition, not entering college will have negative  rather than positive influences for them. I concede that working at an early time can give people more experiences, which graduates from college will also obtain after they have worked. However, to the knowledge,what graduates learned from college, students out of high school will not obtain forever.

In sum, I cannot accept the idea of this manager because of such flaws as mentioned above. The manager should give more information and do more detailed survey before he carry out this programme.

Marvelous_czUID: 2451875

In this argument, the manager claims that Baobob Inc. should start an apprenticeship program from high school graduates directly before they get to college. However, in my view, I cannot accept the idea of the manager because of such facets as follows.First of all, the interview of Architecture Today may not reflect the overall condition . Firstly, the magazine only interviewed retired, well-known architects, which cannot reflect the whole condition of architects. Architects include different kinds of people, young or old, men or women, white people or coloured people, and etc.So only through such  retired, well-known architects, the result of interview is worthy doubt. In addition, the magazine did not tell the number of architects who accept interview. Maybe there are only a few people in the interview, and in such condition, the credible result was weakened .Secondly, even though the interview can represent the whole condition, but how can we know the trends will last for future? It is entirely possible that the trends have changed already, so that the suggestion of the manager will be of no value.这段分析关于调查的样本代表性问题还是很深刻的。
不过我觉得，可能象A的文章，一段里最好只要有一点进行攻击。
你这里已经分了至少两点来进行攻击的话，似乎不是很好，可以把secondly之后的部分再开一段拿出来论述，其实效果可能也不错的~~

Then, from the report of colleges, it cannot say that the students who leave at school are not excellent. Firsyly, can the report reflect the true condition? Like the interview, the manager fails to give detaied information about the condition of respondents such as their number, gender, age, and etc. Secondly, I concede that the report is credible, this report fails to give the information on the students who graduate from the college. It is entirely possible that  the remain students are more excellent because they get education for a longer time than those who leave school before graduation. And the knowledge graduates have is much more than undergraduate students, So when they are in work, it is certain that many problems can only be solved by graduates.抨击作者论述的第2点，比较清楚。
还是觉得那点，一段里又说了两个层次。
其实我认为这里比较重要的错误还是作者忽略了关于那些毕业生的信息。至于第二天响应者的资料问题，其实在上面这种错误已经说过了，而且也不是那么重要。所以我感觉其实不写这点，只强调没说毕业生资料的问题可能会更好~~
Finally, even if the interview and the report can demonstrate that it has become difficult to find talented architecture graduates, but the clamation of apprenticeship program does not have any evidence to support. Can the students who have high interests in architecture can become excellent certainly? Of course not. Be an excellent architect, it is not sufficient to have interests solely.（我感觉语法有问题呢，一句话里又两个动词了）Related knowledge, abundant experiences, and so on, which （这个which在这里有必要么？）are very important and necessary .If they cannot enter college, the necessary knowledge they will not obtain.In such condition, not entering college will have negative  rather than positive influences for them. I concede that working at an early time can give people more experiences, which graduates from college will also obtain after they have worked. However, to the knowledge,what graduates learned from college, students out of high school will not obtain forever.
这段论述的有一些乱，没上面那么有条理了
你是要证明学徒工程没有被支持。但后面由说了什么他们不参加大学，就不能得到必要的知识。我觉得还是以抨击学徒工程不一定能带给学生更多的能力，或者说那些学校真的有能力去开学徒学校么，这方面似乎更符合你的意思。当然你这么写其实也可以，就是给人的感觉有一点乱。In sum, I cannot accept the idea of this manager because of such flaws as mentioned above. The manager should give more information and do more detailed survey before he carry out this programme.