求 改作文

番茄蛋汤UID: 2334335

不用改的太细，就说下存在的问题和能的好多分就行了。谢谢
C5p52
Well organized in the bars, the statistics illustrate some significant information about the major factors for study among students of varieties age group and the amount of support they gain from bosses.

To begin with the situation of the first picture, a typical example for trend mentioned above. Almost 80% students under 26 study for career ,however, only one of ten persons choose interest for the cause of study .When people become elder , most of them prefer to gain for favourite. From 40 to 49 years old ,40% cizens learn for  interest and career.A fluctuation take place in the last period.A  number people who choose favourite peaked 70%.The counterpart is round18%.

Now,the attention move to the second chart. The information about manufacturner support during a certain a age. 60% employers under 26 get help easier. It declines steadily to 32% in the third decade.
After Then, a rise of support happen to people who are over 49 years old.

wengzhangzzUID: 2326392

一上来我看到的就是动词单复数乱用。。。。别的没什么了

forbeckUID: 2297645

题目有没时效阿？时态呢？

benbenfireUID: 2310123

感觉用了许多不错的句型，但是基本的信息描述得不清楚
of various age group

for favorite? 没印象这种用法

A flunctuation 这个波动用得不恰当，指代也不明显

the third decade? 十年不能这么用吧 age-group就可以了

建议第二段可以分开写for career and for interest 讲明趋势

第三段稍显单薄，还可以说点信息Now, move to 太口语化了

第一次给人改作文，说得不好，不要见怪啊

H-KevinUID: 2182070

作文互改活动:--TEAM WORK ,团队精神
希望作文修改的板油，最好不要等待别人主动给你修改，
建议你先修改论坛上别人的作文，然后把自己的作文链接留下给对方互改
如果你不愿意修改别人的作文，别人可能也有同样的想法
一份耕耘一份收获，强调互改，互相学习
寸有所长，尺有所短。不要顾忌自己水平低