"为我所用"小组第二次作业argument147

rienziUID: 2402391

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

WORDS: 379          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-4-4 17:46:31



    The arguer predicts that the video games which is from Whirlwind will be sold much better in his passage, though the selling condition of that game did not satisfy him in the past two years. He presents a result from a survey and a reason to support his prophecy. But through careful scrutiny, some fatal fallacies can be picked up from the arguer's discussion.
    First of all, the arguer failed to mention and to think about the specific details of the survey. How many game players responded the survey and how many of them gave the answer that they like games with lifelike graphics? As we all do not know the answer of the two questions above, we can not prove that most of those game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. To imagine extremely, if only a few people, who did not take a big part of all the game players, have responded the survey and gave the surveyor his answer as has been presented by the arguer, the result of the survey will be nill. As the arguer did not mention or even concern about the details of the survey, the result certainly failed to support his conclusion.
    Second, the arguer's reason that Whirlwind company has introduced a few games which provide lifelike graphics can not automatically lead to his conclusion. Besides lifelike graphics, there are many other factors that can influence the sales of video games. For example, the thesis, the feeling of controlling, the characters in the game and so on. Without thinking about all these factors, the arguer can not make his final conclusion that those games which are with only those lifelike graphics but other advantages can be sold well in the near future. Obviously, the arguer's reason is too assertive to support his prophecy.
    Third, the arguer's reason that the advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old will prompt the sales of those introduced games also can not stand on its ground to support his conclusion. Advertisement, certainly, does not mean everything in an commercial competition. If other game companies can provide better advertisement, who can prove that Whirlwind will definitely win? The advertising is not an decisive reason.
    Given the discussion above, the arguer's conclusion is ineffective.

icedmathUID: 2343618

The arguer predicts that the video games which is (are) from Whirlwind will be sold much better in his passage, though the selling condition of that game (those games) did not satisfy him in the past two years. He presents a result from a survey and a reason to support his prophecy. But through careful scrutiny, some fatal fallacies can be picked up from the arguer's discussion.
    First of all, the arguer failed to mention and to think about the specific details of the survey. How many game players responded the survey and how many of them gave the answer that they like(d) games with lifelike graphics? As we all do not know (no one knows；你使用的是部分否定，意为不是所有人都知道) the answer of the two questions above, we can not prove that most of those game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics（此处用分词短语可能比从句更简练）. To imagine extremely, if only a few people, who did not take a big part of all the game players, have responded the survey and gave the surveyor his answer as has been presented by the arguer, the result of the survey will be nill （nill?何意？ill-supported）. As the arguer did not mention or even concern about the details of the survey, the result certainly failed to support his conclusion.（如果加上一句总结归为statistical问题可能会比这样具体地列举调查的问题更直接更有说服力）
    Second, the arguer's reason that Whirlwind company has introduced a few games which provide lifelike graphics can not automatically（necessarily/definitely） lead to his conclusion. Besides lifelike graphics, there are many other factors that can influence the sales of video games. For example, the thesis（？theme?）, the feeling of controlling, the characters in the game and so on. Without thinking about all these factors （taking all these possible factors into account）, the arguer can not make his final conclusion that those games which are with only those lifelike graphics but other advantages can be sold well in the near future. Obviously, the arguer's reason is too assertive to support his prophecy（prediction）.
    Third, the arguer's reason that the advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old will prompt the sales of those introduced games also can not stand on its ground to support his conclusion. Advertisement, certainly, does not mean everything in an （a）commercial competition. If other game companies can provide better advertisement, who can prove that Whirlwind will definitely win? The advertising is not an（a） decisive reason.这样的论证貌似有些牵强，感觉有些仓促。因为作者本身也没有说仅仅广告就会导致sales上升，广告只是一种手段罢了，你说呢？
Given the discussion above, the arguer's conclusion is ineffective.
为了美观与易读，最好在段落之间空行；段首一般需要重述题目，类似于数学建模中的问题重述以使未读题的读者也能快速明白接下来的文章是阐述什么问题；文中时态有些无序，全文皆用一般现在时或者一般过去时都是可以接受的，但是必须是一致的；second/third这是更偏英式的用法（我也不是太确定，有模糊印象），secondly/thirdly是更偏美式的用法；虽然文章看来结构很清晰，但是内在的逻辑连接性不是很强，段与段之间的相扣不是很紧—如果在下一项论述的时候涉及上面的论述内容加以综合考虑，可能会更加缜密。
一些愚见，欢迎斧正。祝顺！

rienziUID: 2402391

非常感激楼上的批改和建议,
我一定再好好思考并认真改正,
您的建议是我今后复习方向的重要参考