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发表于 2009-2-15 10:27:05
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自己都不爱自己,别人更没有办法爱自己。也许很多的关心是来自对我的同情和可怜,以前我会计较,我觉得我不需要人来同情,而现在,我觉得同情也是一种感情,况且它很真实,为什么要把真实的感情拒之门外?
以前我也一直觉得是自己不爱自己,觉得在为别人活,觉得我的身边只有冷漠。这种思想一旦存在了脑海里,哪怕别人向你伸出手来你也无法感受到那种温暖。人,的确是需要有一些事情来触动自己的,一成不变的生活过久了自己也就麻木了,生存和不生存就无所谓了。但是在这之后如果你再经历一些什么,神经再次被触动,也许一切就此改变了。
幸福是自己创造的,自己爱自己,就是一个幸福。不要说理由,不知道为什么要爱自己。自己的存在,自己的生存就是一个理由。为了让自己幸福,也要爱自己。没有经历我的生活,你无法体会生存的困难,但是换个角度想一下,没有我这种生活的人,就应该是过得更开心的。
我的生活也枯萎过,我的大脑也空白过。当初走之前在北京看病,看完出来走在路上就是这样的,瞬间就不知道路在哪里,未来在哪里。后来一次次变得越来越差,直到最近发现右边已经没有办法再吃东西了,我突然意识到,说不定哪天我连小米粥都不能喝了,说不定哪天我连话都说不出来了,说不定哪天我想挤出一个微笑都成为了不可能,所以现在我要使劲地喝小米粥,使劲地说话,使劲地笑,我不要等到无可挽回的时候再来怀念现在这么自由自在的生活。
hug可以毫无吝啬的给你。但是更希望你能觉得说,即使这个世界上不再有人在意你,关心你,爱护你,你依然要学会让自己过得开心和幸福,自己爱自己。
Tyliayss 发表于 2009-2-11 23:42 
you know, when your family sacrifices so much, investing so much on your education, it's very hard to ignore your parents wishes. it's especially a hard decision to make, for a child who has so little life experience hence can not figure out what's best for her, and for a obedient girl who never considered what is good for herself hence has to try the hardest on-toward the direction her parents had pointed out for her. and on the way, somehow you are overwhelmed with your own unwillingness, feel that your parents had been forcing you all these years, that you are not allowed to have your own choice. this is a common psychological problem. people forget the big picture as they are so committed and occupied with their chaotic current life. and I was struggling from it.
as a matter of fact, I do love myself. that's why I was so fervently trying to gain the quality of self-respect, and requiring respect from other people. only when it comes to communication with my family, dealing with the issue of my future plan, -- there was a profound conflicting understanding of art and culture between me and my family, and I saw an enormous potential of disappointing them if I insist on my own opinion. feeling and knowing how much they love me, as desperately as me wanting to please them, and with the state of mind that obedience is the only way to accomplish that will, I feel never been more trapped than now. I just couldn't see how can I act on truly being myself without breaking their heart.
but all these trouble has passed. I finally made my decision, and I told them. they said if I had considered it with all the pros and cons, and still were certain about it, then by all means, live with the consequence. they trust me to be a responsible adult, and they want only my happiness.
from now on, I can love my parents from an adult's standpoint, not an obedient little girl any more. and I will know that whatever I do, however my life turns out to be, I'll have my parents' blessing all the time.
that, is enough for me to get through, anything. |
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