argument239【challenge yourself小组】第三次作业 by 小火龙33

小火龙33UID: 2448175

The arguer in the local newspaper of Dalton recommends that in order to reduce the rising crime rate, the town of Dalton should adopt the curfew that keeps persons under the age of 18 at home after 10 p.m.. The arguer also concludes that the curfew will not only control juvenile but also protect minors from becoming victims of crime. To support the conclusion, the arguer cites the facts that the neighboring town of Williamswille adopted the curfew four months ago and since then the youth crime greatly dropped during the curfew hours, and not a single crime has reported in the Williamsville’s town square with high crime rate once. Close crutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the conclusion.
     To begin with, the fact that the establishment of the curfew coincides with the drop of the  youth crime rate does not necessarily prove that it is the curfew that attribute to the drop. It is entirely possible that some other measures are taken at the same time to improve the circumstance. For example, Williamsville may strengthen its police force and intensify the attack on crimes. Or perhaps the schools in Williamsville might pay more attention to the students’ moral and make strengthen the punishment. Even if it is the curfew that causes the youth crime drop, the arguer fails to evident that it dropped during all the day as well as the curfew hours, since the crime rate perhaps rose during the day time. Even if the drop is not only during the curfew time, the arguer fails to convince me that the overall crime rate dropped, since the adult crime rate might rose. In short, without accounting for these possibilities, I remain unconvinced of the conclusion.
Secondly, the example of the town square does not necessarily reflect the attribution the curfew made to the decline of crime rate. The evidence that not a single crime has been reported does not equate to the fact that not a single crime has taken place. The crimes are probably not reported because of ignorance or intentionally concealed. Besides, even if it is actually that there is not a single crime at the town square, it can not represent the general situation of the whole town, and it is entirely possible that more crimes happened in other places of the town. Without ruling out these possibilities, the arguer fails to convince me that the crime rate in Williamsville dropped, not to mention whether the decline is due to the curfew.
Finally, even if the curfew is effective to the drop of the crime rate in Williamville, no evidence is provided to justify that this approach also applies to the town of Dalton. There might be some differences between Williamville and Dalton that undermine the approach. Perhaps the percentage of crimes committed by adults is much larger than those committed by youth in Dalton. Or perhaps the crimes occurred in the daytime mostly in which situation the curfew can help nothing. Failing to account for these facts, the arguer cannot claims that the curfew is adapt to the town of Dalton as well.
In sum, the arguer’s conclusion is unconvicing as it stands, since the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to it. To bolster the conclusion, the arguer should give the evidence that it is the curfew that attributes to the drop of youth crime rate in Williamville and it is effective not only to the youth crime rate but also the overall crime rate in the whole day. To better assess the conclusion, I would need to specific situation of Dalton’s public security and some characteristics of its crimes.

springelfUID: 2458536

argument239【challenge yourself小组】第三次作业 by 小火龙33

WORD：621

The arguer in the local newspaper of Dalton recommends that in order to reduce the rising crime rate, the town of Dalton should adopt the curfew that keeps persons under the age of 18 at home after 10 p.m.. The arguer also concludes that the curfew will not only control juvenile but also protect minors from becoming victims of crime. To support the conclusion, the arguer cites the facts that the neighboring town of Williamswille adopted the curfew four months ago and since then the youth crime greatly dropped during the curfew hours, and not a single crime has reported in the Williamsville’s town square with high crime rate once. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the conclusion.
[开头段很好，能不能再简练点？]

To begin with, the fact that the establishment of the curfew coincides with the drop of the youth crime rate does not necessarily prove that it is the curfew that attribute to the drop. It is entirely possible that some other measures are taken at the same time to improve the circumstance. For example, Williamsville may strengthen its police force and intensify the attack on crimes. Or perhaps the schools in Williamsville might pay more attention to the students’ moral and make strengthen the punishment. Even if it is the curfew that causes the youth crime drop, the arguer fails to evident [这个词不是证明的意思，用prove或者demonstrate] that it dropped during all the day as well as the curfew hours, since the crime rate perhaps rose during the day time. Even if the drop is not only during the curfew time, the arguer fails to convince me that the overall crime rate dropped, since the adult crime rate might rise. In short, without accounting for these possibilities, I remain unconvinced of the conclusion.

Secondly, the example of the town square does not necessarily reflect the attribution the curfew made to the decline of crime rate. The evidence that not a single crime has been reported does not equate to the fact that not a single crime has taken place. The crimes are probably not reported because of ignorance or intentionally concealed. Besides, even if it is actually that there is not a single crime at the town square, it can not represent the general situation of the whole town, and it is entirely possible that more crimes happened in other places of the town. Without ruling out these possibilities, the arguer fails to convince me that the crime rate in Williamsville dropped, not to mention whether the decline is due to the curfew.

Finally, even if the curfew is effective to the drop of the crime rate in Williamville, no evidence is provided to justify that this approach also applies to the town of Dalton. There might be some differences between Williamville and Dalton that undermine the approach. Perhaps the percentage of crimes committed by adults is much larger than those committed by youth in Dalton. Or perhaps the crimes occurred in the daytime mostly in which situation the curfew can help nothing. Failing to account for these facts, the arguer cannot claims that the curfew is adapt to the town of Dalton as well.

In sum, the arguer’s conclusion is unconvincing as it stands, since the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to it. To bolster the conclusion, the arguer should give the evidence that it is the curfew that attributes to the drop of youth crime rate in Williamville and it is effective not only to the youth crime rate but also the overall crime rate in the whole day. To better assess the conclusion, I would need to specific situation of Dalton’s public security and some characteristics of its crimes.

[这篇文章写的非常好，如果考场上能写出这样的文章，我想会得到5分了。唯一的建议，字数太多了，我在想你在30分钟内可能很难写出那么多字来。也许你要斟酌一下。]

小火龙33UID: 2448175

谢谢组长的认真批改哈！:)
组长提的建议很对哇~要限时要限时……回音:handshake