issue7(超越自我小组)第三次作业

zugurrrUID: 2482827

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

The invention of the camera has brought the significant change in the recording of documentation, which was dominantly by the written form before. But the camera superiority in term of accuracy and convince is inadequate to replace the written form to become the more important form.

As the primary purpose of recording the history, the requirement for the entire of the information calls for the written records as a main form rather than camera. Each small piece of information recorded by camera is base on one important presumption, that there should be someone recording the event with camera. Towards the expected important historical events, people can use camera to remember them as well as related details, even with various angles of the sights. However, Many unexpected historical affairs, whose recording tasks usually extend beyond the cameras potential. As long as the recorder miss them at the certain happening time, there is no way to compensate it from the words of the reviews to consist the real pictures. And as an important and large part of documentation, the memo or the statements of special historical people could be take onto the pictures in on way. Even though, many experts broadcast the correlated or similar videos during the interview, just as many television entertainment programs do. The documentation needs the reality rather than the creativity from people' imagination. Therefore, for the necessary whole information data the written form proves to be the more important than the camera video.

The logicality and systematism of the documentation determine the written form needs to be the main recording form but the camera. When people refer to documentation, they not only need to acquire the excise and entire information related one historical topic, but also the necessary summaries and the organization about the mass of detailed information. For example, the bid of the 2008 Olympic Game, as documentation, it is far beyond enough to only take the process of the convent and the typical responds from Chinese people. Why China could defend other applicants to win the bid. How these advantages systematically prove the superiority of Beijing. Moreover, many profound significance and the possible reason should be difficulty to reveal by the camera. And the too much accuracy and details could not replace the logicality which always works as a thread in the writing documentation to connect the whole useful historical information, in which people could get some constructive results and conclusion.

Admittedly, on the aspect of accurate and convincing record the camera is unparalleled. It unfolds the more detailed and genuine history for the documentation. And that is why this form is very popular in the field of document recording. while on the other aspects the writing record style can work better. Because of the inherent faults of the camera in the organization of the documentation and the limitation for recording history, it cannot replace the writing form as more miportant form in documentation.

[ 本帖最后由 zugurrr 于 2008-8-8 09:56 编辑 ]

hermituforestUID: 2354296

对不起~~由于看奥运发迟了


The invention of the camera has brought the significant change in the recording of documentation, which was dominantly by the written form before. But the camera superiority in term of accuracy and convince is inadequate to replace the written form to become the more important form.（这句话是病句，再斟酌下~~）

GRE作文第一段有三点要求

1、要有明确的立场
2、要表现出作者对于题目复杂性或隐含意义有所理解
3、要让读者了解上下文主要的观点

而且我认为能否把开头写好将决定整篇文章的结构以及对判卷人眼球的吸引，最好不要只是写“有些人认为。。。但是我认为不是这样”就结束了


As the primary purpose of recording the history, the requirement for the entire of the information calls for the written records as a main form rather than camera.（chinglish句，仔细分析下句子结构会发现错了） Each small piece of information recorded by camera is base（bases） on one important presumption（用词不准确，改premise）, that there（which） should be someone recording the event with camera. Towards， the expected important historical events, people can use camera to remember them as well as related details, even with various angles of the sights. However, Many unexpected historical affairs, whose （which）recording tasks usually extend beyond the cameras potential. As long as the recorder miss them at the certain happening time, there is no way to compensate it from the words of the reviews to consist the real pictures. （这一点很好~~学习了）And as an important and large part of documentation, the memo or the statements of special historical people could be take onto the pictures in on（one） way. Even though, many experts broadcast the correlated or similar videos during the interview, just as many television entertainment programs do.（这句话好像有点跑题） The documentation needs the reality rather than the creativity from people' imagination. Therefore, for the necessary whole information data the written form proves to be the more important than the camera video.

The logicality and systematism of the documentation determine the written form（改成被动句好一点） needs to be the main recording form but the camera. When people refer to documentation, they not only need to acquire the excise and entire information related one historical topic, but also the necessary summaries and the organization about the mass of detailed information. For example, the bid of the 2008 Olympic Game, as documentation, it is far beyond enough to only take the process of the convent and the typical responds from Chinese people. Why China could defend other applicants to win the bid. How these advantages systematically prove the superiority of Beijing. Moreover, many（much） profound significance and the possible reason should be difficulty to reveal by the camera. And the too much accuracy and details could not replace the logicality which always works as a thread in the writing documentation to connect the whole useful historical information, in which people could get some constructive results and conclusion.

Admittedly, on the aspect of accurate and convincing record the camera is unparalleled. It unfolds the more detailed and genuine history for the documentation. And that is why this form is very popular in the field of document recording. while on the other aspects the writing record style can work better. Because of the inherent faults of the camera in the organization of the documentation and the limitation for recording history, it cannot replace the writing form as more miportant（笔误） form in documentation.


一点意见：
1、文章完全持反面观点就有一点没有对题目的复杂性做充分的估计；以后写文章至少要给另一面的观点适当的肯定，但不是你结尾哪种方式来Admittedly，你的结尾好像和整篇文章没有融合在一起，像是鸡肋，而且没有做到总结或者升华文章的功效，给人一种没写完的感觉。
2、issue不是argument，不要拿写argument的方式写
3、模板的痕迹很严重，就导致了结构生硬，逻辑不清晰，建议以后摒弃模板，写每篇作文之前先好好思考一下题目的复杂性，以自己的理解写文章，不要刻意的“开头、+、+、-、结尾”这种。
4、建议在加强一下语言训练~~