大家给我改了的作文，我再改了一遍，看看现在怎样。

lihaocookieUID: 2446671

自己的32. Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.  

Have you ever experienced the embarrassment that you meet a very good book but have no money paid for it? Have you ever been refused when borrowing money from your classmate because of your always tight budget? If you have conditions (situations) above, maybe you should consider starting to cultivate habits of saving money. As far as I can see, people really could benefit from keeping this accustoms.   

Keeping the habit that（of） saving the （去掉the）money that don not need currently can help people in case of sudden-emerged accident. It is really hard to forecast what would happen tomorrow, illness, car accident; who knows? There is no denying that none want these tragedy happen, however, being well prepared may help you out of trouble as soon as possible.  

Moreover, with the habit of saving money people actually a good chance to cultivate financial intelligence, which is considered the most important quality as a business man(considered as the   for   businessman), during the process of saving money. (句子有逻辑错误，)For businessmen, they have to plan wonderfully with the large amount of money, that is to say, to use the money on the most important aspect. What is more, it also does good for normal people who finally have to learn how to manage the money for the family. Once people save some money, the matter would come to their mind that how they would use the money----to consume, to invest or to send it to Hope Project for poor children? From time to time（gradually）, people will learn how to take good advantages of their possession.  

Admittedly, there are other views about this. Some may believe that the purpose to work is to consume with the money enjoying the life. They may regard those who saving the money the slave of money or work. However, as a person who wants to be an excellent manager of my life as well as my family, I think saving money does good to people because I believe that having a well-planed life is also very enjoyable compared with life with lots of adventures and excitement.

Word Count: 335

c B&O意见

意见

看完文章后觉得思路不错，但是整体感觉是文章有点乱。N2N.QQ#ky,F
1，句子过于口语话，句子表达的比较复杂，虚词比较多|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE+{‑]­I+YK6Q!zQ
2。文章的结构组织不好开头很好，表达了自己的观点。

。中间两端论证是大问题。第一，每段没有主题句。第二，例子很不象例子，最好能把例子单一，细化，有针对性。第三，每段没有结尾句。1_E"E/ib8Z
5。最后一段的结尾表明了自己的观点，但是前部分的让步有点多余，让人容易误会。[1]Qh"g!lH

楼主是上过李鼎的辅导班么？这种have you ever的开头听他上课说过，但是好像最好能写3个。而且后来在不知道什么书上看的了，这样的提问似乎不是很正式还是什么的，不大好。我自己觉得想这样的开头比较浪费时间，而且基本上想不出什么特别贴切的问句出来，所以还是把时间节约下来写正文段比较好 |留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE+l0rBo \[1]?|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE0[ p1PZO正文第一段观点很好，但阐述的不是很清楚，最好写的丰富一些'v_i&Em}x#yl你的第二个论点我觉得写的有点散，而且对题目的支持似乎不是很贴合C9]K,q
l结尾段应该明确表明自己的态度，那个“is also very enjoyful" 用的不大好

我也是写作菜鸟，说的不对的请见谅哈

这是根据大侠们的意见修改的，大家拍一下。。。

32. Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.  

Have you ever experienced the embarrassment that you meet a very good book but have no money paid for it? Have you ever been refused when borrowing money from classmate because of your always tight budget? If you have situations above, maybe you should consider starting to cultivate habits of saving money. As far as I can see, people could benefit a lot from keeping this accustoms.

Keeping the habit of saving money, people will always hold some cash for emergency; by doing this, they can get out of trouble as soon as possible in case of sudden-emerged accident. It is really hard to forecast what would happen tomorrow, illness, car accident; who knows? There is no denying that none want these tragedy to happen, however, in case that these things really occur, money saved could at least give victims financial support. Thus, in this unpredictable world we live in, saving money is really necessary for everyone.

Moreover, with the habit of saving money, people could hold relatively large amount of money on their hand; moreover, problems raise with it that how to use this money. It is actually a good opportunity to cultivate financial intelligence, which is considered as the most important quality in modern society. (businessman 的例子感觉和文章联系不紧，去掉了)  With the money in their hand, people have to decide what to do with it----to consume, to invest, or send it to Hope Project for poor children? Gradually, people may learn how to take good advantages of their possession.

Admittedly, there are unavoidable other views on this issue. Some may believe that the purpose to work is to enjoy life with the money. They may regard those who save money as the slaves of money. However, as a person who wants to be a wise manager of my life as well as my family, I would like to reinforce my propensity that it is better to save money for the time in the future.

疑问   1  这是大家给我改了之后我自己根据提的问题改得，不知道提出的问题都有没有有效改正，就贴出来了。  

2    第三段感觉主题句不是很明显。  应该怎么弄一下就好了。。

duanfaguwei612UID: 2214861

Moreover, with the habit of saving money, people could hold relatively large amount of money on their hand; moreover, problems raise with it that how to use this money.
两个moreover。。。。
第一段和第二段意思很雷同啊