COMEON作文小组——greenpalm2008 10月15日作业

greenpalmUID: 2391324

32)A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  It's a dilemma choice for any of the company on the funding of either arts or environment, for there' re advantage in both of the projects. While in personal opinion, I incline to the plan of building an art museum for the following reasons:
    First, We would not deny the importance of environment protection but it's a work of long run which every single of us should pay attention to. While many of the citizen may not recognize it unless we let them know. So by building a department of art museum, We could construct sorts of photos and pictures about the environment as well as other knowledge that could woke more and more people in the action of protecting our surrounding.
     Second, By founding the art museum could attract other companies and other entrepreneurs to advertise their products in an art way , which the money we get from those exhibitions could be used in the protection of environment, which may far more meaningful than only transfer the fund by the way of cash or account into the environment protection agency.
     Last but not the least, Building the art museum by its own is another way of environmental action. A more realistic action than devoting to a plan which asking special attention for a long period of time, which would benefit not only the impression of the company but also the people who live in this city, and what’s more, by no difficult be supported by government and most people of the city.
   请指正～Thanks A Lot!战友辛苦了:)

hans0612UID: 2462190

It's a dilemma choice for any of the company（any company） on the funding of either arts or environment, for there' re advantage in both of the projects(both projects). While in personal opinion(while似乎没有这么用的，删掉吧), I incline to the plan of building an art museum for the following reasons.

    First(Firstly), We would not deny the importance of environment protection but it's a work of long run(long-term run) which every single of us(each of us) should pay attention to. While many of the citizen(citizens) may not recognize it（it是啥？） unless we let them know. So（so和什么构成因果？） by building a department of art museum, We could construct sorts of photos and pictures （photo 和picture差不多吧）about the environment as well as other knowledge that could woke（wake） more and more people in the action of（in the action of 删掉） protecting our surrounding（看了好多遍大概看懂了，是不是说arts也可以保护environment，这个理由没说服力）.

     Second（secondly）, By founding（funding） the art museum （arts和museum不是一回事！）could attract other companies and other entrepreneurs（这两个又是一回事） to advertise their products in an art way , which the money we get from those exhibitions（exhibition和advertise不是一回事吧） could be used in the protection of environment（又来了，arts就arts，你归根结底还是在说environment重要，不是自相矛盾么）, which may far more meaningful than only transfer the fund by the way of cash or account into the environment protection agency.

     Last but not the least, Building the art museum by its own is another way of environmental action. A more realistic action than devoting to a plan which asking special attention for a long period of time, which would benefit not only the impression of the company but also the people who live in this city, and what’s more, by no difficult be supported by government and most people of the city.

结尾呢？

恕我直言，这篇文章实在不怎么行，看到后面语法上的错误都不用看了，立意非常牵强，字也不够，建议全部重写，先写个中文草稿吧
arts比较难写，不知道LZ为什么选这个方向
从用词来看感觉水平还可以，是不是想别出心裁？

greenpalmUID: 2391324

谢谢指导～我想是第二段的逻辑差错太明显，有点词不达意：现改如下：
      Firstly，We would not deny the importance of environment protection but it's a work of long-term run which each of us should pay attention to. While building a department of art museum will be shorter and easier way and at the same time, does not contradict to the enviroment protection,for We could construct sorts of photos about the environment as well as other related knowledge which could wake more and more people in protecting our surrounding.

最后一段补上：
   To conclude,Building an art museum(美术馆) is another way of protect environment but a more realistic and more meaningful action for both the conpany and people of the city.