[活动] 修改楼上作文１０．２０ [复制链接]

goafterdream
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发表于 2008-10-21 03:56:31 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Nowadays, with the ever-increasing development in scientific and technological world（这个句子有点混乱，要么是with the development…要么是in the ever-increasing…） more and more resources of news and information flow(不确定这个词用得是否准确) into our daily lives, such asinternet, mass media, television（网络和电视都属于大众媒体，大概念小概念不能并列） and so on , all of which bring considerable convenience and useful knowledge to our lives. As far as I am concerned, these resources of information and news are generally trustful and dependable rather than.bbs.gte lie-telling（不确定有这个词）

OFirst and foremost, due to advance of science and technology, the resources of news and informantoin（可以查一下什么样的词可以做后置定语）available to us are now not only believable but also pragmatical. For example, after television spred into every household, each individual could have access to the process of their governments, they finally realized（或许用know更好些） how the governments operated and what it was going to do next（这些可以用一般现在时）, they also knew the policies of the government, which were related to their own lives to a large extent. Obviously, the television station would not be reluctant to report false events（events没有正确错误之分） or fake news about their government, which was unreasonable and in turn would be blamed by the whole social members. Thus, I strongly aver（用词不准确） that the resources of news and information are reliable and useful in that the mass public can play the role of monitors over fake news and information.（Additionally, the abundant resources of information in modern world also make convenient our lives. With the computer and internet being brought into being, we are available to numerous information and news and even go on our education on the internet. For instance, a college student can only check the school website to know what the courses will be in the coming session and what kind of activitise and lectures will be carried on. Plus, the remote education based on the internet is not a seldom course in current campus, which are far more convenient for those students who are too busy to attend their classes. Thus, if the internet are unreliable, how can our lives become such convenient? bbs.g）(跑题啦)Admittedly, the news and infromantion are sort of overloaded in our lives, which makes some people confused that the informantion and news are too plentiful to trustable. This point of view is unreasonable（与本段开头副词矛盾） for the reason that we can not demand internet or televsion to make absolutely no mistake.Although sometimes these media make tiny faults, they can never be considered as news-liar as long as we think about the numerous useful information and news they have brought to us.
In a word, I firmly stand by the supporting side that we should appreciate the considerable information and news available today rather than complaining that we have no one to trust.

你是背了很多句套子，但是有些时候用得不准确，拼写的错误有很多，另外不是看起来越高深的词越好，词语要用得恰当才是最好的。这是一个论说式的题目，你在下笔之前没有很好的理解题目和构思，所以文章显得混乱。看来你要再多下些功夫才行了。

呵呵，我也是托福的菜鸟，个人意见仅供参考，可能有很多说的不对的地方，请见谅！
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[ 本帖最后由 goafterdream 于 2008-10-21 04:00 编辑 ]