帮大家改ARGU吧

yangce0105UID: 2261029

有人说了：argu有什么好改的？那么简单的一个作文。我认为不然。

去年我考GRE的时候，把issue归纳、分析、分类，自己也好好分析并写作了20+篇，但很难有很大的提高。只能说是熟悉了题型，而运用论证、事例的功夫始终没有很多放光彩的地方。至于模板，个人认为现今太多人在用模板，导致文章的调调重复很严重。建议痕迹越小越好。

该说ARGU了，虽然题目容易从表面及深一层分析出来，写作模式也是比较固定的，因为太多的人认为有那么多好的模板(尤其是字数多撑场面)，大家也都在用，自己不选一个貌似吃亏了，或者说就没有随大流。随大流当然得不到高分了！

说了这些，我得说一下自己的分数了，4.5，比当时周围很多一同准备的人都考得高了一些，虽然rank只有54%。我觉得原因就在于我真正在ARGU上下了功夫。ISSUE老实说，我都不确定自己有没有拿到3分。但argu我敢肯定已经有5或者5.5了

如果有需要我改AGRU的，就直接回复好了，我会尽力改好，或者应该说是帮你再分析的更好一些的

九月晨曦UID: 2382327

Lz帮忙看看吧~~第一次拿出来给别人拍,虚心接受LZ 的任何意见和建议
TOPIC: ARGUMENT235 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the general manager of KNOW radio station.

"Several factors indicate that radio station KNOW should shift its programming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format. Consider, for example, the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically, while the total number of our listeners has recently declined. Also, music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music. Finally, continuous news stations in neighboring cities have been very successful, and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citizens are interested in becoming better informed about politics."
WORDS: 522              DATE: 2008-11-3 11:40:43

In this argument, the manager advocates that in order to increase the number of its listeners, KNOW should shift programming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format. Based on the fact that the increased population of older people in KNOW's listening area, the decreased sales of recorded music, the success of neighboring cities' continuous news station, and a recent survey, the argument seems to be plausible, however, it still suffers from several severely logic flaws, after close inspection.

First, the threshold problem involves this argument is that the manager establishes an unfair causation between the increased older people and the declined listeners of their listening area. However, the increased number of senior citizens does not necessarily indicate that the declined of other aged level listeners. Maybe because of the development of the area, the total population is considerably increased. If this scenario is ture, the declined rate of audience may caused by other factors. Perhaps, the inferior quality of KNOW's music programs, the increased radio channels in the local area, or other alternative reasons. Since the manager provides no cogent information to testify the declined number of listeners is due to the increased senior citizens, the manager cannot convince me to agree on his suggestion.

In addition, the decreased sales of recorded music in the area might also be attributable to other alternatives. Such as the increased price of the recorded music, the music store market saturation, or other possible reasons might also lead to the decrease of KNOW's listeners. Thus, before considering and ruling out these factors, the argument is still dubious.

Moreover, by assuming that both the decline of KNOW's listeners and the sales of local music stores is due to the increased older population, the manager still unfairly makes a false analogy between the neighboring cities and the local one. The argument mentions that continuous news stations is very successful in nearby cities, however, such a method might not also be effective in the local city. Since the manager does not show sufficient information to justify the local city is quite similar to its neighboring cities, it is entirely possible that the different preferences and customs of the different cities’ residents might cause the proposed action not be successful in the area where KNOW radio station broadcasts. Therefore, the manager cannot claim that shifting rock music to news is an efficient method before considering these factors which might also influence the feasibility of the suggestion.

Finally, the manager provides no assurance to substantiate the result of the recent study can be representative the local residents' true interests. The more concerns of political news may be due to the recent election, it is possible that after election, people’s preference of political news will decline. As the manager does not patch these logical flaws, I would hard press to agree on the conclusion that KNOW should shift its program to news forms.

In sum, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. In order to bolster it, the reason of declined rate of audience and the representative of the recent survey should be testify more justifiably and other possible alternatives must also be rule out.

[ 本帖最后由 九月晨曦 于 2008-11-4 11:42 编辑 ]

yangce0105UID: 2261029

首先问一句：这个题目是你半小时之内写出来的？522字够长的
我认为你已经抓住ARGU的本质意义，对短文中多个漏洞进行了驳斥，并且提出多种alternatives，这很好
说一些有用的吧：
1.很多句子用的很华丽，篇幅也占了不少。但是希望能够稍微简化那些没用的句子，篇副在你这个基础上短一些没关系，反倒会更加突出你论证的能力。你觉得呢？GRE作文虽然也考察遣词造句，但更加关注学生的逻辑分析能力
2.关于decreased sales of recorded music，虽然写了other possibility，但还应该突出一些music store market和radio station的关系。事实上，我认为它们之间很难扯上关系。说不定卖的少是因为很多人为节省开支转去听radio音乐
3. Moreover段是在挑一个重要错误，但是第一句就略显累赘，相信看你作文的人更希望你能快速、犀利地指出错误。

九月晨曦UID: 2382327

对不起lz
现在才看到你的回复~~非常感谢
把我的烂文拿回去好好改改~~

可以看下你的ARGU吗

应该很强悍吧,好文共赏啊

xiny85UID: 2345869

LZ 帮忙拍拍啊 谢谢
97 （传媒/决策/并列+类比）
The following appeared in a memo from the manager of television station KICK.
"A nationwide survey reveals that a sizeable majority of men would like to see additional sports programs on television. After television station WACK increased its sports broadcasts, its share of the television audience in its viewing area almost doubled. To gain a larger audience share in our area, and thus increase company profits, KICK should also revise its broadcast schedule to include more sports coverage."
1）没有表明这个地区的男听众占的比例有多大，如果只占一小部分的话，即使增加体育节目，也不可能大幅度的提高收听率。
2）没有说明wack的收听率增加的原因是应为增开了体育频道，或许是由于其他的频道改版而吸引了更多的听众，又可能是他们增开了一个新的模块，比如在总统大选时期的总统大选的专门频道，这使得在一定时期内听众会大增，但是过了这个时期，就说不定了。
3）即使是因为运动频道的男观众增多而使wack获利，但是也不能保证kick增加运动频道也能提高收视率，可能kick新推出的体育频道并没有多大吸引力。 如果听众已经习惯了听wack的体育频道，可能就不会再去关注kick的体育频道。

The argument presents some evidences, which seems reasonable, for arguing that if the TV KICK wants to increase its interests, it should add some other sports programmers to attract more audiences. However, as far as I am concerned, the manager could not offer thoroughly well-reasoned proofs which have direct or inevitable connection with the conclusion about the profit of the company KICK, even some of the assertions are unsubstantiated.

First of all, the arguer points out that a national survey shows extra sports TV programmer affect a large number of men，but not providing any cue about the local human. As we all know, the data drawn and used to make a generalization is drawn from the whole that does not represent a special group. It is absolutely possible that the local men have less interest in the sports game than the average, or most of them fond to surf online rather than watch TV. In addition, if it is true as the arguer claims that most of the local men affect the sports TV shows. He also cannot convince us for ignoring the rate of the men occupied in this place. Maybe the most population of this area is composed by children and women. Due to these possibilities, additional sports TV shows may not bring extra profits for KICK.

Secondly, the profit case of WACK is referred by the manager to improve his idea. What’s more, he deliberately asserts to conclude that it is the new sports programmers that make WACK profit without thorough analysis. The manager is failing to consider other possible alternatives to the increasing interests of WACK. Such change may include the fact that another fashion TV Show is pull out by WACK which attracts more lady audiences not men. More over, there is no data to prove that the increasing incline of WACK can be lasted long time. It is possible that people only presently pay attention on the new addition programmer and could not be sure to persist on it for a long time.  

Finally, the manager offers no information of the present KICK. If KICK recently has more enough sports programmers which almost include the majority population of local sports fan, there will be no significance to open an additional one. In addition, whether the present KICK finance situation could afford an extra sport programmer? Maybe could not. Because of falling to consider these situations, I can not trust on the argument of the manager.

To sum up, before any final decision are made about the additional sports TV Show. The manager should instigate the local real condition about the sports TV programmer, such as the numbers of local expected audiences who want to watch additional sports programmer, the present sports TV show of KICK. In addition, the manager should also analyze the truth which determinates the increasing interests of WACK.

zjueeerUID: 2412898

LZ拍我几下吧。。这是我的处女作。。
先谢谢啦


题目：ARGUMENT161 - In a study of reading habits of Leeville citizens conducted by the University of Leeville, most respondents said they preferred literary classics as reading material. However, a follow-up study conducted by the same researchers found that the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Leeville was the mystery novel. Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the first study had misrepresented their reading habits.
字数：409          用时：00:28:22          日期：2008-11-21 0:11:01

In this essay,the author advocates that the respondents in a study had misrepresented their reading habits.To justify the conclusion,the author cites a study of reading habits of Leeville(LV) citizens conducted by the University of LV showing that most respondents preferred literary classics as reading material.Moreover,to bolster the conclusion,the author cites another follow-up study indicating that the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in LV was the mystery novel.However,the essay suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unconvincing as it stands.
In the first place,the author unfairly assumes that the the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in LV is the the type of reading material that the LV citizens' preference over other kinds of books.It is entirely possible that public libraries only account for a small part of the libraries in LV.Perhaps private libraries have the largest amount of books and are the main book resource for LV citizens.Without the detailed information of the books checked out of private libraries,I cannot accept any conclusion that the author gives us.
In the second place,the author has not convinced me that the type of book most frequently checked out is the type that the LV citizens' favorite one.Since the essay provides no evidence to substantiate this assumption,it is equally possible that LV citizens' scarecely borrow books from libraries,instead,they buy their favorite books from bookstores.By doing so,they can be the owners of the books and do not have to return the books to libraries on time.Then,they can read their favorate books more freely at any time.Thus,without better evidence about this issue,the essay remains unconvincing.
Last but not least,even if the follow-up study shows the truth,it is unfair to conclude that the respondents in a study had misrepresented their reading habits.It is highly possible that the study method of second study is different from that of the first one,it is well known that the study method determines the outcome to some extent.What's more,maybe the reading habits of the LV citizens has changed from literary classics to the mystery novel.Since the essay fails to account for the possibilities,the author cannot make any sound conclusion.
In sum,the essay is weak on several grounds.To bolster the argument the author must find detail information about the books checked out from all the libraries in LV.Finally,to better evaluate the argument it would be useful to know the study methods of the both study.

yugongyishanUID: 2564241

大哥 处女作 28min就写完啦 厉害啊 一会儿我帮你看看啊 先把事忙完

zjueeerUID: 2412898

我还在等您呢。。。。

chevyyangUID: 2558210

寻求写A的方向， 因为现在对A一点概念也没有 （除了看了些常用的模板） 完全不知道A该如何复习 也不知道自己行文方式应该注意的问题  希望可以得到帮助 指点一下方向 我好自己在正确的路上琢磨 免得越走越远 我的AW 也就指望A拿分了 所以现在起拼命的学A 我1.21 的机考 希望还有希望啊~~~~~  LL 辛苦了  :handshake  （为了改起来略微的方便些 故意选了篇ls同学已经写过的一篇 呵呵 不过偶没有抄袭啊~~~ :o ）

"Several factors indicate that radio station KNOW should shift its programming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format. 1 Consider, for example, the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically, while the total number of our listeners has recently declined. 2  Also, music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music. 3  Finally, continuous news stations in neighboring cities have been very successful, 4 and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citizens are interested in becoming better informed about politics."
正文:

Only based on the analysis above, we could not conclude that the radio station KNOW should shift its programming from rock and rooll music to a continuous news format.

To the beginning, we have not sufficient evidence to judge if these older people who are new listener of KNOW incline to listen news rather than music. It is totally possible that these new older listener choose the KNOW just because they like the rock and roll music. (自我感觉牵强啊！！！) Even if they indeed just like to listen news, but that does not mean KNOW should provide a continuous news format. Because the time when the older listener usually is fixed, KNOW could choose the suitable timing for the news program.

Moreover, the aruger seem consider the reason for the decreased sales of recorded music as the decreasing interesting to music by the locals. In fact, there also existed other possible reasons for the result. For example, the economy crisis, and the lower salary of the locals make them have to abandon their favorite amusements, such as CD. if so, the music program would become the best choice for those music fans who could not afford the additonal consume for music CD.

In additon, the successful case in neighboring cities could not approve the continous news is also needed by the KNOW. Firstly, the reasons for success of neighbor impossibly just attribute to the continuous news. Secondly, we could not confirm the method they choose is suitble for the KNOW. After all, different district has different situation, such as different culture, popular progam, even some special urgence which maybe accordingly effect their nomal customs.

Furthermore, the recent survey neither prove the interests of the local are foucs on the policy nor conclude the continuous news is best choice for KNOW. At first, the survey is just perform befor the election. If the interest is just inspired by the election, how could the KNOW adjust its program after the election? And, we also could not convince the survey have the representative for the all loals before we get the details about the process about how the pool of sample was choosed? (好像完全牵强！！！！ )

In the final analysis, the decision about the choosing suitble program for KNOW need to survey the favors of the local and the time they used to listen. And the reason why they choose that program are also important. In sum, the KNOW should make a detailed propose base on their own situation rather than blindly simulate others.

aaronlin726UID: 2487965

1.21了，热锅上的蚂蚁了,第一次真正地下笔写，也是随机选的，估计写的不好，狠拍吧！谢谢了！


TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 332          TIME: 00:25:00          DATE: 30/11/2008 AM 11:12:38

   In the memo,the chariperson of the school board of Saluda recommends hiring Mr.charles to plan and director the general music education programs for the entire Salude school system.To support the recommendation,the chairperson points out that during the his five years at Steek City High,the school band has won three regional band competitions and the quality of the facility and instruments has improved markedly. I found the the reasoning unconvincing in several critical respects which render the recommedation fallicous.
    The first problem is with the school band's wining three regional band competitions.The author assumed that it was the Mr.Charles lead to the result,however, the author failed to rule out other possibility.For example, maybe it was most attrubited to the ex-director,or perhaps the students there were talent in music,withour ruling out these possiblity, the author's recommendation is unconvincing.
     Assume that it was most attributed to the leading ability of the Mr charles,however, the author consider the improving quality of the facilities and instrument are dued to Mr charles. But the author failed to rule out other possibilities that it might have nothing to do with him,such as the Steel City High have plan to decide to improve before Mr charles's reign,or the Steel City High receive a large funding for that.
     Last, the author recommend Mr charles to direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda shcool system.But it's entire different from the job in the Steel Cith High,however, the author failed to provide the evidence that Mr charles are qualified for the job.What's more, the author failed to consider other possible canndate who might be more suitable for the job than Mr charles
     In sum, in order to blost the argument, the author need to prove that it was the attribution of Mr charles to wining the regional band competionsand improving the falicity and instrument,moreover, the author also need to provide evidence that Mr charles can do well in the new job and he is the best choice for that job.

gdreamer9UID: 2542678

LZ帮我改一下我的ARGUMENT把，本人水平太烂了。。主要是怕跑题。。
还有就是我狠讨厌使用模板，怎么说呢，就像在裹脚很难受，而且看其他人用模板写出来的文章我觉得像在看字典，极端乏味无趣！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

提纲：
1 作者没有正确的前提和有效的例子所以分析是错误的。
2 10-25的人群喜欢游戏并不一定就说明他们会买
3 例子的有效性怀疑
4 作者没有考虑到其他的会影响销售量的因素
5 总结，这个结论是不成立的。

The author draw hasty conclusion that the whirlwind video games will be largely increased in the next few months for its advertising campaigns to their assumed target audiences and the survey they referenced, which i absolutely disagree with it. As far as i concern, this conclusion is doubtful for its not an accurate premises and invalid data, moreover, lacking of considering other alternatives and i will indicate accordingly.

Firstly, it could hardly to make the certain assertion that the 10-25 age group which is regarded as the group mostly like to play video game will definitely become the main customer of this games. In one hand, most of People who at 10-25 are most likely the students without any income apart from the pocket money their parents may give it to them. Consequently, some of them may not afford to buy video games. in addtion, play games could be strongly opposed by their families or teachers since study time of the students could be occupied, moreover, distract their attention from their study. Based on those reasons, the few people at 10-25 will bearing the few possibility to buy this video games.
   
secondly, The survey that author provided could be a invalid if it is an biased and few people taken. Whether the test maker is enough to make this survey an convincing and scientific survey? Providing that this report is valid upon these limited test makers, and wheter these test makers are board represented instead of limiting in several groups or only the people who prefer games that provide lifelike graphic and other high techniques? If it is true for this survey,I am afraid this is invalid survey will incontrovertible leads to the wrong conclusion.

Thirdly, the author failed to consider other alternatives for an increase of video selling. For example, it may be the summer or winter holiday that more 10-25 people who are most like to be the students buy the video of Whirlwind, but can author assert it will be an dramatically increase if the next following months is the study season instead of holiday time? Furthermore, if there is an economic downturn in that country just like what we are experiencing now, are there any extra money for entertainment satisfaction beside the life expenses?  

All in all, each conclusion should be made with an all alternatives consideration and an comprehensive deliberation. Any biased premises and inaccurate example will inevitable draw an wrong conclusion. The author should evaluate all the relevant reasons and conditions of video selling increasing and to make sound assertion and action.

cxistcUID: 2535262

12.9就要考了，多谢修改

TOPIC: ARGUMENT227 - The following appeared as an editorial in a local newspaper.

"In order to attract visitors to Central Plaza downtown and to return the plaza to its former glory, the city should prohibit skateboarding there and instead allow skateboarders to use an area in Monroe Park. At Central Plaza, skateboard users are about the only people one sees now, and litter and defaced property have made the plaza unattractive. In a recent survey of downtown merchants, the majority supported a prohibition on skateboarding in the plaza. Clearly, banning skateboarding in Central Plaza will make the area a place where people can congregate for fun or for relaxation."
WORDS: 451          TIME: 00:28:57          DATE: 2008-11-27 20:11:50

While the author's conclusion about the prohibition on skateboarding in Central Plaza seems logical due to the assumption that skateboard users make the plaza inpopular, the author fails to demonstrate the assumption. Moreover, the argument is problematic because it is based on a survey of dowtown merchants.

First, the author's conclusion depends on the assumption that skateboard users make the plaza unpleasant since they are the only users currently. However there is absolutely no evidence provided to substantiate the assumption. It is possible that the cental Plaza has already become dirty and disordered before skateboarders use it. Perhaps the litters are thrown by the nearby merchants, residents or the passers-by. And the defaced property is made by the childrening living here. Unless the author cannot demonstrate that the current situation is made directly by skateboardusers, the author's concern about the negative effect of skateboarding is unfounded.

Second, the author masks other potential and even more sigificant reasons for the disuse of plaza. Perhaps people are reluctant to congregate for fun in plaza just because there is lack of relaxation facilities or beautiful planation in plaza. Or perhaps there exists serious security problems in this region, people are afraid of having outdoor acitivities. Accordingly, the author fails to take into account these and other possible factors that might be more critical than skatebroading in determining the popularity of plaza.

Third, the author fails to demonstrate the vast majority of people support a prohibition on skateboarding since the author's conclusion depends on the survey of downtown merchants. Many people are excluded from the survey. Common sense tells us the major users of plaza are old people and children instead of local merchants. Perhaps these people prefer skateboarding in the plaza since their performance is exciting. Therefore, the argument is open to doubt since the sample of the survey is not representative enough to reflect the general attitude of the users of the plaza as a whole.

Finally, even if the prohibition on skateboarding in plaza will take effect, allowing skateboarders to use an area in Monroe Park instead is not a good solution. If it is true that the litters and defaced property were maker by skatebroad users, perhaps the enviroment in the park will also be damaged by skatebroad users and then there will be less visitors in the park causing new problems.

In conclusion, the arguement is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author must provides better evidences that the current situation of plaza is caused by skatebroading and convince me that without them the situation will be effectively improved. The author must also assure me the validity of the survey and the feasibility of the solution.

walkUID: 196561

LZ 帮忙改一下这篇吧，这几天模考写了几篇， 不过写完后都不感回头看了，对作文还是比较头疼，这篇是限时写然后稍微修改了一下的，谢谢了！
TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
WORDS: 396          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-12-1 16:04:18

In this argument, the arguer concludes that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. To support the argument, the arguer cites that two group patients who has muscle injuries, the group who was treated with antibiotics recovered quicker than the group who not using the antibiotics. However, the evidence provided by the arguer can not support the conclusion very well for several reasons.

First, the arguer fails to provide the information that if the severity of the two group patients' muscle injuries is the same. It is possible that the second group patients suffered more serious muscle injuries than the first group. If this is true, the arguer's conclusion about the effectivity of antibiotics on muscle injuries is questionable. The arguer also provides no detail information about the amount of patients in each group and the average age of the patients in every group. These factors are also important to judge the effectivity of the antibiotics.

Second, it is possible the two different doctors using different physical treatment that may be important to the recovery of the muscle injuries. Because Dr. Newland is a specialist in sports medicine, he may have some special method to treat the muscle injuries. And Dr. Alton has little experiences in this disease. It is possible that the second group patients recovery slower than the first group is because Dr. Alton is not familiar with this disease and not because they didn’t use antibiotics.

Third, the argument didn't provide any evidence that there are secondary infections with the muscle injuries. The arguer only cites a supposition that muscle injuries may have secondary infection. This evidence can not make us believe that there is really has secondary infection after the muscle injuries. Therefore we can not trust the conclusion that antibiotics have effectivity on muscles injuries. Moreover the arguer failed to explain if antibiotics have side effect on muscles disease.

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen it the author must provide detail information to prove that the circumstance of two group patients is the same and the two doctors both didn’t take the same method to treat the patients except that one using antibiotics and another not using it. Finally, the author also should provide information to prove that antibiotics have no side effect.

fainting_robinUID: 2336582

感谢热心的版友！如果你有时间，希望还能具体写写你对a写作的一些体会。

Mikey_婭UID: 2521403

请楼主帮忙改一下，第一篇完整的AW，写得不好，还请LZ见谅啊！
Argument 1:
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."

字数：550      无计时    顺便提一下：由于开头段要列举论据，但是第一次写比较不会压缩，特别求指教！


The arguer concludes that they should establish the new store selling health food and other health-related products in Plainsville. To sustain this conclusion, the author points out the following facts: (1)Previous experience has shown that their stores profits most in areas such as Plainsville where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives; (2)sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs depended on the report and the local health club  is more popular than ever; (3)Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program. From these evidences, in terms of my opinions, there’s still something wrong so that the argument appears to be somewhat suspect .

The threshold problem is that the fact, previous experience has shown that NW's shops profit most in areas where residents account of health very much, is not sufficient to indicate that it's a correct choice to open the new store in Plainsville. First, the arguer doesn't provide any evidence to point out these inhabitants are in favor of exercise, perhaps they pay more attention on making health conditions better through how to improve their living surroundings or mental health, rather than exercise or diet, if like that, they are not likely to buy those products. Even if people will purchase NW's products for sport or diet, however, as is known to us, this experience is based on the previous statistics, no one knows if it's still applicable to the present, not to mention the future. In short, the vice president's recommendation seems to be unfounded.
   
As for the second claim that local health club prevails again, likewise, can't guarantee NW's products will be popular as well. And from the statement, we've known that this club nearly closed five years ago, so it's unclear that why it suffered from this situation and whether it'll occur again later. Even though the club can maintain current prosperity, there're some possibilities to overthrow the author's assumptions. For example, if the club supplies their members sport suits even shoes so that more people join in it, in this case, the new store will be difficult to operation, let alone profit.

Thirdly, although schoolchildren participate the 'fitness for life' program, will they be NW's customers? Maybe every school has its own uniform, and they can completely use the uniform instead of any new sport swears. As a result, this program does not need products from NW. Granted that these students are interested in buying NW's goods, an ignored problem, what proportion they account for the total number of Plainsville's population? A small-scale group of customers can not make much sense. Therefore, the arguer can not convince me on this point yet.
     
To sum up, the vice president of NW does not come up with convincing evidences to uphold his recommendation. To intensify it, he must provide more particular information or evidences on why should build the new store in Plainsville. Such evidence might include the following: Plainsville's residents are full of enthusiasm about exercise or health diet; the local health club will keep up its present prosperity, and members from this club need to NW's products; A concreat number of schoolchildren and percentage, moreover, these students are likely to purchase new store’s products to take part in the ‘fitness for life’ program.

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