哪位大侠帮忙改一下？

sandraluyiUID: 2550938

Good teachers are more important to a child’s development than good parents.
In most cases, it could be true that good teachers are more important to a child's development than good parents.
First, teachers are professionals, who have solid teaching skill and know how to guide the children appropriately, while many parents are not so good at coaching even though they are very nice and intelligent people themselves.
Second, theachers have more experience in dealing with different children who have different intelligence, interests and characters, while parents are not so sophisticated in this aspect. Therefore, teachers may be more competent than the parents in figuring out a typical method to teach a kid in an effective way, according to his/her own characteristics. And teachers may also have more chances to coach the child how to get along with other children, which helps to improve their inter-personnal skills at an early age.  Usually, parents are not so capable of doing those stuffs.
Moreover, parents sometimes tend to over-love their children that they give the kids whatever they want or try to satisfy every need of them. Teachers will not make such mistakes towards the children as they are more sensible. Teachers will reasonably decide when the child should be punished for bad behavior and when the child should be awarded for good practice, while parents are often not able to do that since they just love their children too much.
Last but no the least, teachers are more experienced than parents in assigning tasks to the children. Children get exposure to different situations during the process of completing the task. They may also greatly enhance their analytical and problem solving skills in finish such assignment.
For the reasons stated above, I basically agree with the saying that good teachers are more important to a child's development than good parents in most cases.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Good teachers are more important to a child’s development than good parents.

In most cases, it could be true that good teachers are more important to a child's development than good parents. (这个起头过于简洁了，至少要解释一下问题。而且it could be true这种很有所保留的语气用在开头里会让读者有不正确的期望 - 就是你后面可能还会讲讲in other cases的情况。阐述意见最好是干脆明确)

First,teachers are professionals, who have solid teaching skills and know how to guide the children appropriately, while many parents are not so as good at coaching even though they are very nice and intelligent people themselves. (作文题目是 老师比家长在孩子的成长上起更大的作用，而不是 老师比家长会教孩子. 至少需要再添一句类似better coaching provides better guidance to children's development之类的话。)

Second, theachers have more experience in dealing with different children who have different levels of intelligence, interests and characters, while parents are not so as sophisticated in this aspect. Therefore, teachers may be more competent than the parents in figuring out a typical method to teach a kid in an effective way, according to his/her own characteristics (typical的潜台词是 适合多数人的，所以跟后面半句直接矛盾。I think you meant to say something like 'customized' or 'organized'). And (常见的问题，and不应该用在正式写作的起句，用furthermore)teachers may also have more chances to coach the a child on how to get along with other children, which helps to improve their inter-personnal skills at an early age.  Usually, parents are not so capable of doing those stuffs.(stuff是一个非常不严肃的词，除非为了写作风格，议论文中建议少用。另外第二个点比较弱，你其实已经提出来了老师有更多 机会 教导人际关系，但这不等于家长not capable。这里根本的原因是一般来说小孩和老师在一起的时候是在学校里，其他孩子多的环境，所以老师才更有机会，而和父母在一起的时候一般是在家里，还有很重要的中国现在多数都是独生子女，才会造成家长没什么机会教 - 所以如果是上门的家教老师呢？如果是美国那种家里通常都至少俩孩子的呢？所以你需要把more chances的概念解释清楚)

Moreover, parents sometimes tend to over-love spoil their children that they give the kids whatever they want or try to satisfy every need of them.(or的前后两部分好像是一个意思啊) Teachers will not make such mistakes towards the children as they are more sensible (技术上来说，sensible与否并不是一个很strong的原因. 如果父母自己是当老师的呢？他们会sensible还是宠孩子呢？The point here is that teachers normally don't have particularly strong feelings towards any individual child that they teach.). Teachers will reasonably decide when the a child should be punished for bad behavior and when the child he should be awarded for good practice, while parents are often not able to do that since they just love their children too much and tend to feel reluctant about punishing them.

Last but no the least, teachers are more experienced than parents in assigning tasks to the children.Children get exposure to different situations during the process of completing the tasks. They may also greatly enhance improve their analytical and problem solving skills greatly in finishing such (前面并没有具体描述什么task，用such没有着落) assignments.

For the reasons stated above, I basically agree with the saying that good teachers are more important to a child's development than good parents in most cases. (又是很有保留的语气。这样会让读者觉得你的文章没有写完。托福的议论文不需要这么政治正确，前面已经把原因阐明得很好了)

总结:

这篇文章总体来说语言技巧已经相当成熟，用字遣句都很干净，讨论的论点也都很有道理。主要的问题是全篇的语气太弱，从头到尾都是 ‘俺虽然这么说但不排除有和俺说的不一样的可能啊‘的小心翼翼的神态。议论文不是政府发言稿，不用怕得罪谁。每件事情都有正反两面甚至更多面，没人能面面俱到，这是普遍共识，所以议论文上来要立论 - 所谓的立论的意思，除了提出观点，也有限定讨论内容的作用，就是向读者表明‘虽然B不是没有可能的，但我这篇文章只讨论A, 不讨论B‘，然后在结尾再度干脆、明确地表明你的观点，这样写是很正常的一篇完整文章，没什么不周到的。相反，像你现在这种写法，不在开头就表明限定讨论的内容，那么读者就会期望你写出一篇更加面面俱到的文章，你突然在讨论完A之后就结尾就显得文章没写完了。所以立论和结论的方法最好注意一下。

nmrphdUID: 2554154

第一句 it could be true改成it is true
不然还以为你要转折呢

sandraluyiUID: 2550938

跪谢！大有裨益。
俺就是那种当小职员当久了的，平时说话老是唯唯诺诺，而且不敢把话说死，拼命给自己留余地的人。。。

superzhuboUID: 2512118

我感觉你的文章结构有点不好，
你的第一个，第二个，第四个 都是在说一个东西
第一段你说：teachers are professionals, who have solid teaching skills and know how to guide children appropriately
我觉得这里面可以详细的说一下 老师的这些skills 和 appropriate coaching 具体体现在哪里， 可以用你的第二个和第四个例子解释

1. more experience in dealing with different children who have different levels
of intelligence, interests and characters.
2. are more experienced than parents in assigning tasks to the children.
我觉得这两个是说明老师是professionals的具体例子
所以你的文章可以分为 4 段
开头，第1，2，4段综合，第3段，结尾
其实不用说那么多理由吧，两个好好展开就可以。

个人观点，仅供参考

阿泰UID: 209473

文章没什么大问题，就是开头结尾过于简单

这个题目是今年PETS5的作文题