作文求改 knowledge from books and knowledge from experience

oxyzenUID：2563930

It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why？


It is widely believed that knowledge can generally be divided into two categories namely the direct one and the indirect one.
Indirect knowledge is known as the knowledge written in books, which now actually becomes the main source of knowledge. Direct knowledge is the one that we get directly from our own experience. It is true that everything human beings got in mind due its origin to the direct experience, for those indirect knowledge contained in the books are just the conclusions our ancestors wrote down to free us from re-engaging in the activities they had already done long ago. However, nowadays, it is quite safe to draw such a conclusion that the knowledge gained from books accounts for a much larger proportion of the information in our mind than the knowledge gained from experience.

Sine the story of Adam and Eve, human beings have been writing their histories. It is such a long history that the descendants simply can not, and actually they do not have to, redo their ancestors' activities in order to get the same knowledge. So as the time goes by, people begin to take something like a flat surface of a large stone, or a sea turtle shell and eventually the papers as the things they could write on. As a result, there are billions of precious books stored in the libraries all over the world. These books have provided us with more knowledge than our direct experience do. Just think of how you get to know that the earth is spherical, and our mother planet is circling around the sun. You can not possibility know all those because you fly out of the earth and have the view of the blue planet in the outer space and then draw an conclusion like that. You get that information in an indirect way. Moreover, some of the knowledge in these books can be results from the joint efforts of our most intelligent ancestors. And these conclusions might not be drawn by your own experience.

On the other hand, the significance of the direct experience can never be neglected. By going through a piece of experience by ourselves, we can have a better or deeper understanding of the mechanism or principle. The better understanding probably can not be obtained from those books written by other people, and may result in fewer mistakes when we are in a similar situation.

Considering all the advantages of both the knowledge from experience and books, in my point of view, the knowledge from books is more important to us, especially in a world with fast development in technology and science.

mpromanusUID：2565872

It is widely believed that knowledge can generally be divided into two categories, namely the direct one  knowledge (knowledge是不可数名词，不能用one来指代) and the indirect one knowledge. (我明白你想怎么写，但是题目是比较书里的和亲身体验的知识，所以你应该用题目开头，然后指出书里的知识是indirect knowledge, 亲身体验的知识是direct knowledge, 这是你的论点。你现在是反过来用论点破题，这一破啊你全篇就只能围绕着direct/indirect展开了..)

Indirect knowledge is known as the knowledge written in books (says who? it could be knowledge from magazines, newspapers, the internet, TV, or conversations with other people), which now actually becomes the main source of knowledge. Direct knowledge is the one knowledge that we get directly from our own experience. It is true that everything a human beings got has in minddue owes its origin to the direct experience, for those indirect knowledge contained in the books are just the conclusions our ancestors wrote down to free us from re-engaging in the activities they had already done long ago. However, nowadays, it is quite safe to draw such a conclusion that the knowledge gained from books accounts for a much larger proportion of the information in our minds than the knowledge gained from experience. (the question is asking you which one is more important. I understand you may imply that since a large amount of our knowledge is indirect, it must be more important, but you can't expect your examiner to guess at it: you have to put the keywords there so your examiner knows where to follow)

Sine the story time of Adam and Eve, human beings have been writing their histories. It is such a long history that the descendants simply cannot, and actually they do not have to, redo their ancestors' activities in order to get the same knowledge. So (It's not appropriate to start a sentence with 'so' in formal writing. Use 'therefore') as the time goes by, people began to take something like a flat surface of a large stone, or a sea turtle's shell, and eventually the papers as the things they could write on. As a result, there are billions of precious books stored in the libraries all over the world. These books have provided us with more knowledge than our direct experience do. Just think of how you get to know that the Earth is spherical, and our mother planet is circling around the sun. You cannot possibility know all those because you flew out of the Earth and had the view of the blue planet in the outer space and then drew an conclusion like that. You get that information in an indirect way. Moreover, some of the knowledge in these books can be results from the joint efforts of our most intelligent ancestors.And these Such conclusions might not be drawn by your own experience. (okay, you've persuaded me that a lot of knowledge that we can gain from books cannot be obtained through personal experience - BUT does that make such knowledge more important? I know from the records that the longest beard in the world is 1.895m long, and I can never grow that myself so that knowledge is book-only - but is that more important than my personal knowledge on how to debug that 100,000-line code base of a full-blown commercial software?)

On the other hand, the significance of the direct experience can never be neglected. By going through an piece of experience event or activity by ourselves, we can have a better or deeper understanding of the its mechanism or principle. The better understanding probably cannot be obtained from those books written by other people,and may result in fewer mistakes when we are in a similar situation in the future?.  

Considering all the advantages of both the knowledge from experience and books, in my point of view, the knowledge from books is more important to us,especially in a world with fast development in technology and science (it's not wise to pop up with new points at the very end of the essay).

总结:

1. 词汇很好，语法也很不错.

2. 逻辑组织没有紧跟问题。问题有两个部分：compare and contrast; 说明which is more important and why. 一般来说，是后面需要阐述观点的部分需要多写，一般两个点，前面倾向于描述性的部分用一长段就够了。lz的作文是一直在compare and contrast，直到最后一段总结才有些搭上题目的后一个部分，主次颠倒了。不过以lz的语言功底，只要明白题目想要什么，写是没有什么太大问题的，以后碰到类似的题型注意下就好。

oxyzenUID：2563930

mpromanus 直指要害，一语惊醒梦中人，多谢！