一块砖头引发的血案

zhouziyou001UID：2449647

一块砖头引发的血案    求大家狠拍作文  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Having a job to work
with other people is better than having a job to work alone. Use specific reasons
and examples to support your answer.

A trend has existed for many years is that the modern society request people communication with others or corporate with others more than the past. Some people maintain it is necessary having a job to work with other folks owing to making friends, learning from others. In spite of there are dozens of advantages of working with others, as far as I am concerned, I suggest that characters will be benefited more when they work alone for the following reasons.

One very strong argument for working alone has teams of benefits is that if people work alone they will save time and work more efficient then work in a group. People can make the decision themselves so long as they work alone because they do not listening to others opinions. Even though with others helps, you will think about things more thoughtful, usually, each person have their own schedule, it is excessively difficult to find a time all of the members can come to meet. Moreover, if someone in a group has some problem, the whole group should wait for his or her.

Another reason that why I advocate working alone is that the more people do not means the more power it is have. Sometimes, the more people a team have the less power it releases. As a case in point, Real Madrid, a football team, which contains 11 all-star players in 2003 to 2006, was usually defeated by a team with no celebrity players, and in those seasons, Real Madrid did not win any title. This demonstrates undisputable fact that sometimes, some members in group cannot show their intelligence well when they work with other people.

In addition, an equally essential factor which drives people's attention is that people can earn all the money or horror that he accomplishment. In contrast, if a group wins some prize, they have to share the money and the honor. At this time, it also bring a slice of problems, for instance, friends may destroy their friendship by fight for the interests.

For the above reasons, I deem that working alone is much better than work with other individuals as a result of it would be more efficient, sometimes work in a group can not exhibit all a person's intelligence as well as it would avoid to distribute the interests.

[ 本帖最后由 zhouziyou001 于 2008-11-28 11:17 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

A trend that has existed for many years is that the modern society requests people to communicate with others or corporate with others more than the past (这个句子放在中文其实也要算是病句，虽然你经常会看到连新闻里都那么说 - ‘社会’怎么能‘要求’人做什么事情呢？应该是人为了在社会中生存而做什么事情。). Some people maintain that it is necessary to have a job to work with other folks owing to (owing to不是一个可以代替because of的词组..俺现在非常想知道这是哪个教的词汇! ..owing to带反面色彩，通常是在描述不好的情况下的原因才用.) making friends, learning from others (缺少主语的情况下这两个词组并没有完整的意思。你完全可以用简单明了的动词句..because they can make friends and learn from others. 不要为了高深的句式而写出读不通的句子.). In spite of there are the dozens of advantages of working with others, as far as I am concerned, I suggest that characters (Do you mean people or do you mean 'characteristics of people'?) will be benefited more when they work alone for the following reasons.

One very strong argument for working alone has teams of benefits (跑句run-on sentence. 在这个括号之前的部分是一个完整的句子One ...argument...has...benefits. 在这个括号之后的部分是一个分句 is that... 不是很确定has teams of benefits想修饰谁或者表达什么.) is that if people work alone, they will save time and work more efficiently then working in a group. People can make the decision themselves so long as they work alone because they do not need to listening to others' opinions. Even though with others' helps, you will think about things more thoughtfully, usually, each person has their own schedule, it is excessively extremely difficult to find a time that all of the members can come to meet. (又是跑句. usually之前的部分是一个完整的句子. usually之后的部分又是一个完整的句子. 而且这两个句子的意思之间完全看不出有什么关系. 如果你不能100%确定自己写的长句是正确的，那你多半就是会写错，还不如写很多个正确的短句.) Moreover, if someone in a group has some problem, the whole group would wait for his or her. (and so? 这句话说明了你的论点的什么方面呢？不要假设读者能够从不完整的逻辑里推断出你心里想的东西 - 如果大家都要等组里一个人的话，就会造成效率低下 - 你必须把这句话完整地写出来才算把道理讲完.)

Another reason that why I advocate working alone is that the more people do does not means the more power it is they have. Sometimes, the more people a team has the less power it releases. As a case in point, Real Madrid, a football team, which contains 11 all-star players in 2003 to 2006, was usually frequently defeated by a team with no celebrity players, and in those seasons, Real Madrid did not win any title. This demonstrates the undisputable fact that sometimes, some members in a group cannot show their intelligence well when they work with other people. (你的论点是 团队人多不等于力量大 - 但是踢球两边不都是11个人吗~~~~除非你特别指明你说的是 团队里明星员工人数多不等于力量大，否则明星球员的人数多少和团队总人数多少这两个概念还是差别很大的..!)

In addition, an equally essential factor which drives people's attention is that people can earn all the money or horror (?!) that he accomplishes. In contrast, if a group wins some prize, they have to share the money and the honor. At this time, it also bring a slice of problems, for instance, friends may destroy their friendship by fighting for the interests.

For the above reasons, I deem that working alone is much better than working with other individuals as a result of it would be more efficient, sometimes working in a group cannot exhibit all a person's full intelligence as well as it would avoid to distributing the interests.(第三个跑句. 而且最后一部分avoid to distribute the interests完全是不地道的..最重要的是，看了半天才明白你的it指的是working alone而不是句子里更靠近it这个词的working with others. 代词是有距离感的东西，读者会很容易把代词和离它最近的名词配对，请仔细使用，不要因为你知道it是什么就假设读者也会知道.)

总结：

严重的模板痕迹。用模板不是问题，但你在模板不能照顾到的地方表现出了对这门语言的不通达，不管是词汇和句法的使用都无法说服读者你有运用这门语言清楚地说明一个道理的信心..这就是问题了..最主要的问题是长句的严重跑句，请小心分句。另外就是很多很不地道的表达方式 - exhibit intelligence, distribute interests, destroy friendship..等等。请不要用中文直译的方式造新表达，背单词的时候请跟搭配方式一起背。