20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

想秋刀鱼的猫UID: 2304079

221# 腾格里旅狼

先谢谢楼主~鞠躬~
第一段我是自己背的2个套句改了改加自己写的，后来找考过G的同学也说过我的论点论证的非常的不充分，我要好好加强~
再次谢谢楼主，辛苦鸟 ~

qiuxinluUID: 2419238

感谢楼主 帮我看下吧~这是我准备TOEFL的第一篇作文 写了很久 也查了字典 但是错误肯定不少 但自己估计改不出来~~谢谢楼主了~~
A company has announced that it wishes build a large factory near your community.Discuss the advantage and disadvantages of this new influence on your community.Do you support the factory?Explain your position

The advantages and disadvantages of a new factory near your community
I live in an old crowded uptown,and most of the population is salaried person.Several factories have already been located in our community,like a chemical plant, a biscuits factory,a printing factory and two textile factories and so on,which have made our community extremely crowded and dirty,what’s more, too many commuters working for these factories bring large traffic pressure during workdays.A new factory means more workshops,more workers,more traffic jar and worse environment to our community.
A new factory will need a large amount of resourse for producing,for example,it needs land to build the workshops which will make our community more crowded;it needs labour to make production,so many immigrants from the poorer regions will poor into our community which may lead to a rising crime rate as a potential negative side effect;Besides, it needs water, raw material,and so on,water is very short as more and more factories been built in our community,and the heavy traffic has already threat to the roads and bridge,the more need of raw material means heavier traffic,because there’s no primary agricultural products produced in our community.
Without a overall city planing,the residential area is mixed with industrial area in our comminity,these is not an obvious borderline between them,I think this circumstance will definitely deteriorate with several workshops added.Besides,there’s no green belt between residential area and idustrial area,the environment in residential area has already been demaged seriously,we can hardly see blue sky because it is usually grey,the air is full of dust and emission from some factories,the only river is smelly,I think a new factory may make the environment even worse.
However,a new factory would help the local economy.All of the built factories in our community have existed at least 20 years,they all produce low-profic unevironmental primary industrail production,like textile,foods,primary chemicals.In my view,if the new factory is a high-tech,high-profit,environmental factory,it will absolutely help the local economy,and even improve the level of education in our community.Besides, some abandoned workshops can be reused by the new factory,which will bring a win-win situation that the factory can reduce the constraction cost and the abandoned workshops can be renewed.
In brief,I believe the potential risks of opening a new factory would outweigh the benefits except we imposing strict environmental and techical standard on selecting the factory.

hanyi11UID: 2596263

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion upon whether high schools should require all students to

wear school uniform .As an old saying goes that a coin has two sides,every policy has its

advantage as well as disadvantage. Considering the family income gap,images of the school and

students' learning enthusiasticy,we can safely draw the conclusion that the benefits of requiring

all students to wear school uniforms outweigh its disadvantage.




Along with the development of economy, the income gaps of different families are becoming larger

than ever before.For instance,a farmer who obtains ten thousand yuan a year may be very rich in

his village while it is impossible to lead a cosy life in the city with the same amount of money.

When a farmer's son meets a boss' son in the school ,the former one may lose confidence or be

jealous of others which will greatly affect his learning. If all stedents in the school wear

uniforms ,these problems could be avoided.




Furthermore, some students like to follow the trends of fashion who may wear some strange dresses

or trousers in the school. This,of couse,will damage the good imges of the school.The policy of

adovating uniform could help teachers to handle with things of this sort.

Finally,it is undenible that students' responsibility is learning.What if some students put more

attention on wearing while ignoring their learning when school permits them to decide what to wear

to school?In fact, in my middle school, a group of girls always talk about wearing things and drop

out of the school in the end.




Although the policy of uniform adverses the cultivation of various characters,it plays a vital

role in decreasing conflicts.Consequently,I believe requiring all students to wear school uniforms

will contribute to  a more harmonious surrounding for students.

麻烦咯

jstzfishUID: 2542893

9.May 一战，怒练作文中，望楼主评估一下本人目前的水平，大概什么分数层次？



With the considerably rapid pace of globalization and phenomenal speed of development , our society has become more and more complex . As a result , facing with various kinds of troubles , we have to choose an proper way to avoid horrible situation and make wise decision . Some people may use their intuition to handle tough problems , contrary to them , is my heartfelt agreement with the point that it is sagacious for everybody to make a plan before move forward , especially for younger generation . The factors that direct my propensity are as follows .

The most convincing reason is that , young people are lack practical experience , what they have learn in universities or colleges are merely basic theories and abstract concepts . Hence ,when facing practical issues, they will more than possibly rely to their so-called knowledge which is often useless for coping with the real world things . As a result , they would easily fail in their work . However , if a detailed organization was made by them before the imprudent decision , things would definitely be different , success seems to be a piece of cake .

There is another contributing factor that deserves some word here , an well organized plan would remarkably promote the work efficiency . As we all know that , in this extremely competitive world , efficiency is of utmost importance for every person ,every company , every country . We have a popular say that "Time is money !" . Therefore , if a young person could finish a task in shorter time compared with his/her co-workers , he/she would easily gets a promotion . In another word , future success of young workers is closely related to a highly organized pattern of dealing things .

Furthermore , what is worth noticing is that a young work would gain much more prodigious personal satisfaction if he/she gradually finish the tasks listed in his/her plan , that , in turn may increase one`s working passion to a large extend . This demonstrates the undeniable fact that a ideal plan is instrumental for young people .

Admittedly , we would have to make a quick decision or judge something immediately under certain circumstances, such as when there is an emergency . Though there seems no room for us to make a detailed plan , we should cultivate a sense of  owning a well organized life , because with less experience , we tend to encounter horrible situations and make undesirable mistakes . Ready to plan our life , organize our work would be of utmost significance , if the ultimate outcome taken into consideration .

Taking into account all these striking evidence , we could safely arrive at an understandable conclusion that  the younger generation ought to carry out complete plan and organization both in life and in work .

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

222# daney68 托福作文中你经常会出现这种问题，不知道对立面怎么写，如果是这样，最好避开他，挑你明白的说。你知道difficult classes是什么，那你就抓着这个写，写一下选这种课的好处和坏处……而且你的理解确实有问题……既然人家已经说你能拿到分数，但不是最高分，就说明你已经有一定基础，如果是我，我会写“太难的课程容易使人产生厌学情绪，因为我要花很长时间去理解，而且我总不能得到高分。”

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

223# yyw614 第一段写的不错，尤其是引入方式很地道。这篇文章没有什么太大的毛病，但是例子和议论还是不能很好的结合，比如第二段，写的高兴了就把例子忘了……在练习的时候尝试一下参考范文，看一下范文中的例子是怎么用的。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

224# Rodrush 不谢，模版只是一种工具，真正想提高还是需要抛开模版练。树荫下是长不出树的。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

225# Jessie奔奔 第一段写的是不错，但是有一些冗长，托福作文第一段尽量给人简单干练的感觉，太长容易使人疲倦……看过你的文章发现你不会写论证，全是例子。虽然我很提倡大家些例子，但是你的例子站的篇幅有些长。另外，以你第三段为例，就算你不想写太长的议论，你至少可以抛开例子提一下serious problems的影响，影响的生活，到底是什么……

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

226# 想秋刀鱼的猫 不谢，你的名字真个性……很有亲切感;P

yyw614UID: 2518680

谢谢了 我会注意的  看来我得好好看看例子与议论的逻辑联系  真的太谢谢你了

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

227# qiuxinlu 首先声明，我不改语法和句型。
我并不十分赞成在第一段就用例子，因为会影响到第一段的简介和别人对你文章的理解。但是你的文章在第一段的例子举得不错，如果考官有耐心看完的话，你的第一段还是很有吸引力的。另外，你的文章段子太长，没有主次关系。比如，如果你需要证明A是正确的，最好能用一长段来写支持A的论点。然后其他的可以简单的提一下。

阿泰UID: 209473

消化点了吗

想秋刀鱼的猫UID: 2304079

226# 想秋刀鱼的猫  不谢，你的名字真个性……很有亲切感;P
腾格里旅狼 发表于 2009-4-28 12:59

其实我想把猫改改成老虎..又怕把人吓着,嘿嘿...

jstzfishUID: 2542893

刚写完，请楼主估分 ， 谢谢！



When facing with tough problems , when being exhausted with work or study but having no idea for relaxation , even when handling some trivial troubles of daily life , a good friend is often the first consideration to whom we ask for help . Some people argue that , only those friends who are older than us can provide us constructive suggestions . Contrary to these people is my heartfelt agreement with the statement that friends of the same age are more than possibly the right advisers who are of greater significance than seniorities . Why do I extremely have confidence in our peers ? Among countless factors which influence my choice , these are a few conspicuous aspects as follows .

The most convincing reason for my propensity is that , no one could deny that , one tend to be more intimate with people of his/her age . That can be given a concrete example .  It is common to see a group of pupils having a heated discussion or debate sometimes . However , if there was an adult in the group, the atmosphere would totally transformed from active to passive , sort of a little boring . Perhaps , this older friend of these children would , indeed offer some gorgeous advice , otherwise , children may not necessarily understand it with pleasure . Actually , there is a generation gap between the advisor with children .

There is another contributing factor that deserves some words here , the suggestion from our peers may often more acceptable and easily be carried out , because they usually share the same situations and experiences with us .Take the case of myself as an example . When I was in junior high , once I got an chance to go for an exchange program , yet , I was busy with my finals at that present . As a result , My parents insisted that I should concentrate on my final exams , however they were not aware of the importance of this program . Finally , I took my classmates` advice , and went to America for exchange study , that virtually developed my academic knowledge as well as broadened my vision to a large extend .

Admittedly , considerable though the relative merits of the suggestion from older friends are , its drawbacks are more impressive , if the ultimate outcome taken into consideration . For one thing , people older than us would more than possibly a little bit arbitrary , they may impose their  feeling on those who are younger than them ; For another , though they are much more experienced and sophisticated , they often ignore the viability of their suggestion when given to us younger generation . Thus the methods they provided frequently beyond our might .

Taking into account all these striking evidence , we could safely arrive at an understandable conclusion that it is indeed much more sagacious to ask more help from our peers .

msdos41UID: 2596651

sports and social activities 是否与学术一样重要以及拨一样的经费?

in a traditional view,students are supposed to be focus on the academical improvement and researches,and they don't need to care much about other things.however,in this full of competition society,it not enough to just study,and i think it's also vital to take sports and social activities in schools or colleges and they should be supported as much as the academical research.these may help students and colleges a lot,especially the sports activities.

first,supporting sports activities could improve the facilities in colleges,such as full size soccer pitch,indoor basketball court,and so forth,which could increase the reputation of a college,and more students would rather enroll there.this is an effective way that increase the profit of a college.my high school possess the only full size soccer pitch and plenty of basketball courts in the city,so every year thousands of students want to be admitted for the sake of the wonderful sports facilities.

besides,supporting sports activities might motivate the sport potential of a student.many of students have been learning from the age of seven and most of them don't know whether the study is the best and fittest way to them.so if students involve in sports activities,probably they will be intrigued and moreover find out that they are really good at it and willing to become a athelete in the future.for instance,the olympic champion ,Liuxiang was noticed to be talent in running when he was playing in the ground and raced with his classmates.so if liuxiang didn't have sports at that time,we will lose a great athelete at present.therefore,it's crucial to support to have sports activities.

finally,taking sports activities can cultivate one's consciousness of competition and the sense of teamwork.these two kinds of qualities play a significant role in future's jobs and work places.everyone who wants to survive and make money and promote in the society should have these characteristics.playing soccer is a good example,because everyone is required to oppose the rivals and do a teamplay with teammates to have a goal.

to sum up,even though the academy research is quite important to students,and it's their basic goal,yet taking sports and society activities are also vital,and both the school and the government are supposed to support these meaningful activities.

Word Count: 362

请楼主赐教~~~~