20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

jjhUID: 2355296

写作求拍，先谢谢LZ了。
Topic100.
Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.


While some believe that governments should spend more money on computer technology, more and more people of insight find it is better for the government to pay more attention to their people's basic needs. As my point of view, I deeply agree with such statement. Although computer technology do play a essential role in today’s competition between countries, I am convinced that governments should spend more money on much more significant issues like pollution, poverty and diseases.   

First and foremost, pollution is one of the most crucial problems we facing all around the world nowadays. Pollution destroys not only the environment but also almost all sort of organisms on the planet where we and our fellow plants and animals live on. For example, the green room gas is making the atmosphere over our head thinner and thinner. The government has the responsibility to draw enough money to protect the environment of our only home, the earth, which will also be our children's and their offspring’s home. In that case, the money is really necessary and worthwhile long-term investment.

Furthermore, there still are millions of people who are homeless and cannot afford food to eat. The extra money paying for the hi-tech computer technology would be fatal to those people. Governments should spare no effort to help them from the current difficult position. Foundation should be set up in the area where at present people are suffering from poverty and war to educate children and train people for gain a job and better future. It might be the kindest and most meaningful way for governments to spend their money.

Last but not least, we are still under the thread of serious epidemic diseases, thus more money being needed to build a stranger public health system. History always reminds us we cannot spend more money on the health care projects and basic science research on medicine. Those tiny viruses might bring big headache to both governments and the public, the SARS in 2003 and recently Swine Flu, for instance.

In conclusion, it is wise for governments to concert on the basic needs of their civilians whenever making the finance budget.  After all, the technology like computer science is the method to contribute well-being of people, not the destination itself.

Word count: 377

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

263# tiny.shirley 首先声明，本帖作文不该语法。你的文章段落间的关系很清晰，另外论述也比较明确，分数应该在23分以上。但是你写作文不善于用身边的例子，所写的例子让人看着很空，感觉虽然论述问题，但是很泛，希望你能够在后来的作文中加入一些身边的例子，如你的朋友，或亲人，或同学，能使你的文章更有说服力。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

264# enia 你写的文章毛病不少，我指出亮点：1，问句太多，托福作文希望你能够论述清楚，明确，使人了解你的观点，并能够稍微接受你的观点，但是你的第二段全是反问……请问阁下，您希望从考官处得到答案么？虽然我知道你接着就写了自己的观点，但这种写法用一处点睛就好了，不要滥用……。2，你的论据自相矛盾。题目是问你学生的表现，如果老师专注于培养好学生，那他的学生表现依然不好，这里指的应该是针对于学生的成绩，你真的认为一两个好学生就能被称作“学生的好表现”？呵呵。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

265# wouldrather 很精彩的引入句，例子鲜明，正对论点，好例子！！赞一个！！！你的文章主要缺点是论点太大了，托福作文篇幅不多，如果找论点，最好找那种短小的论点，这样好论证，不容易露出破站。比如一个大象和一匹马，你认为你更容易攻击哪一个？the best places for people to learn all kinds of knowledge of varied areas，这样的句子一旦出现，就必定意味着你的文章最高也就在20分左右徘徊。all kinds of knowledge of varied areas 因为着他基本要把微软百科被下来，意味着一个化学专业的学生需要知道建筑专业的详细理论知识。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

266# yichengfan 呵呵，很多人都把第一篇作文发在这里了，不胜感激哈。写托福作文用远不要在第一段出现问号，第一段就是像读者展示你的文章观点，你如果写上问号就等于告诉考官你的不自信。文章没什么大的问题，论点还有例子写的都还可以。如果是些这种绝对支持的文章，最好能在最后一段提一下反面观点的优点。能使你的文章增色不少。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

267# goafterdream 你和楼上的朋友缺点差不多，都是在首段就不断的用问句，给人的观点是你对自己的论述很不自信。问句可以有，但最好在第一段以后。你的第三段写的有些偏题了，题目只是问你是否鼓励。encourage。你的第三段确再强调have to.你自习品味一下这两个词“encourage"和"force"就明白了。第三段不是鼓励，而是强迫，学生虽然不喜欢，但是不得不学，因为需要这个分数……这已经超出鼓励的范围了……

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

268# no1piggee 自己感觉不好的文章就不要发上来，你自己对自己的文章就没有自信。看的人更不会喜欢你的文章。你自己先改一下，等到你能改到令自己先满意，再发上来。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

269# hecate63 打起精神，把英语学习当成一种乐趣而不是负担。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

270# goblinme 你发个链接打发乞丐呢……至少也copy一下文章啊……

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

271# jjh 典型的模版问……第一段的模版痕迹非常严重，其实如果你不是很着急考试的话，可以尝试抛开模版写作文，最后另考试的1各月尝试自己总结模版，毕竟自己的模版才是显示出与众不同，能让考官在万千雷同作文中发现你的不同。另外，你对题目有一点误解，basic needs并不是很在意温室气体，而更专注于吃住，当然，如果你非要写温室效应也不是不可以，但是最好能放在最后再写，等到实在找不到例子再写。我知道些温室效应的感觉很好，能使用一些比较专业的词汇，但是效果却不见的写一些吃住来的明显。

阿泰UID: 209473

辛苦辛苦，小狼童鞋

阿泰UID: 209473

分页沙发

tiny.shirleyUID: 2630535

272# 腾格里旅狼
谢谢~  我会努力加一些例子的。
不过什么是“不该语法”? 有一点不理解...是语法问题比较多吗？

wouldratherUID: 2623576

265# wouldrather  很精彩的引入句，例子鲜明，正对论点，好例子！！赞一个！！！你的文章主要缺点是论点太大了，托福作文篇幅不多，如果找论点，最好找那种短小的论点，这样好论证，不容易露出破站。比如一个大象和 ...
腾格里旅狼 发表于 2009-5-14 08:01

谢谢！真是一针见血！那我把第一个论点的开头句改成这样会不会好一点？
First, learning in the  university can help you to deepen your knowledge in a specific area, which is essential if you want to be successful in a certain field.

wouldratherUID: 2623576

知道小狼同学改作文好辛苦的， 不过我还是要厚着脸皮再贴一篇，530只有两周了啊.....

Question:是telephone 还是television 对人类的有more effect?

There is no denying that nowadays our life is deeply influenced by science and technology such as telephone and television. Then which one has more effects on human being? As for me, the answer undoubtedly goes for television.

First, television spreads numerous information to the world and influences billions of people at every single minute. Powerful as this kind of media is, television transferred not only words and sentences, it also provides us with pictures, videos and music, though some of which might be unwanted. TV programs are so fast and attractive that audiences, no matter you are travelling on the wide plain of south Africa or hanging out with your friends in the crowded bar in New York, can freely enjoy the excitement of the live broadcast of Beijing Olympic Game, only if there is a television. This is unimaginable before the ear of television.

Accompany with the mass information we get from the television, our life style is more or less affected. During the long history before television is invented, people tend to spend most of their spare time reading books, visiting neighbours or friends, playing outdoor sports and so on. But now, a lot of us will choose to sit on the sofa and watch TV after dinner, even in the weekend. A great part of our topics with friends has also shifted from things like whose sister has entered the college to the information we obtained from the television, such as the latest episode of a hot sitcom or how the war on the other side of the globe is going on.

Finally, it changed people's way of thinking to some extent, which then may lead to a different way of behaviour. Women in Arab countries begin to wear jeans since they watch it on the television for so many times that they feel wearing jeans is very fashionable; teenagers imitate to act aggressively because those heroes on television seems to be so cool when they fight with or kill the enemies. Television, in this way, has influenced us much more than we have expected.  

In conclusion, although telephone has also brought a great change to the world by shorten the time we spend to communicate with other people in distance, it cannot outweigh the effect that television has on human beings, because television deliver countless information to us thus influence our lifestyle together with our way of thinking.