20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

249# tracyzhao 第一句太长了，看的眼疼，托福评卷人每天工作那么长时间，看成百篇作文，最讨厌的就是这样的长句子！！切忌！！！！
另外，和247楼一样，你也要注意细节，当然，你的细节写的比他好一些，“Nowadays, you can see almost no such parents who leave their children at home instead of taking them to school when children on the age of six of seven which we call it schooling-age.” 这句一定要强调使中国，美国家长并不喜欢这样做。你可能觉得这样的细节没什么，但是你这句话给考官的感觉就像“所有美国人都像Bush一样是个战争狂！！！以偏概全，切忌！！！！另外，你的作文中第三段是个亮点，例子很赞。望努力

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

251# 芝星芋泥 你还需要多多的练习，现在你的文章都是浮着的，没有深入的分析，另外，托福作文是写你的观点……不是让你给别人意见，叫别人怎么做人……所以，文章中最好用"我”。再好好的练习一下吧。记者，写例子分析文章一定要透彻，一定要抓住点分析，不要东说一句西说一句的凑字数。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

254# macang 废话比较多，有凑字数的嫌疑，比如“When ask about which thing I will do to improve our community each month, I believe the answer depends on numerous factors such as what problems the community faces with.”这是纯粹的废话……就比如人家问你”龙井还是毛尖？”你回答“这取决于很多因素”，这句话的潜意思就是“我不知道”……我相信你一定不希望考官这样想你的观点。另外，少用问句……你用那么多问句是为了显示你能使用很多句型么？如果不是，就算了，如果是，也算了……尽量用简单句或少许复杂句给考官留下“我明白，而且我能说清楚。”的印象。比如如果你是考官，你问一个学生“你喜欢中国还是美国”？他回答“这却决于很多因素。你说呢？”这样的话出现在普通对话中可以，但是出现在作文里会是你的文章将不少分数的。

macangUID: 2629723

258# 腾格里旅狼
谢谢了。。我会回去修改的。
请问还有什么其他问题？

yeloluuUID: 2525478

LZ 文章到底是用 I来写好，还是绝不用人称 之用people 之类的好呢？

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

259# macang 目前没有了，先把这个修改好就行了。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

260# yeloluu 如果是例子的话，最好写身边的例子，所以用I比较好，但是如果是其他的举例，用People

tiny.shirleyUID: 2630535

帮忙改一下行吗？ 万分感谢啊!~~~


143. Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
Students being provided with different kinds of vacations has been a undoubtable tradition since formal educational system was formed, but which of the choices-giving students a long vacation or several short vacations is still remaining discussed. One long vacations provides students with opportunities to relax themselves as well as get self improvement. However, based on my knowledge and experience, concerning merits of efficiency, multiculture needs and its true significance, several short vacations may be of significent decision.
As well as one long vacations, students make use of the vacation to relax themselves thoroughly regardless of daily pressure arosed by study. Short vacations are always provided with separated periods of time in order to bring about advantages that students are permitted to have a short relax to pace themselves to the learning, as well as catch up with others in time. They are able to review the information they have just learned to make it more practical in their real work instead of just handling the theory without any experience.
Moreover, as is known to all that loads of universities consists of students not only from different regions of the States, but also internetional students from various parts of the whole world. They are from a diversity of backgrounds, representing different cultural traditions. If they can be given several short vacations, there is no doubt that it meets their needs mentally. Chinese students could spend their Spring Festival with their relatives; Western students could spend their Violentines' Day with their lovers; and Japanese students could spend their Lunar Festival with their friends. It is truly supported by the public especially by students and their relatives, friends, and lovers.
As for as i am concerned, no one would cast doubt on the original significance of vacaions, aiming at giving students a variety of opportunities to accumulate experience in the society, so that several short vacations undoubtedly is of the same goal. Several short vacations brings about different circumstances so that students are more likely to confront nearly everything that takes place everyday.The cataclysms, the volunteer experiences, and unexpected accidents should all be taken into consideration.
One long vacation is of cause of tremendous attraction, withoud comparing to several short vacations. Short vacations meet the needs of students' development not only with their emotional need(with friends, relatives, and lovers), but also with the true meaning of Vacation itself, for which i strongly support it.


Word Count: 405

eniaUID: 2616768

第一次发作文，请楼主帮忙看看，感激不尽！


Agree or disagree:Teachers should be paidaccording to the performance of their students. Use specific reasons and examplesto support your answer.


Some people suggest that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform. Those who maintain this opinion claim that students’ performance reflects a teacher’s teaching ability and how much effort he or she has made. However, this is a misconception. It is unfair to decide a teacher’s salary on the basis of his or her students’ performance, which we have not found a fair way to evaluate.

Nowadays giving a test is the most common method used to appraise students’ learning effect.But is it true that the students’ grades show how good or bad the teacher is? People who agree with this viewpoint may omit other important factors. Actually, a student’s grade may only, in most situations, present individual intellect instead of the teacher’s ability. Just think about these questions: does a student ace the midterm merely because her teacher does a good job on teaching?Or simply she is the smartest girl in the class? How about her classmates who get lower grades? They are taught by the same teacher, aren’t they? Besides, students who study harder may also get good grades, and those who spend no time on studying may fail a test. Thus, a teacher is not the only one, though an important one, responsible for the students’ performance. It is not fair to determine a teacher’s payment merely by the grades of his or her students.

In addition,this kind of evaluation will bias educational methods. For example, when some teachers want to get higher payment, they may make every effort to enhance students’ grades,since it is the only way to show their achievement. They may force students to cram for tests and halt all field trips. They may pay more attention to the students who always get high grades, and ignore those who get lower grades even keeping studying hard. The students who have difficulty learning will not get help because their teachers are concerned about how much their will be next month.

Teachers are one of the most significant roles in our society. Most teachers are very competent for their job and they deserve encouragement and decent payment. However, their effort may not show on the students’ performance. As a result, it is clearly inappropriate to pay teachers according to the performance of their students.

wouldratherUID: 2623576

麻烦楼主帮我修改一下，不胜感激！

题目是：是否同意University Education is the most important factor of success in life。

With the increasing number of young people who cannot find a job after graduating from universities during the severe world economic recession, debate in this field is heated recently. There are countless arguments about if university education is the most important factor to ensure a person's success. In my opinion, although high-level education is not guarantee of success, it still serves as the most significant element on one's way to excellence.

First, it is universally acknowledged that colleges and universities are the best places for people to learn all kinds of knowledge of varied areas, which is essential if you want to be successful in a certain field. It is true that in a modern society people can easily get access to huge amount of information with the help of mass media and Internet, but without the guidelines and suggestions of an experienced professor, how can you tell the tiny difference between each complicated academic terms? And how do you know if you won't make any mistakes when applying it to the real life? Take myself for example, I once thought the economic term of "opportunity cost" to be "the money that are likely to be spent" because I misunderstood it by its literal meaning. Not until I took the microeconomics course in the university did I understand its real meaning, which means "the potential income that are lost when you make a choice." Also, what I mean by "learn" represents not only the learning of knowledge itself, but also obtaining the way of learning and thinking, an important ability to help you continue absorbing knowledge after leaving the university.

Acquiring knowledge is only part of the important aspects, another beauty of university education is that it offers a great chance for young people to develop some crucial personalities which they might not be able to develop elsewhere, such as independency, cooperation and tolerance. For most young people, attending the university is the first time when they leave their parents and hometown for a long time. During these years, they, like or dislike, share the dorm or apartment with other roommates, prepare for presentations in a study group and suffer the inconvenience and fear of living in a totally new environment. However, all these struggles and pains will finally benefit them by helping them form healthy and strong personal characters. These characters are apparently essential if you want to be successful in the future.  


In conclusion, university education is the fertile soil for the evergreen tree of success. Study in the university will not only improve your knowledge of profession, but also lead colours to your personality.

yichengfanUID: 2608182

呵呵，第一次来这，请多指教^^   先在此谢过~~~
下面是我的作文：
tipic: whether computers make life easier or complex?
Just think about the computer which is prevailing currently, whether it has made life easier and more convenient or more complex and stressful? Some people hold the opinion that it is disadvantageous for people to rely heavily on computers for the reasons that too much inaccurate information probably gets people confused and high doses of radiation from computer screens cast harmful effects on users; however, people in majority claim that it is the computer that bring people much convenience, including me.

Among various reasons why computers have made life easy and convenient is that it is more beneficial for people to search information and gain knowledge. It is no exaggeration to say, for most people, a wide range of knowledge such as historical, psychological principles and theories, directly or indirectly, owes a large debt to utilizing computers. On account of the computer and the internet, a byproduct of which, people have an excellent chance to get whatever information they want by scanning websites and scholars’ blogs. Opposed to those who waste time in looking for a certain book from numerous references in a library, people who make full use of their computers or laptops are to find it effective and efficient to reach the same target. My cousin mike, who is now a partner in a law firm, used to bringing his laptop with him everywhere and searching each and every kind of resouces from the internet. For him, it is the computer that enables him to achieve the goal and make accomplishment in the minimum time consumption. consequently, along with the computer, people are more likely to, within a relatively short time, gain knowledge and information.

Another equally meaningful point is that more possibilities and opportunities for communication among people are coincident with computers. Nobody could have failed to notice the fact that the interpersonal relationship and communication , to a large extent, play an essential role in everyone’s life. owing to the computer, people are in an ideal environment to achieve the goal that to establish and maintain valuable contact with such important person as friends, relatives, colleagues, and customers. Through emails and chat tools like MSN, people are to make communication with anyone they would like to, no matter how far distant land they are in. As a result, they can doubtlessly build up strong and stable relationships and open up communication with those people, which serve to develop a solid base for their future both professionally and personally. In addition, provided that owning and using a computer, hardly will people find no topic to talk about with others. They can even attach their favorite music or picture to the email thus express themselves and share which with friends. Hence, computers do not weaken or limit communication, rather, virtually they contribute substantially to communication.

From what has been discussed above, despite a couple of slight defects that some people concern about, the advantages of computers far outweigh the disadvantages of which. With the computer, not only can contemporary people search information and resources efficiently but also open up communication. Then, why not say that computers have made life easier and more convenient?

goafterdreamUID: 2215745

感觉楼长经常改作文一定很纠结了，不过不好意思，我6.7考试，现在作文上一直不好突破。大家都用模板，但是我不大会用，总觉得不同文章在表达的时候有不同的需要，模板用上去就生硬。唉，所以现在时间是个大问题，内容也写得不好。请百忙中不吝赐教，多谢了！
Do you agree or disagree the following statement? Grades encourage students to learn.

When you were a student did you ever have the experience that when the results of a test came out, students get together talking about it? Well, I do. When I was in school, the high score is my goal and what I kept on chasing. Maybe you think this point of view is a bit superficial, however, it is true that it is grades encourage students to learn.

It is an application of psychology in the real life. Students are too young to know the true meaning of study. When we were young we did not know why we should go to school everyday and what the things that we learned for are. The only thing that we did know is that if we bring a beautiful score home we would be rewarded. The world of children is just this simple. Do you still remember that when we were in the kindergarten if we were good, we would be given a paper red flower or a flat or something like that? Those things played the same role as grads do, which encourage the students to do what they are supposed to do. This opinion can also explain why good students do better and better, while bad students do worse and worse. Good student, here we mean the students who do well in their classes, once gain the reward for their hard working-- the grades, they feel like what they did is just worthy. So they keep on chasing them. For the students who did not do very well at the very beginning, things reverse.

It also shows the competition form of the society. Good grades lead to brighter future. As students grown up, they can not be fool out by given a simple reward like child. They have their own thought about the future. They want to become doctors, scientist, lawyer and so on. They begin to realize that they need to go to the university or college to come true their dreams. To get great grades seems to be the only way leads to them. My cousin Luke succeeds in applying the university that he has been dreamed about for the reason that he got A plus in all his classes. But he told me that he actually hates some of the classes, they are so boring. However he does need them to apply the university, he has to work hard on them. Although the purpose of his study is not that good, the results are welcomed.

However, some people argue that people should never study just for marks, they should love the knowledge involved in the subjects.  I strongly agree with this opinion, but most times it is just a wish that can hardly been come true in the real life. People have feelings. We can push someone to do something but we can not push him to love something.

Grades encourage students to learn just like money encourages people to work. It is a quite reasonable statement that can not only find reasons in psychological of human beings but also in the discipline of the society.

no1piggeeUID: 2504993

这篇文章感觉不太好，但是又想不到更好的了，麻烦版上各位提提意见帮忙修改一下。多谢多谢！

“When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.


Some people view that success is because of hard work, and luck has nothing to do with success. But I do not advocate it. Though not denying the fact that success depends on hard work, I am wondering that if luck has nothing to do with success. Most of us may be confronted with the situation as follows： Jack is studying much harder than Tom, and does it mean that Jack will definitely get a higher score? Perhaps it dose not.

We can work as hard as some other people, but why cannot we be as successful as them? Believe it or not, luck is one of the indispensable factors. We know that many athletes who were talented enough and worked hard never got a gold medal. Why? That is because that to some extent, they are not as lucky as the winners.

Luck is kind of unequal. It just accounts for the number of successes not equaling the number of hard workers. Imagine that a businessman is clever, full of commercial sense and, most critical, industrious. Unfortunately, he met with the Depression, and he was bankrupt. So an unlucky person, no matter how diligent he is, still can not change his fate.

Unwillingly to admit, the same chance does not occur to everyone. Someone is born with beauty, health, and even wealth, whereas some children in developing countries are born with hunger, disasters and disability maybe. Don’t the later work as hard as the former? Certainly not. They cannot enjoy equal lives, education and many physical things. Who is to be blamed? I would rather to suppose they are not lucky enough.

When people say luck has nothing to do with success, I doubt it is not their intention to deny existence of luck, but to encourage themselves. Because luck actually is the very factor that one can not and should not count on, even though we know people who have succeeded have their own luck. Never will we know where and when it exits.

Apparently, among the factors which consist of success, working hard is the most vital one. At the same time, we cannot ignore other ones like luck. Nothing is unconditional, and it means that we are not supposed to deny the important effect of luck definitely. In brief, working hard is not the only one way leading to success.

hecate63UID: 2634200

你这个也太强了~~
话说首先我不可能全天都把时间放在英语上，其次我没有这么大的毅力。
又话说，之前NNNNN久懒散惯了，一下子叫我怎么怎集中精神也是难以做到的。
总之我就是很悲情的每天看那么一点，唉，我已经准备再考一次了。。。

goblinmeUID: 2608726

啊啊  我有一篇文章也求修改啊
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... 6amp%3Btypeid%3D242