20天托福110分复习计划，由于另一个帖子楼数太高，现在本帖也开始为各位改作文

阿泰UID: 209473

:curse:翠花你经验帖呢！

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

337# cuteberry 跑题的问题也不轻，人家问你“是否应该把宠物当做自己的家人……”这个题目和宠物爱生病有什么联系？难道容易生病的东西我们都应该当成自己的家人么？另外，第一段写的太模糊……动物是我们的朋友，有些动物对人类很忠诚，这就完了……但后加上一个例子，虽然离子能使文章增色不少，但是你的基本理论也是必不可少的。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

339# perception 改了4篇作文，第一篇第一段没有跑题的……但是你的第一段还可以完善一下，人们现在比以前独立，到底为什么独立，最好能用一句话写一下，比如通信系统的快速发展等等。总体来讲你的文章写的还可以，但是得分不会太高，虽然没有跑题，但是你的文章写的没有精神，不能给我留下印象，议论的都比较泛一些，没有抓住题目的本质。比如这篇文章，如果你能从反面写，可能效果会更好，比如你可以对比一下现代通讯所带来的影响和原始通讯“面对面对话”的优势。这样能使你的文章更有立体感，而不是去谈血缘关系这种既大又泛的论点。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

340# lhddl 首先，这个不是论文……你的文章太长了，我看第一眼就奔震撼了，然后是深深地“恶心”……当然，通读完你的文章，你的写作水平是挺不错的，文章的构架也很好，但就是太啰嗦了，一个托福考官可能一天要改好多的作文，如果你是托福考官，两个人的水平相同的情况下，你是喜欢简洁一些的还是喜欢那种萝莉啰唆的？相信你会选择前者。所以，尽量尝试删去一些文章中不是很重要的例子和段子。我最初写作文的时候也有这种感觉，感觉我有好多例子，每个都很好，都不像丢掉，结果越写越多，尝试去克服以下这种感觉，你的作文去的很大的进步。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

341# MARC09 第一段写的不错，直入中心，又有反面的观点，赞一个。你的文章结尾有待改进，既然你的文章在第一段已略微阐述了读书的好处，而你的文章又是完全的支持实践的，所以你在尾端就不需要去过多的夸奖阅读的重要性，会给人一种你取舍不定的感觉。

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

343# chineselady 这一段太忙，抽时间就陪老婆了。哈啊哈

腾格里旅狼UID: 2573178

346# 阿泰 好长时间不见了哈，阿泰。

阿泰UID: 209473

是啊，狼版，快毕业事也挺多的吧

阿泰UID: 209473

答辩顺利呗

jean1280UID: 2531442

谢谢你用宝贵的时间看我的作文，而且评论的很认真。。。。。
但是文章是说are the best ways....没说the best way啊。。。我说了三个还是算跑题吗帅哥?
再次严重地感谢！！！

perceptionUID: 2299669

348# 腾格里旅狼

谢谢腾格里旅狼还记得我以前的作文，我本来的风格是开头写点别人的观点，然后我来逐一反面论述的，现在看来有点拖沓。
我发现您的经验是首段要开门见山说清楚，而且得具体，也不宜先来个according my experience啥啥,然后理由留着后面慢慢说，呵呵。

plato_ceoUID: 2605705

意志坚定

perceptionUID: 2299669

继续请教中。。谢谢。

Do you agree that now it is easier than before to be successful?

        We now live in a world which is quite different from the one in the past. From my point of view, two significant positive factors help us to successfully achieve our goals more easily than before.

        First of all, advanced science and technology provide individuals with more powerful tools to successfully handle various kinds of difficult problems. Biologist can use improved microscope to observe tinier things and have more surprising discoveries. Doctors can successfully cure some once fatal diseases with the help of refined diagnosis instruments and better medicine. Many delicate operations now can also be performed by the surgeons with less risk. We students also can carry out our research more successfully. In the past, to collect relevant published papers about a particular topic is a difficult mission which requires high-level skill. Many students failed in their research attempts just because of the lack of materials. However, nearly all the papers ever published can be downloaded from certain databases without much trouble, hence we can pay more attention to the research itself and achieve better results.

        What’s more, since there are now more interactions and communication between the people, we could collaborate more easily and more frequently to successfully accomplish numerous considerable complex missions that can’t be done by just one or several persons. Many major scientific breakthroughs are made possible by the group efforts of scientists scattered in different countries and different labs. When a brand new epidemic such as flu breaks out suddenly, a global effort can be organized efficiently in a relatively short time to find a valid way to control its spread. This factor is of even significant implications for us. Because of such possibility of sharing the wisdom around the world, many surveys show that people in general are also more confident to face the unpredictable challenges in the future.  

        In short, we now live in a world people could successful do much more things than before. With the advanced instruments available, individuals have enhanced strength to solve more problems with comparative ease. With more intercourse between the people, human as a whole could successfully finish even greater tasks.

chineseladyUID: 2403976

阿泰阴魂不散:dizzy: :sleepy: 346# 阿泰

FFtserAphUID: 2641938

请赐教
Do you agree or not that the extended family (grandparents, cousins, uncles and antes) becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

字数：434

During our life, so many problems are worth considering carefully. As what has been come up, recently the issue has been brought into focus that whether extended family becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past. Some hold the view that this announcement is true, while the others believe that it is not. However, with all aspects carefully considered, I believe that extended family indeed becomes less important nowadays.

When talked with extended family, it is always connected with past decades. For instance, equipped with unadvanced technology and inconvenient transportation tools, in the rural area, with the help of relatives, people could have more labors to harvest plants and finish other agriculture tasks. Besides, while in the city with immature service industry, parents need grandparents to take care of their little baby when they are working in the day. However, these concerns are not exist anymore nowadays. Farmers could hire agriculture machines to complete all the tasks that need to be done artificially in the past. The little baby could be sent to the nursery school, and the school teachers can handle everything that parents had to concern before. With the development of science and technology, the extended family members are less helpful to each other, which demonstrate that the extended family is not necessary anymore.

Another equally important aspect is that relatives are separated apart further that ever before because of the high mobility. It is not surprising that yesterday a person was spending spare time in Beijing with his or her best friends and today he or she is attending an important business meeting in New York, which is unimaginable and impossible in the past. Due to popularize of modern transportation tools, human's mobility is greatly elevated. No wonder family members living and working in a wide range of provinces or states, even several different countries,which makes extended family less possible.

Besides, other reasons are quick pace of working and studying, smaller living space, etc. Quick pacing makes us less occupied in communication, sharing feeling with family members. While smaller living spacing restricts that the big family unions have to be hold outside home, we could not enjoy the happiness when cooked together. Admittedly, thesefacts reduced the affection between relatives and reduced importance of the extended family.

I do not deny that extended family has its own advantages, when family members gathering together to enjoy a delicious dinner and chatting with each other, it is quite warming. But, limited by the facts, we had to knowledge that extended family becomes less important than it was in the past.

使劲拍砖 ^_^