【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月12日作业 by 达达

达达摩摩UID：2499908

12.12日作业：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People will spend less time in cooking or preparing food in twenty years than nowadays.  （07.11.24）


       There is a public debate that more and more people will spend less time in cooking in twenty years later. With the rapidly development society , an increasing number of people are busy with their working and ignore family ,free time , vacation etc. All of us are faced with many new opportunities and challenges .So they do not have enough time to cooking and preparing food. There are several reasons for my idea.

       Generally speaking, Abraham Lincoln said “I will prepare and some day my chance will come ” . More and more pressure in our life in the future, such as work pressure, study pressure life pressure and so on. In the future we will be
busier than recent years. For example , my friend Kate , she works in multinational , there are so many work to do , so she has to work hard late at night . She has few free time of her own. In short, even though there are many different views concerning this topic, in my opinion, I also would like to vote for in twenty years, people will not lead more time to cooking.

      Another reason of my propensity for people wills not a more leisure is that with the continuous social progress, we will study more and more knowledge and technical to equip them. For this, we will have few times to free. Myself. I am a fitness coach, in the fitness club, to learn more about the dance for some members' need. I have to spend my leisure time to learn more dance and fitness knowledge. So I have not any time to free .So, as for as I am concerned, in twenty years, people will not lead a leisure time is a wise choice.

     In conclusion , from my point of view, the ample points is leading to a definite answer that people will not  lead a more leisure life in twenty years in cooking I agree that there may be a couple of defects of my standpoint; I believe that the reasonable parts of it far outweigh them.

泡面UID：2513568

There is a public debate that more and more people will spend less time in cooking in twenty years later. With the rapidly development (of the) society, an increasing number of people are busy with their working and ignore family, free time, vacation etc. All of us are faced with many new opportunities and challenges .So they do not have enough time to cooking and preparing (cook and prepare) food. There are several reasons for my idea.

Generally speaking, Abraham Lincoln said “I will prepare and some day my chance will come”. More and more pressure (will be presented) in our life in the future, such as work pressure, study pressure, life pressure and so on. In the future we will be busier than recent years (nowadays). For example , my friend Kate , she works in multinational (company) , there are so many (much) work to do , so she has to work hard late at night . She has few free time of her own. In short, even though there are many different views concerning this topic, in my opinion, I also would like to vote for in twenty years, people will not lead more time to cooking. (中间应该加一句总结的话，正因为很大压力，所以没时间做饭)

Another reason of my propensity for people wills not a more leisure is that with the continuous social progress,（这句话结构有点乱，没看明白） we will study more and more knowledge and technical to equip them. For this, we will have few times （time） to free. Myself. I am a fitness coach, in the fitness club, to learn more about the dance for some members' need. I have to spend my leisure time to learn more dance and fitness knowledge. So I have not any time to free (for free).So, as for as I am concerned, in twenty years, people will not lead a leisure time is a wise choice. (最后一句不切题啊，而且这段例子论证的不太对啊感觉……)


In conclusion , from my point of view, the ample points is （are） leading to a definite answer that people will not  lead a more leisure life in twenty years in cooking (后面应该断句断开了吧？)I agree that there may be a couple of defects of my standpoint; I believe that the reasonable parts of it far outweigh them.（最后一句最好不要吧，有点没底气的感觉）

1，          文章结构清晰，观点明确
2，         例证不够充实，不太够说服力,而且两个论点有点相似，最好是可以再加个不同的论点，可以多写点
3，         语言感觉有点不太连贯，有点牵强，多读点范文

[ 本帖最后由 泡面 于 2008-12-12 22:38 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

There is a public debate that more and more people will spend less time in cooking in twenty years later. With the rapidly developing society , an increasing number of people are busy with their working and ignoring their families , free time, vacations etc. All of us are faced with many new opportunities and challenges. So (正式写作不要用and, but, so起句子。用Therefore) they (Who? 怎么一会儿我们一会儿他们，到底谁呀?) do not have enough time to cooking and prepare food. There are several reasons for my idea.

Generally speaking, Abraham Lincoln said “I will prepare and some day my chance will come ”. (这句话和煮饭有什么关系??? Plus, if you are quoting a specific person, it can't be 'generally speaking' any more.) There'll be More and more pressure in our lives in the future, such as work pressure from work (后面以此类推), study pressure, life pressure (This is too vague. Doesn't 'life pressure' include 'work pressure' and 'study pressure' already?) and so on. In the future we will be busier than in recent years. For example , my friend Kate  - she works in a multinational company. There are so many much work to do , so she has to work hard and late at night . She has few little free time of her own. (这个例子和煮饭又有什么关系呢? 说来说去例子里也没说到煮饭啥事儿啊~)In short, even though there are many different views concerning this topic, in my opinion, I also would like to vote for the opinion that in twenty years, people will not lead spend more time to cooking.

Another reason of my propensity for people wills not having a more leisure time (For cooking? For something else? 'Leisure time' can mean so many things - and cooking is not necessarily a 'leisure time' activity.) is that with the continuous social progress, we will study more and more knowledge and technicsal to equip them (Who? 又是一会儿我们一会儿他们的..到底谁呀??). For this, we will have few little free times to free. Myself. I am a fitness coach myself. In the fitness club, to learn more about the dance (What dance?) for some members' need, I have to spend my leisure time to learn more about dance and fitness knowledge (You can 'gain' knowledge or 'learn ' a subject, but you don't 'learn' knowledge.), so I have not any free time to free .So, as for as I am concerned, in twenty years, people will not lead a leisure time is a wise choice (完全不通的一句..问题是问你为什么你觉得二十年后人们会/不会花更少时间在做饭上，不是问你哪一个是正确选项..).

In conclusion, from my point of view, the ample points is are leading to a definite answer that people will not  lead a more leisure life (你这种把煮饭等同于闲暇时间活动的概念是哪儿得来的呢?..也不明白你为什么会这么笃定地觉得谁要是花时间煮饭就说明他生活很悠闲，以至于第二个论点完全跑题去说闲暇时间而不是说煮饭..Again, spending time in cooking is not necessarily a 'leisure' activity. For example, housewives cook because it's part of their job as housewives.) in twenty years in cooking. I agree that there may be a couple of defects of my standpoint; I believe that the reasonable parts of it far outweigh them. (不要在总结段提出新的东西。如果你要谈反方面的论点，在总结段之前新开一段，不要在总结段里掺合 - 总结就是总结，不要给人 其实这个问题还有些探讨空间但是我没空说了 的感觉。)

总结：

你的语法很有问题。。突出体现在因为句子不完整、词性混乱、断句混乱或者指代混乱而造成话根本说不清楚。像have few times to free这种几乎所有的关键词用法都错而且不地道得很让人怀疑是直接中翻英的片断请多加留心。。

文章结构是好的，需要注意一下总结段的写法，可以参考些范文。另外论证不要跑题 - 问题是关于煮饭的时间，不应该扯到leisure time上去，因为煮饭和leisure没有必然联系。

jackallen0714UID：2510951

额，楼上有牛人改了，我就只能提点小修改意见了
There is a public debate that more and more people will spend less time in cooking in twenty years later. With the rapidly development society , an increasing number of people are busy with their working and ignore family ,free time , vacation etc. All of us are faced with many new opportunities and challenges .So they do not have enough time to cooking and preparing food. There are several reasons for my idea.

       Generally speaking, Abraham Lincoln said “I will prepare and some day my chance will come ” . More and more pressure in our life in the future, such as work pressure, study pressure life pressure and so on. In the future we will be busier than recent years. For example , my friend Kate , she works in multinational , there are so many work to do , so she has to work hard late at night . She has few free time of her own. In short, even though there are many different views concerning this topic, in my opinion, I also would like to vote for in twenty years, people will not lead more time to cooking.人们工作很忙能支配给家庭的时间很少，故而在准备和烹饪食物上也很随意和匆忙，以往要一个小时5个菜，如今缩减到半小时2个菜，所以时间少了（其实这个例子也很牵强）

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      Another reason of my propensity for people wills not a more leisure is that with the continuous social progress, we will study more and more knowledge and technical to equip them. For this, we will have few times to free. Myself. I am a fitness coach, in the fitness club, to learn more about the dance for some members' need. I have to spend my leisure time to learn more dance and fitness knowledge. So I have not any time to free .So, as for as I am concerned, in twenty years, people will not lead a leisure time is a wise choice.
这段确实偏的厉害……不知为什么跑到wise choice去了

     In conclusion , from my point of view, the ample points is leading to a definite answer that people will not  lead a more leisure life in twenty years in cooking I agree that there may be a couple of defects of my standpoint; I believe that the reasonable parts of it far outweigh them.