Argument131【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第二次作业 by goingeast

goingeastUID: 2439824

字数【316】 还是语法不行，然后这篇开头套下模板，反正还是请很拍吧！:handshake

The author recommends that the best way to restore Tria’s fish population and to protect all Tria’s marine wildlife is to band regulation and adopt those of Omni. To support this recommendation the author cites a fish population report of Omni. On the basis of this report the author implies that the declining of fish population is caused by overfishing, Apparently, This argument is logically flawed in several critical respects.

For one thing, the author assumes that fishing is not banned will lead to overfishing, which is unacceptable, Moreover, the author’s reason linking the declining of fish population with overfishing is also unfounded. Admittly, overfishing can make fish population decreased in number, but marine pollution, changes of ocean current and the shoal migration, which can influence fish population sharply sometime. Therefore, author’s conclusion is weak without the evidence to explain why the fish population is declining.

For another, the author thinks the all condition between Tria an Omni is same, ignoring the distinction between them. Common sense tells us things all have their unique character, Mechanical imitation used to be not worth the candle. As we say above, multiple factors can make difference, such as environment of ocean, minor regulations. Accordingly, to adapt the regulation of Omni is presumptuous.

In addition, this argument looks over that alternative means of restoring fish population are available. It is highly possible that means other than this would be more effective to solve the problem. For example, we can use the technology of artificial breeding. Without considering and ruling out these and other alternative means, the author cannot confidently conclude the best way is to adapt the Omni’s regulation.

For the reasons given above, I feel that the author should do more research about the reason of fish declining, there is no easy approach to the problem of fish population decreasing, but relieve pollution and restrain fishing should be useful.

[ 本帖最后由 goingeast 于 2008-12-29 10:23 编辑 ]

roinyouUID: 2447501

这篇文章总体结构明确，如果推理的关系再提高些可能就更好了。第三个理由，最好能够指出并怀疑作者的recommendation能否可以得到所声明的restore的作用。你提出他没有考虑其他方法，但是也不能指出他的方法是不妥的，所以最好做些改进。纯属个人想法，提供大家交流。

The author recommends that the best way to restore Tria’s fish population and to protect all Tria’s marine wildlife is to band regulation and adopt those(使用代词不合适) of Omni. To support this recommendation the author cites a fish population report of Omni. On the basis of this report the author implies that the declining of fish population is caused by overfishing, Apparently, This argument is logically flawed in several critical respects.

For one thing, the author assumes that fishing is(删除is) not banned will lead to overfishing, which is unacceptable,（这里句子结束了？） Moreover, the author’s reason linking the declining of fish population with overfishing is also unfounded. Admittedly, overfishing can make fish population decreased in number, but marine pollution, changes of ocean current and the shoal migration, which can influence fish population sharply sometime. Therefore, author’s conclusion is weak without the evidence to explain why the fish population is declining.

For another, the author thinks the all condition between Tria an Omni is same, ignoring the distinction between them. Common sense tells us things all have their unique character, Mechanical imitation used to be not worth the candle. As we say above, multiple factors can make difference, such as environment of ocean, minor regulations. Accordingly, to adapt the regulation of Omni is presumptuous.

In addition, this argument looks over that alternative means of restoring fish population are available. It is highly possible that means other than this would be more effective to solve the problem. For example, we can use the technology of artificial breeding. Without considering and ruling out these and other alternative means, the author cannot confidently conclude the best way is to adapt the Omni’s regulation.

For the reasons given above, I feel that （语气有些弱）the author should do more research about the reason of fish declining, there is no easy approach to the problem of fish population decreasing, but relieve pollution and restrain fishing should be useful.