Argument35【0906G 文以载道三月四月作文小组】第一周第二作业 on maomao112

ConceptalUID: 2590019

Argument35
The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.
"Salicylates（水杨酸脂） are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives（食品香料） for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
水杨酸酯和用来治疗头痛的药物--阿司匹林是同一类化合物。尽管很多食品天然富含水杨酸酯，过去几十年中食品加工公司仍然在食品中加入它来作为防腐剂。这种水杨酸酯在商业上的使用被发现与我们为期20年研究的参加者所报告的头痛发病的平均数量下降是相关的。最近，食品加工公司发现水杨酸酯也可以被用作食品香料。根据这种水杨酸酯的新用途，我们可以预期Mentia居民患头痛症的数量将会持续稳步下降。



【提纲】
1 论断的前提是S能治疗或降低头疼。但是论者并没有提供有关的科学研究以证明S具有这样的作用。虽然论者说S与阿斯匹林同属一个化学家庭，但这只能说明他们的化学结构相近，并不能保证必然具有与阿斯匹林一样的作用。

2 论断引用一份二十年的研究，这份研究说在S被食品商用于防腐剂的年代里，研究中报告头疼的人少了。他没能排除其他因素导致头疼下降的可能，比如医学发达，环境质量好了，人们生活规律了等等。这都不能说明S的食用降低了头疼的发生。

3 另外如果S对头疼有作用，是否是越多越好，论断也没有给出依据。(这一点也许换个角度说更好，因为文中并没有提出更多的应用salicylate，只是说有一种新的用法，但是这种新的用法是否能够促进更多人或更大量的使用salicylate，作者没有予以说明，可能随着健康饮食观点的深入人心，更多人不会使用含有香料的食品，从而导致salicylate使用量的下降也说不定。)

4 如果时间够的话，还可以再加些别的小因素，例如实验的背景、头痛成因等方面来进行反驳。



【正文】
In this argument, the author concludes that eating the food with salicylates as flavor additives can cause a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia. At first glance, the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing. (不错的用词) However, we may find it unconvincing after clearly examining the author’s reasoning. (原句挺好的，我只是换了下顺序，感觉顺点。) The argument contains several facets that are questionable. (写的很好~~)

First of all, the author’s evidences are insufficient to support the conclusion. Obviously, author does not provide enough information on the subjects. Although salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches, salicylates and aspirin may not play the same role in treating headaches. This evidence is just proved that salicylates and aspirin have the similar chemical structures. Therefore the author should provide more information about the salicylates, especially the value of the treatment of the headaches.

Secondly, the author cites a twenty-year study in which the rise in the commercial use of salicylates as preservatives has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants. However, the author does not consider other reasons. Perhaps with the development of the medical technology, people would be healthier than before. Perhaps at present, the environment becomes growing (growingly 或者去掉) better. Or perhaps people have a more (因为前面都有比较，这个也采用比较级，也许会更好) routine life now. Maybe because of the reasons described above rather than eating salicylates food, the number of headaches could have a steady decline. Without considering and ruling out these and other factors, the author cannot confidently recommend that there is a relationship between a steady decline in the average number of headaches and the rise in the commercial use of salicylates in food.

Last but not least, even if salicylates have a beneficial function to relieve the headache, is eating more salicylates a better or more effective way to relieve the headache? (whether似乎不能直接这样用，所以改成一般疑问句)The answer is not definite. Moreover, the author does not offer any evidences to support this view. Therefore, the rise in the commercial use of salicylates is not the reason for the decline of the headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. On contrary, eating many salicylates may be bad for the residents’ health.In sum, the conclusion lacks of credibility. Regardless of who the author is, he or she has overlooked or chosen to ignore many aspects of his or her conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidences which could bolster his or her views.  At the same time, the author should rule out(这个词很棒) other above-mentioned possibilities.

------------------------------------

不错的文章，结构清晰，语言简练，我要好好向你学习啊~~

maomao112UID: 2548513

我由于没有按时交作业所以写得很匆忙，你说比较好的地方都是从模板抄的，我的文章比较烂以后你改的时候请多包涵呀！:)

ConceptalUID: 2590019

大家相互学习:handshake :loveliness:

maomao112UID: 2548513

Thanks conceptal
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1