Argument53【0906G 文以载道三月四月作文小组】第2周第2作业 on ph粉丝

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In this argument, the writer’s conclusion that … is based on the research of only 25 infants｛the writer's conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life on the research of only 25 distressed infants, ｝which is not a large enough sample. So, in my opinion, the conclusion is ungrounded. (你的原句没有错误，可是我觉得一句话下来的话有点绕，比较难懂点)

  First, as mentioned before, the situation of the only 25 infants in the study is insufficient to demonstrate the whole infants. Writer should observe more cases and do further research to come to his conclusion that the part of infants will represent the whole infants.

  Second, the argument lacks certain relationship between the increasing secretion of melatonin and the early autumn. The writer bases on the reason that because the daylight’s decreasing, the melatonin of mother which thought to affect some brain functions increase.(你的这一原句中有在时态上有个错误，你可以和你的原文对照下) The conclusion that  early autumn equals to the decreased daylight is unwarranted.（我个人认为早秋时melatonin随着阳光减少而分泌增多是一个事实） If the writer doesn't give me more details about this, I will not be convinced.

  Third, even if there is increasing in production of melation（the melatonin in mother）, how does it shape the disposition of the infants? I can only know from the argument that the melatonin may affect some brain functions, but whether it will make infants be distressed is not clear. The arguer should demonstrate more reasonable evidence.

  Finally, the fact that more than half of these children who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy when they had become teenagers doesn’t mean that all the distressed infants will definitely grow to shy teenagers. The environment in later life is more important in determining one’s characteristic. In this point, there is no certain relationship between the increasing of melatonin and the later life shyness.

  In sum, there is no data available to convince us that the increased levels of melatonin in mother make the children shy and the shyness last for the later life. More practices and researches should be done.

你的文章写的很不错了，很清爽，条理性也很强，偶尔会有点语法或者时态上的小错误，以后多多注意这些方面吧。我的水平只能到此了，呵呵~