Issue130【0906G 文以载道三月四月作文小组】第2周第3作业 on mingzi12390

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The speaker asserts that children’s socialization determines the social destiny. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that children is the future master of the society, and that teaching them the way to communicate with the peers can make them better to adapt the social environment. However, the speaker overlooks other factors, which play important roles in the children’s future, such as moral standard, originality and humanities, which should be also instilled into children. Considering the role of the government in the education involved, we indeed have not yet learned how to raise children to construct a better society. Admittedly, socialization can make children more easily to adapt the social environment. As we all know that not all children are so successful in the society when they become working adults, even, some become rejected by peers because of their aggressive, confrontational or behaviors. And eventually it has a terrible influence on their career, and their lives. An example, happened in China in 2002, can be aptly illustrated this view. A young boy ,come from a village far from big cities, felt very hard to communicate with his college mates and loneliness, so he killed six classmates due to his jealousy of their abilities to negotiate, compromise and make friends with others. What would happen if he was gotten attention to be trained in his childhood to share something, such as fruits\ toys\emotions with the peer, express the negative feelings when someone hurts him, and what will the result be? He will live a life full of confidence and create more wealth for our society, rather than feeling despair and killing others as a result. Therefore, it is vital for children to socialize when they are young and beneficial to our society when they become working adults. On the other hand, it is important not to take this assertion about the socialization of children too far. Too emphasis on socialization can lead child to be an enemy of our society. Consider the introvert for example. These children prefer thinking to outgoing. If we force them to communicate with others, they maybe feel frustrated because of their clumsy manners, and to the worse, they maybe feel hostile to the whole society. And even they become lairs that are harmful to our society. In fact, our society needs all kinds of persons that have various abilities. Persons that have high moral standards, whatever they have done, will be respected for us. Otherwise, the demagogue, whatever their social manners are sophisticated and how emotional their lectures, will not let our society prosperous. Hitler will be forsaken forever and Gandhi will be respected by us forever for his high moral standard. Therefore, children’s socialization is vital, but knowledge\ moral standards and the humanity are much more important for the progress of our society. Unfortunately, we still do not know how to raise our children to make our society “better”. Governments always make educational policies from current practical needs, not from children’s long-term development. One need looks no further than class-schedules in schooling. They put more emphasis on practical, short-term contents, such as verbal, maths, computers,etc, than arts and humanities. In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the key determinant is not socialization but rather some other factors-such as moral standard, humanities. And considering that the government, the determinacy of education’s policy, is always from the short-term interests and practical needs, indeed have we not learned how to develop children who can help bring about a better society.
个人觉得你这篇文章写的挺不错，至于词汇方面我并没有仔细去抠，因为我自己的词汇量其实是很贫乏的，所以有不少不认识的词，没有办法判断你用词的准确性。在文章的逻辑方面，我个人觉得你第一个举例貌似和你的结论之间有点突然，个人认为你应该对事例多进行分析之后再得出结论。其他的问题，除了在词汇和时态上的几个小错误的话，其他的就没什么了。