零散版友作文互改大贴

sagilarUID: 2475977

我来了 先谢谢102楼的leslin 帮我改的很认真， 建议很好，谢谢啦！！啦 啦 啦~~~~~~
我来占位改我们 120楼的ttstart

SSUE63 - "To truly understand your own culture-no matter how you define it-requires personal knowledge of at least one other culture, one that is distinctly different from your own."

The speaker believes that only through a distinctly different culture we can truly understand our own culture. I concede that at sometimes observing our culture from another angle helps us learn deeper. However, I disagree with the assertion from two aspects: the first one is that it is necessary for us to learn another cultures, the other one is based on my conclusion that there is no distinctly different between two kinds of cultures.

To begin with, observing our culture from other points might help provide different angles and objective observation of our own. For instance,(我喜欢用一写比较明显的段落语句) before compared with the oriental believes, especially the Chinese and Indian, the western people have found that their culture is relative exact logical to everything and extreme when come to the view of life and death. At the beginning of the culture research, Chinese scholars believe is controlled by Buddhism is a religion came from Indian, and then the religion was connected and fused with varies Chinese local culture, especially the Taoism and the Confucianism. （加了点论证）But, then by comparing to other society culture, Chinese scholars found that China is a country without really religions, just for the ultimate reason, the nation can accept varied kinds of ideas and become the only country which has been existing during the past five thousand years. As we discussed above, result of observe one's native culture by comparing and understand of other cultures.(其实语言很好的啦，不过我就是喜欢和上面一样用比较明显的段落连接词)
以印度和中国文化的分析，来写对于中国文化的更深刻的认识：觉得有几点不足,思路应该是这样：
1.       1.没有写之前对中国文化的理解
2.       2.对比了印度的文化后才知道，原来中国的文化是包容的文化，宽容到没有界限，没有界限之后也就可以说是没有了自己的文化（但是这样的观点我比较的难接受）

However, from my point of view, it is not the only way for us to understand our own culture, which is against with the speaker's. Before thousands years ago there is no relationship between different countries and cultures, however, if we infer the history from the author's logic it was impossible for Aristotle in Greek and Confucius in China to become such great scholars who have the deepest understand of their culture that even no one in the modern world can compared with. Comparing with other cultures is just one of varied ways, such as observing the compatriots, reading historic books or even just living in the environment, are all the good courses to understand our culture. Moreover, I believe that the culture is rooted in every detail of a community's life and language, ever if one could not describe his own culture in accurate and abstract words, he can also do everything according to the cultural system which has been printed in his mind and heart. Thus, most of the ordinary people in a certain community can understand their own culture at least in empirical ways.
对文化的理解不是非要从其他的文化中获取，为了论证作者举出：
1.       1.中德古代文化大师的诞生
2.       2.现代普通人在普通的日常生活中对文化的理解

As to my last view, I do not believe there two totally different cultures exist on the earth because the common natures spring from the soul of our human beings. No one would deny that an existing culture is pursuing the value of virtue, beauty, and truth. There is also a compelling evidence, it is the same way to pronounce motherin any countries and cultures, to sustain that common emotions, such as motherhood, exist in every racial humans. Even if these principles and emotions are the common pursuits of human kind cannot be proofed by science or even philosophy, most will agree that the principles are the foundation of a society and without them culture of a society will lose it basis to exist. Thus, I think it is unwarranted to assert that there are distinctly different cultures in our human societies.
其实世界上并没有向题目所说的那样的完全不同的2个文化，这个论点很不错，呵呵·

In conclusion, I fundamental disagree with the speaker. Comparing with other culture, through which our culture might be better understood, however, it is not the only way for us to learn the native culture which blood in our mind. Moreover, distinctly cultures do not exist because the some root of human nature.

先表扬下，要是自己写的话肯定不会那么好的啦
1.
思路清晰，段落层次很清楚，每段的最后都有做思想的总结
2.
有例子来支撑知道的论点
3.
我写作文的时候是不会有那么多的长句的（水平不够，呵呵），作者在用长句的时候可配合了很好的连接词
需要考虑下：

1.
还是长句啦，我觉得其中有的时候用的有点拖拉，看的有点累
没了~呵呵，加油～

sagilarUID: 2475977

我的issue 171. 先谢谢了 ！！
People who pursue their own intellectual interests for purely personal reasons are more likely to benefit the rest of the world than are people who try to act for the public good.

The author asserts that the individual who has his real interesting are more likely to benefit the people than who try to act for the public good. I agree with the assertion in some respects, yet I claim that individual interest and the hope to bring the benefit to the others are both important in the finally result.

When comes to the art area, I suggest the author's assertion is right that people who hold their real interest are more likely to benefit the world. Interests pay an important role in the art explanation, which is the moral of the art. For instance, Beethoven, the most famous musical man in human musical history, when he was a little boy, he pay much more interest in musical and the perception of musical performance. Thanks for the talent interest and his insistent in the music creative acting, we can enjoy the marvellous symphony NO.5, which is the milestone in the classical musical history. I think when he created his symphony just came from his insider heart, not the wish for happy other people. In a word, in some aspects, especially in the art realm, grate benefit often depend on the ingenious' unique interest and talent.

Moreover, when comes to the economical realm, I think both the interest and the idea for public good are both the most important respects to benefit the rest of the world. It's mostly impossible for individual to success in his interest are and as a result, he can accept the benefit from it and also he has the ability and potential opportunity to bring the wealth and good  to the rest of the public depend on the willing that acting for the public. The notable example is the most rich people Bill Gates, who is the founder of the Micro Soft world, which has the most profit and significant reputation over the computer area. Just account to the success of the Micro Soft and his father, we can use more effective computer, which cost our less money to pay for it now than ten years ago. Bill Gates has so many successful achievement and amounts of money just depended on this marvellous interested in the computer and his application. Yet, his most significant famous name relay on his fairy institution built for the poor and the ill children. So, we can see that purely personal reason and the act for the public good are both bring benefit the rest of the world.

However, when comes to other areas, especially the science, people not only need to have their real interest, but also have to have the willing to act for the public good to make some complete goal. There are so many evidences to show that the only purely interesting may be cause big mistake in human history, nor the benefit to the rest of the world. Take the using of gene technology for example, at the beginning of the study, scientist following their instinctive interest in the human being and their own study interesting. Since the development of the special science and some evil purpose of some government and business profits, the scientist study and operate the new technology in ethical enhancing and human race gene colon, which hammer the feeling of different countries and distort the human moral, furthermore the personal interest study will involve to the society chaos in human civilization and socialization history. In a short, the wish to act for the public good is the light leading the research to the right and healthy goal.

In sum, the personal interest has an unchanged role in some realm, especially in human art history. Yet the nice wish to act for the public good also has his significant role in benefiting others all over the world. We have to pay our attention in both areas, following our truly interesting to our job and wishing to benefit the others, which can correct our emotion and the ways of us behaves.

leslinUID: 2571497

占位改#123 Issue171

leslinUID: 2571497

185.”Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.”

According to the speaker, scandal may act as a kind of special siren that only activate for some special and uncommon events. Reasonable as it is, I can only agree with part of the speaker’s opinion. As for as I am concerned, it is appropriate to regard scandal as a local newspaper for those pedestrians, which cannot be treated too seriously.

Indeed, scandals, as a kind of informal information, may contain some clandestine information that can neither be announced by those public figures such as speakers and governors not be easily noticed and touched by our ordinary people. Sex, drugs, corruption, all these above are common visitors in scandal family. As information which is always forbidden and hidden, scandals are just like a silver mirror that will reveal one’s internal and unknown characters and reflect one’s mental reality. For instance, Hitler’s sex scandal, partly malfunction in sex, indirectly offered us the answer that where his trepidation derived from, which was noticeable in his decision-making to pass Rhineland unmilitary area the first time and his lack of confidence when attacking Great Britain.

However, while scandal can send us messages we do not notice, there still exists a fatal problem of it: partiality. As we all know, because of its suspecting path to gather information, scandals in most situations are like folklores or fairies that are both incompatible with or even betraying the truth. It is a dangerous symptom. Fictitious facts will mislead and disguise the public in great possibility and cause troubles which may be more severe than scandals themselves. For example, governments’ political or corrupt scandals may lead to strikes or commotions; scandals of a nation’s prince and the other’s princess may result in serious conflicts, or even wars. At the end, these consequences brought by scandals will damage the stability of a society, or worse, destroy it.

What’s more, even scandal is real, it is still unnecessary for us to pay too much heed to it. As we search the database of scandals, it can be seen that most scandals have little connection with their owners in which spheres those scandals lies. Like Bill Clinton, the ex-president of the United States, although he encountered many scandals about his marriage condition, yet they had nothing to do with his performance in politics, being respected by a lot of Americans as a brilliant president who made the United States more prosperous than before. And also Richard Nixon, another ex-president who enmeshed in Water Gate, regardless of his mistakes, was a qualified president. It can be concluded that the meaning of scandals is so limited that we can almost ignore it.

In a word, scandals are just a small piece of information in the world. A deluge of sources are available for us. And most other sources are more believable and useful than scandals. Therefore, scandals are just a secondary choice. That gives us abundant reasons to overlook them.

leslinUID: 2571497

171.People who pursue their own intellectual interests for purely personal reasons are more likely to benefit the rest of the world than are people who try to act for the public good.

The author asserts that the individual who has his[his就不用啦] real interesting[是interests...吧] are[is] more likely to benefit the people than who try to act for the public good. I agree with the assertion in some respects[别老用respect了，后面已经有了，换一个吧：aspects], yet I claim that individual interest and the hope to bring the benefit to the others are both important in the finally result.[应该说互不矛盾更好一点吧]

When comes to the art area, I suggest the author's assertion is right that people who hold their real interest are more likely to benefit the world. Interests pay[play] an important role in the art explanation, which is the moral[用core或者是spirit好点吧] of the art. For instance, Beethoven, the most famous musical man[musician] in human musical history[前面这句好像有语病吧], when he was a little boy, he pay much more interest in musical and the perception of musical performance[这句没太看懂，前面的musical修饰的是什么呢？]. Thanks for the talent interest and his insistent in the music creative acting, we can enjoy the marvellous symphony NO.5, which is the milestone in the classical musical history. I think when he created his symphony just came[删] from his insider heart[the bottom of his heart], not the wish for happy[catering] other people. In a word, in some aspects, especially in the art realm, grate[great] benefit often depends on the ingenious' unique interest and talent.

Moreover[Howbeit], when comes to the economical realm, I think both the interest and the idea for public good are both the most[both就不能用most了吧，删了] important respects to benefit the rest of the world. It's mostly impossible for individual to success in his interest are[删] and as a result, he can accept the benefit from it and also he has the ability and potential opportunity[应该改成“愿望”或“想法”好一点] to bring the wealth and good  to the rest of the public depend on the willing that acting for the public.[这句太乱了！老美看到会疯的！] The notable example is the most rich people Bill Gates, who is the founder of the Micro Soft world[删], which has[owns] the most profit[profits] and significant reputation over the computer area. Just account to the success of the Micro Soft and his father, we can use more effective computer, which cost our less money to pay for it now than ten years ago. Bill Gates has so many successful achievement and amounts of money just depended on this marvellous interested in the computer and his application. Yet, his most significant famous name relay on his fairy institution built for the poor and the ill children. So, we can see that purely personal reason and the act for the public good are both bring benefit the rest of the world.[个人观点：本题的意思应该是说个人兴趣和造福于大众同样重要，而这两点应该是在同一的方面上，就是说，Bill Gates发明个人计算机不仅是为了兴趣也是为了大众]

However, when comes to other areas, especially the science, people not only need to have their real interest, but also have to have the willing to act for the public good to make some complete goal. There are so many evidences to show that the only purely interesting may be cause big mistake in human history, nor the benefit to the rest of the world. Take the using of gene technology for example, at the beginning of the study, scientist following their instinctive interest in the human being and their own study interesting[interests]. Since the development of the special science and some evil purpose of some government and business profits, the scientists study and operate the new technology in ethical enhancing and human race gene colon, which hammer the feeling of different countries and distort the human moral, furthermore the personal interest study will involve to the society chaos in human civilization and socialization history. In a short, the wish to act for the public good is the light leading the research to the right and healthy goal.

In sum, the personal interest has an unchanged role in some realm, especially in human art history. Yet the nice wish to act for the public good also has his significant role in benefiting others all over the world. We have to pay our attention in both areas, following our truly interesting to our job and wishing to benefit the others, which can correct our emotion and the ways of us behaves.

总的来说，作者的思路很不错：分领域说明，是一个很棒的思路。
只是.....建议作者在斟酌一下语法吧。看起来实在有点累，长句子也不能一气都往上扔，稍微用一些就可以了，要不然老美也会受不了的。
加油啊！！！（倒数第二段基本也是属于我上面说的语法的问题，大概意思没问题，可以理解，只是表达上要在下点功夫喽）

leslinUID: 2571497

不要沉了呀:mad:

ttstartUID: 2593649

占位，该楼上的~

185.”Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.”

According to the speaker, scandal may act as a kind of special siren that only activate for some special and uncommon events. Reasonable as it is, I can only agree with part of the speaker’s opinion. As for（far？） as I am concerned, it is appropriate to regard scandal as a local newspaper for those pedestrians, which cannot be treated too seriously.（这句话不是很清楚诶~）


Indeed, scandals, as a kind of informal information, may contain some clandestine information， that can neither be announced by those public figures such as speakers and（nor） governors， not be easily noticed and touched by our ordinary people. Sex, drugs, corruption, all these above are common visitors in scandal family. As information which is always forbidden and hidden, scandals are just like a silver mirror that will reveal one’s internal and unknown characters and reflect one’s mental reality. （觉得这句的内容在断首提一下好些）For instance, Hitler’s sex scandal, partly malfunction in sex, indirectly offered us the answer that where his trepidation derived from, which was noticeable in his decision-making to pass Rhineland unmilitary area the first time and his lack of confidence when attacking Great Britain. （语言挺复杂的，但也有些晦涩）

However, while scandal can send us messages we do not notice, there still exists a fatal problem of it: partiality（partiality ？？不太合适吧？？是不是mislead的意思？）. As we all know, because of its suspecting path to gather information, scandals in most situations are like folklores or fairies that are both (both去掉)incompatible with or even betraying the truth. It is a dangerous symptom. Fictitious facts will mislead and disguise the public in great possibility and cause troubles which may be more severe than scandals themselves. For example, governments’ political or corrupt scandals may lead to strikes or commotions; scandals of a nation’s prince and the other’s princess may result in serious conflicts, or even wars. At the end, these consequences brought by scandals will damage the stability of a society, or worse, destroy it.

What’s more, even scandal is real, it is still unnecessary for us to pay too much heed to it. As we search the database of scandals, it can be seen that most scandals have little connection with their owners in which spheres those scandals lies. Like Bill Clinton, the ex-president of the United States, although he encountered many scandals about his marriage condition, yet they had nothing to do with his performance in politics, being respected by a lot of Americans as a brilliant president who made the United States more prosperous than before. And also Richard Nixon, another ex-president who enmeshed in Water Gate, regardless of his mistakes, was a qualified president. It can be concluded that the meaning of scandals is so limited that we can almost ignore it.

In a word, scandals are just a small piece of information in the world. A deluge of sources are available for us. And most other sources are more believable and useful than scandals. Therefore, scandals are just a secondary choice. That gives us abundant reasons to overlook them.
总体说来看的出作者有自己清晰的思路，但是这个思路在技术层面的操作上和a、题目b、作者自己在段首提出的观点 不太搭，
题目：Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful.----如果部分同意要每类提一下吧，如果完全反对就也至少带一下， They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.”----应该和speaker、reformer有点对比吧？
觉得这个思路是基本完全反对的样子，（因为个人认为 第一段论述的作用和Hitler’s sex scandal的例子对实际的意义也不大）但是开头给人的感觉是有条件的同意。
看得出作者在有意的使用一些长难句，但是挺会晦涩的，表达上意义也不太清楚（当然我对句子的理解力也有限，很多是结合上下文看懂的）在这点上我要和楼上的共勉（别人也是这么说我的~~~）
恩，就这些吧，有点少提些了，本来就是“拍”嘛~ 加油！！

ttstartUID: 2593649

我的argue， 狠狠狠狠拍啊~不要客气

题目：ARGUMENT209 - The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."


In the argument, the arguer recommends that the company should ask Rosa instead of Pad to be the leader o. To sustain the conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that the falling of the profits, and the increasing profits of SJ. The arguer also notes that the expecting profits will worth the twice salary of Rosa. At a first blush, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing, however, from a further logical perspective, it suffers from several logical flaws.

To begin with, the arguer's assumption, that the profits falling should be attribute to Pat, overlooks other factors contribute to the decreasing. There is possibility that the wholly economic environment is in a period of decreasing in the past three years. Or perhaps, there was another toy company established before three years and there was competition that has never occurred before. Thus, either scenarios, if true, will undermine the conclusion that Pat is not equal the position.

Even assuming that the profit decreasing is actually caused by Pat, the arguer's evidence that Rosa is better than Pat is doubtable. Firstly, there is no evidence can proof that the dramatic achievement of SJ should attribute to Rosa. We do not know when Rosa became the leader of SJ, if she joined SJ in last year, we can not own the achievement in the last seven years to her.

Even assuming it is Rose's outstanding ability help the dramatic increased profits, the auger also fails to consider the difference between Fancy, a toy company, and SJ, a Jewelry company. There are highly possibility that the difference, such as model of productive way, the aiming market, and the fund situation, leads that Rose can not do in FT as well as in SJ. Thus,

Even assuming Rose can do well in FT, the author also naive assumption that the profit will also dramatic increasing in the future. He fails to account to the different production of two companies. Perhaps, the profit of one jewel is more profitable than thousands toys’. He also overlooks the probability investment that Rosa used to FT’s revolution. Thus, it is too harshly for the arguer to come to the conclusion that the short term's profit will higher than the Pad's twice salary.

Finally, the arguer also fails to consider other persons, who might be better than Rosa for FT. And without comparing others from each aspect, such as work experience and background, the arguer cannot convincing me that Rosa is the best choice.

In sum, the arguer fails to sustain the conclusion. To make the argument sound and logical, the arguer has no choice but to provide more evidence that Pad is not equal to the leader, and the proof that Rosa is better and the best choice.

ttstartUID: 2593649

顶上去~

LizzytblUID: 2600929

占位，改ttstart的argu

In the argument, the arguer recommends that the company should ask Rosa instead of Pad to be the leader o. To sustain the conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that the falling of the profits, and the increasing profits of SJ. The arguer also notes that the expecting profits will worth the twice salary of Rosa. At a first blush, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing, however, from a further logical perspective (很重复，从逻辑角度发现逻辑问题 这句话不但很模版而且累赘，建议简化一点), it suffers from several logical flaws.

To begin with, the arguer's assumption,(逗号去掉) that the profits falling should be attributed to Pat, overlooking other factors contributed to the decreasing. There is (a) possibility that the wholly economic environment is stuck in a period of decreasing during the past three years (这个理由很牵强，整个经济环境坏，但珠宝公司不是照样盈利吗？). Or perhaps, there was another toy company established before three years and there was competition that has never occurred before.(这个也蛮牵强的吧，竞争应该是普遍存在的，珠宝公司应该也会遭遇竞争) Thus, either scenarios, if true, will undermine the conclusion that Pat is not equal the position.

Even assuming that the profit decreasing is actually caused by Pat, the arguer's evidence that Rosa is better than Pat is doubtable. Firstly, there is no evidence can proof (这是名词啊。。。这样的语法错误还是很多) that the dramatic achievement of SJ should attribute to Rosa. We do not know when Rosa became the leader of SJ, if she joined SJ in last year, we can not own (owe) the achievement in the last seven (题中好像说的是several吧) years to her.

Even assuming (这样完全重复的开头不知道范文中有没有，觉得有点怪) it is Rose's outstanding ability help the dramatic increase profits, the auger also fails to consider the difference between Fancy, a toy company, and SJ, a Jewelry company. There are highly possibilities that the differences in, such as (去掉) model of productive way (manufacture models) , aiming market, and the fund situation, will lead (to the result) that Rose can not do in FT as well as in SJ. (这句话要好好改改，还是不大通顺) Thus, (?)

Even assuming Rose can do well in FT, the author also naive（?）assumption that the profit will also dramaticly increasing in the future. He fails to account to the different production (products 更好一点吧) of (the) two companies. Perhaps, the profit of one jewel is more profitable (higher) than thousands (of) toys’. He also overlooks the probability(possible) investment that Rosa used to FT’s revolution. (这句的理由没看懂) Thus, it is too harshly for the arguer to come to the conclusion that the short term's profit will higher than the Pad's twice salary (自己改下语病吧，不过这个推理过程很牵强，我觉得用值得两倍工资更好一点吧，而不是短期利润高于两倍工资，而且题目中有说是短期利润吗？).

Finally(Additonally 因为最后还有一个in sum，这里用finally就怪了点), the arguer also fails to consider other persons, who might be better than Rosa for FT. And without comparing others from each aspect, such as work experience and background, the arguer cannot convincing me that Rosa is the best choice.

In sum, the arguer fails to sustain the conclusion. To make the argument sound and logical, the arguer has no choice but to provide more evidence that Pad is not equal to the leader, and the proof that Rosa is better and the best choice (other choices).

建议：作者用的一步步倒退的方法，理由都蛮精彩，除了个别牵强之外。 逻辑上应该是够了，但是语病还是太多啊~~~加油~~~

LizzytblUID: 2600929

再贴自己的：
TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 492          TIME: 3h             DATE: 2009-3-27 18:37:26
The speaker denied the functions of the critics and ascribed the lasting value of works of art all to their creators. In my opinion, however, the value of works of art will not last forever without the help of critics, and the society will beneifit from art only after the critics interpreted it.

Let's first consider what is the lasting value of art to society. Art, as an issue of great importance to society, aims at providing certain aesthetic sense and adding harmonious elements to people's lives. Meanwhile, it is created with a purpose to be valuable to generations but not only the tempory public, in order to be distinct from popular entertainment. Therefore, the artists exert various methods to make their works of eternal beauty, compatible with aesthetic views of many generations of the past or the future. Only when a sculpature is considered with enormous beauty from thousands years ago till now and even the future, making people all through the years pleasant, is it of lasting value to the society.

Nevertheless, a large number works are too abstract or obscure for people to understand and accordingly critics emerge serving as interpreters in another sense. They evaluate the works of art day and day, pass their interpretations down generation by generation, give people various angles to appreciate works of art and finally make the value of the works lasting. Or else, Picaso's famous picture is nothing more than a piece of paper,The Old Man and the Sea is nothing more than a tedious story, and Rodin's The Thinker is nothing more than a stone. When we feel astonished by these master pieces of art we are actually amazed at the meanings of them interpreted by the critics. Though the meanings of the works are innitiated by the artists, they are not accessable without the intepreters, in which case, the value of the works is missing.

Meanwhile, with the destruction of many important works of art, the value of such works will disappear if no comments or records are made by the critics.
Architectures of the old times, for example, no longer exist in the world but gain great fame for their grandeur, why? I think it may attribute to the critics at that time who left important records and the critics at present who look into those records, retrieve them out, and make them known in other forms. In this way, the value is preserved without the exact architecture and our society will benefit from it for a long period of time.

In sum, I insist that it is the critic who gives society something of lasting value  and the artist who gives the works of art something of lasting value. Admittedly, the work itself carries certain value which is endowed by the artist, but the society will not benefit from it without the help of the critics, who actually act like a bond between the society and the art.

hunter101020UID: 2591908

占位改Lizzytbl issue 144
The speaker denied(deny) the functions of the(没the) critics and ascribed the lasting value of works of art all to their creators. In my opinion, however, the value of works of art will not last forever without the help of critics, and the society will beneifit from art only after the critics interpreted it（逻辑上想表达的是 先理解再传递给公众 说清楚）.

Let's first consider what is the lasting value of art to society.（可以不要第一句 这样更顺一些） Art, as an issue of great importance to society, aims at providing certain aesthetic sense and adding harmonious elements to people's lives. （不知道这句是不是你自己写的 要不是一定要quote 其实写成quote还不错 这样这句还就不会很“跳” 至于什么是“跳”放在最后说）Meanwhile, it is created with a purpose to be valuable to generations but not only the tempory public, in order to be distinct from popular entertainment. Therefore, the artists exert various methods to make their works of eternal beauty, compatible with aesthetic views of many generations of the past or the future. Only when a sculpature is considered with enormous beauty from thousands years ago till now and even the future, making people all through the years pleasant, is it of lasting value to the society.（感觉这段借鉴的很多 借鉴可以 但心中要清楚为什么要说lasting value of art to society 单单是谈lasting value本身的话 内涵太广了 你是无法找到一个落脚点与下文联系的 ）
Nevertheless, a large number works(many artistic works ) are too abstract or （and）obscure for (common) people to understand and accordingly critics emerge serving as interpreters in another sense. They evaluate the works of art day and day, pass their interpretations down generation by generation, give people various angles to appreciate works of art and finally make the value of the works lasting. Or else, Picaso's famous picture is nothing more than a piece of paper,The Old Man and the Sea is nothing more than a tedious story, and Rodin's The Thinker is nothing more than a stone（举例太绝对了）. When we feel astonished by these master pieces of art we are actually amazed at the meanings of them interpreted by the critics（没有说服力 没有论证）. Though the meanings of the works are innitiated by the artists, they are not accessable without the intepreters, in which case, the value of the works is missing.（论述时要有条理 这样字数很容易上去 读起来也不累 先说critics的作用 再去说他们如何帮助大众理解 在举例
一步一步的递进）

Meanwhile, with the destruction of many important works of art, the value of such works will disappear if no comments or records are made by the critics.（不管这个论点是否属实 说明为什么是很重要的 critics做了什么？ 凭借他们独到的眼光。。。。。）
Architectures of the old times, for example, no longer exist in the world but gain great fame for their grandeur, why? I think （太没有说服力 你都不确定的东西怎么说服别人？）it may attribute to the critics at that time who left important records and the critics at present who look into those records, retrieve them out, and make them known in other forms. In this way, the value is preserved without the exact architecture and our society will benefit from it for a long period of time.这段有点偏 lasting value 呢？


In sum, I insist that it is the critic who gives society something of lasting value  and the artist who gives the works of art something of lasting value. Admittedly, the work itself carries certain value which is endowed by the artist, but the society will not benefit from it without the help of the critics, who actually act like a bond between the society and the art.
不管怎么说 这篇文章是critics与artist 之间的pk 落点在lasting value上 不能偏题 论述要有秩序 有条理 不要随便提出观点 这样会“节外生枝”比如 Art, as an issue of great importance to society, aims at providing certain aesthetic sense and adding harmonious elements to people's lives.这句 一个improtant 又一个 aim at 左一句右一句读起来很空 原因就在没有论述 和与文章观点的联系

hunter101020UID: 2591908

56 government should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

Should government focus on temporary problems or anticipated problems? In my point of view ,it is unwarranted to pay too much emphasize on either side .Both problems are very crucial for our society  which government should solve them from dialectic perspectives.

1 first and foremost the responsibility of government is to secure the interest of public ,prevent social members from anticipated threaten and ensure the constantly health development of mankind. From this aspect, there is no paradoxical relationship between solving the immediate problems and solving the anticipated ones to government. If the problem will bring the society with potential threatens or negative effects to its development and stable .Government should take actions to resolve it .
2 Apparently ,in many cases , ignorance of immediate problems can definitely cause problems ,even disaster to our society .In that case government should pay more attention on it rather than anticipated one . the problems Such as starving ,unemployment, poverty and lack of marketable skills , influence the fundamental rights of human beings. If we do not solve these problems at once ,these problems can cause unstable of society even corrupt of whole country. A vivid example was Depression in America in 1920 to1933 ,millions of people lost their employment and this disaster had widely spread to other country ,cause tremendous lost in the world. Moreover ,we should also realize that problems tend to be a vicious circle in which every term of the problems are interconnection and interdependent. Such as the problem of poverty both result in and result from environmental pollution ,over population may  cause environmental pollution, disease and poverty. Thus every single of problem in this type of  circle should be well resolved in early time.
3 On the other hand ,the urgent of solving immediate problem does not mean government can ignore the importance of preparation for future, even though the latter one was more urgent. Since the steadily development and harmony of one society needs government to foresee the probable problems and prepare the essential factors to achieve harmony in long run . An obvious example is the need for education. Every country take lots of emphasize on children. They provide huge amounts of  financial aid in college education ,cultivating high level faculty and encouraging the communication between college for knowing that the young people in temporary are the elites of nation in future. Taking care of the children are taking care of the future of nation. On the other hand ,there are also many potential threatens to our society which needs the government to find a way to resolve as soon as possible .The problem of energy may be a threaten to all human being. Every country actively find a new way to produce resources Solar energy ,nuclear energy and so on. And ironically, if we prepared for the serious problem at present ---- environmental pollution in time ,our surrounding problems should not have been so severe and difficult to resolve.
4 In addition, sometimes solving temporary problems can make benefits ,or even be in accord with solving the future problems. Such as making efforts in researching the way to cure AIDS ;finding a new way of acquiring energy ;developing nuclear techniques peacefully, all of these efforts are not only bring harmony and prosper to modern society ,but also send blessing to our future generations.

In sum, no matter immediately problem or anticipated problems ,government’s solitary aim is to count a balance between them in order to make sure the society can development constantly and steadily. Ignorance of either of them may prove to be harmful or even disaster to our society.

hunter101020UID: 2591908

103 The study of history have value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives.

According to this issue ,it seems to be reasonable that whether history is valuable or not depends on the extent it is relevant to daily lives. In my point of view ,I partly agree with this assertion .Actually , history provide lots of benefits which are not only confined within daily lives but many other aspect of the modern society .  

1Fist and foremost ,In many cases, history can provide people’s daily lives with examples directly and can also inspire us by learning about the famous figures in history. For history is the roadmap of mankind which recorded not only people’s behaviors but also their thoughts and feelings .By reading about the biography of Beethoven ,people can know about how tough and greats it was when Beethoven fighting with illness and destiny and get inspiration of how to face the difficult time during one’ life. By learning about Martin Luther King, we can find out how an individual contribute his own life into the fight for building an equal society .Those famous few often plays an crucial role in inspiring the common people and encouraging them to fight for their own life.
2.However ,sometimes history serve our daily lives from a broad view which are indirectly related to our daily. history bring our society lessons and warnings which prevent the society from repeating mistakes and consequently improve the whole society . During the Qing dynasty  China was extremely self blocked and never communicated to other countries which has already step into industrial revolution This fault leads to an weak and corrupt government and country. During the new times of China ,Chinese government quite aware of the history mistakes and actively communicate with other countries from many aspects :economy technology culture education and so on And these behaviors bring China many advanced techniques and theories which  lead to large achievement in building  the whole country ,improving the quality of national power .From this we can see that it is the history which bring the effective lessons to Chinese government. Without this ,China would still be in the state of weak and self blocked .So from this aspects ,study contains more value than individual’s inspiration.
3.In addition ,our ethics and moral standard are gradually formed during the long time of history which provide us with self identification. The social traditions and values are largely shared by social members which determine our judgment and choices potentially . These merits though have not relevant to our daily lives are very essential for every people. Spring festival is the most important festival in China .Every year on that day family members will get together to have dinner watch TV and enjoy the happiness with family members .Although the development of telecommunication has facilitated the conversation between people a lot ,this tradition has never changed  simply because the feeling and needs of self identification formed by history .People needs to enjoy the feeling of peace and love and the historical day ----- Spring festival just cater for their mental needs .

In sum ,study history has not only facilitated our daily lives but also provided inspiration and promotion with our society from a broad perspective . When it comes to judge the value of history ,we should evaluate from various aspects only in this the result can be comprehensive and the value of history can be make good use.

ningning86UID: 2518206

我来改134#.

56 government should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

Should government focus on temporary problems or anticipated problems? In my point of view ,it is unwarranted to pay too much emphasize on either side .Both problems are very crucial for our society  which government should solve them from dialectic perspectives.

1 first and foremost the responsibility of government is to secure the interest of public ,prevent social members from anticipated threaten and ensure the constantly health development of mankind. From this aspect, there is no paradoxical relationship between solving the immediate problems and solving the anticipated ones to government. If the problem will bring the society with potential threatens or negative effects to its development and stable .Government should take actions to resolve it .

2 Apparently ,in many cases , ignorance of immediate problems can definitely cause problems ,even disaster to our society .In that case government should pay more attention on it rather than anticipated one . the problems Such as starving ,unemployment, poverty and lack of marketable skills , influence the fundamental rights of human beings. If we do not solve these problems at once ,these problems can cause unstable of society even corrupt of whole country. A vivid example was Depression in America in 1920 to1933 ,millions of people lost their employment(job) and this disaster had widely spread to other country ,cause tremendous lost in the world. Moreover ,we should also realize that problems tend to be a vicious circle(不知道能不能这么形容，我查到有strange circle.) in which every term of the problems are interconnection and interdependent. Such as the problem of poverty both result in and result from environmental pollution ,over population may  cause environmental pollution, disease and poverty. Thus every single of problem in this type of  circle should be well resolved in early time.（这段的中心是什么，是让步承认immediate problem要快解决，还是说单纯解决immediate problem 没用。）

3 On the other hand ,the urgent of solving immediate problem does not mean government can ignore the importance of preparation for future, even though the latter（former） one was more urgent. Since the steadily development and harmony of one society needs government to foresee the probable problems and prepare the essential factors to achieve harmony in long run . An obvious example is the need for education. Every country take lots of emphasize on children. They provide huge amounts of  financial aid in college education ,cultivating high level faculty and encouraging the communication between college for knowing that the young people in temporary are the elites of nation in future. Taking care of the children are taking care of the future of nation. On the other hand (开头用了，换成however吧),there are also many potential threatens to our society which needs the government to find a way to resolve as soon as possible .The problem of energy may be a threaten to all human being. Every country actively find a new way to produce resources Solar energy ,nuclear energy and so on. And ironically, if we prepared for the serious problem at present ---- environmental pollution in time ,our surrounding problems should not have been so severe and difficult to resolve.（on the other hand之后的句子要说明什么？）

4 In addition, sometimes solving temporary problems can make benefits ,or even be in accord with solving the future problems. Such as making efforts in researching the way to cure AIDS ;finding a new way of acquiring energy ;developing nuclear techniques peacefully, all of these efforts are not only bring harmony and prosper to modern society ,but also send blessing to our future generations.

In sum, no matter immediately problem or anticipated problems ,government’s solitary aim is to count a balance between them in order to make sure the society can development constantly and steadily. Ignorance of either of them may prove to be harmful or even disaster to our society.

我觉得应该改一下顺序：1.紧急问题要处理：经济危机（原第二段）２．未来问题要考虑：教育，环境，能源（原第三段）３．二者没有矛盾，相互联系，都注意到社会才能稳步发展（原第一、四段）

开头和结尾没有大问题，举例充分。