Issue48【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第八次作业 by irvine666

irvine666UID: 2575525

反对：重心并没有偏差,历史是由少数人引领的
1.在君主制和奴隶制时代，绝大部分的历史就是歌颂少数人。
2.个人的历史故事更加适合大众的兴趣
3.研究个人成功的历史有助于产生更多的成功者

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 697          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2009-2-5 下午 10:42:07

Comprehending and analyzing the data from the past, human beings are able to conclude the experiences of their forebears to improve individuals and society. As heroes are regarded as the catalyst for advanced and civilized change, while the masses are considered as the foundation of that development, on which emphasis should the study of history places receives more controversial commentaries than any other disciplines. Though it is true that no social and technological improvement could come out without the efforts of multitudes, the heroes in the history, play a pivotal role in leading the trend of the times. (讨论问题背景，提出观点)

Were its conception defined as Michel Foucault's Analysis of Societal Communication and Debate, history is mainly the "science of the sovereign". In other words, written by the conquerors, the history itself has been utilized to extol the dominance hierarchy, to eclipse the failure, as well as to escalate the distance of position between governors and populace, which of course, place its emphasis on individuals. As most content of history is filled with the commentaries of the contributions or tribulations of individual, the historical researches inevitably focus on the stories of heroes or losers more than multitude. In addition, since only a few people could understand the disadvantages of society thoroughly, and further have spunk to fight for their idealities via long-term striving, no far-reaching revolution or reformation could occur without the effort and sacrifice of individuals. Turning England over to a republican Commonwealth, for example, Oliver Cromwell re-wrote history and then made his name and stories remembered in the world. Leading the Continental Army to victory over the Kingdom of Great Britain, George Washington brought independence, democracy, and freedom to the USA. The study of historical individuals --- most of them are heroes of course --- is consequently meaningful and significant for human beings.  （陈述个人历史的由来并强调个人的历史推动作用）

Taking popular interests into account, empirically, people prefer the stories about an individual winning in an international competition, earning a tremendous amount of wealth, or gaining stupendous achievement from an ignoble person by striving, fighting, and suffering, rather than the ones about a group of masses reinforced and supported that hero, by reason of most of them are normal multitude. These public interests force the study of history focus more on the individuals. Therefore, placing emphasis on individuals is rational and significant for fitting the common passions.（民众对个人的历史更感兴趣，从而导致历史研究重心的偏离，客观原因）

Emphasizing on individuals could be even optimistic in inciting more heroes to emerge. Realizing that by hard working and arduous striving, one can do the trick as the heroes in the history, no matter how underprivileged he/she is, people, especially the adolescent and the adult could regard these individuals as quintessence and be encouraged to fight for the final triumph. Considering as another direction, some may put forward that the historic stories of individuals are perhaps contain something shabby, sinister, and disgraced, which are harmful, passive and adverse for citizens to establish correct world view and philosophy. These viewpoints may be cogent. Nonetheless, they failed to consider that the essential purport of the study of history for people is to absorb experiences and lessons. When Delora Evans, A homeless, crack-addicted ex-convict, stopped using drugs for good, the stories about historical politicians, scientists, and entrepreneurs accompanied her to go through hard-times of her life. Being encouraged to be a useful people, she became unshakably committed to college to endeavor to help others beat their habit. 4 years later, she graduated magna cum laude from the University with a degree in rehabilitation studies. Evans would be regarded as a historical hero in the realm of getting rid of addiction, and the stories of her would impact on other drug addict. Hence it is self-evident that the stories of individuals in the study of history are utilized to serve the pursuit of being success.（陈述个人的历史教育意义能促进更多的人走向成功，偏重研究个人历史的主观原因）

As is mentioned above, while concerning it is individuals, not multitude, that lead the development and progress of society, technology, science and so on, no evidence could demonstrate that the study of historical individuals is overemphasis. Diverse and complex discipline as history is, for the requirement of faster social and personal development in modern epoch, people should be conservative, and focus mainly on the historical individual learning.

jenny11235UID: 2585428

1# irvine666

Issue48【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第八次作业 by irvine666
本帖最后由 irvine666 于 2009-2-6 02:17 编辑

反对：重心并没有偏差,历史是由少数人引领的
1.在君主制和奴隶制时代，绝大部分的历史就是歌颂少数人。
2.个人的历史故事更加适合大众的兴趣
3.研究个人成功的历史有助于产生更多的成功者

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 697          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2009-2-5 下午 10:42:07

Comprehending and analyzing the data from the past, human beings are able to conclude the experiences of their forebears to improve individuals and society. As heroes are regarded as the catalyst （catalysts）for advanced and civilized change, while the masses(mass) are considered as the foundation of that development, on which emphasis should the study of history places receives more controversial commentaries than any other disciplines.（play emphasis on 这个短语但你这句话究竟怎么意思看了好久都不懂还should 还place 加s？receive加s？） Though it is true that no social and technological improvement could come out(可以和improvement搭配？建议是attain或achieve，improvement in /on…) without the efforts of multitudes, the heroes in the history, （no 和
Without两个抵消成肯定）play a pivotal role in leading the trend of the times. (讨论问题背景，提出观点)

Were its conception defined as （in）Michel Foucault's Analysis of Societal Communication and Debate, history is mainly the "science of the sovereign". In other words, written by the conquerors, the history itself （去掉）has been utilized to extol the dominance hierarchy, to eclipse the failure, as well as to escalate the distance of position between governors and populace, which of course, place its emphasis on individuals.（这里的which是指history吧？那应该紧跟history，否则就是修饰前面整句话，问题很大~） As most content of history is filled with the commentaries of the contributions or tribulations of individual, the historical researches inevitably focus on the stories of heroes or losers more than multitude. In addition, since only a few people could understand the disadvantages of society（社会还有优缺点？） thoroughly, and further（不能既and 又further） have spunk （and前后时态不一致）to fight for their idealities via long-term striving, no far-reaching revolution or reformation could occur without the effort and sacrifice of individuals. （1， 句子结构不平衡，头重脚轻。）Turning England over to a republican Commonwealth, for example, Oliver Cromwell re-wrote history and then made his name and stories remembered in（by） the world. Leading the Continental Army to victory over the Kingdom of Great Britain, George Washington brought independence, democracy, and freedom to the USA. The study of historical individuals --- most of them are heroes of course --- is consequently meaningful and significant for human beings.  （陈述个人历史的由来并强调个人的历史推动作用）

Taking popular interests into account, empirically, people prefer the stories about an individual winning in an international competition, earning a tremendous amount of wealth, or gaining stupendous achievement from an ignoble person by striving, fighting, and suffering, rather than the ones about a group of masses reinforced and supported that hero, by reason of most of them are normal multitude. These public interests force the study of history focus more on the individuals. Therefore, placing emphasis on individuals is rational and significant for fitting the common passions.（民众对个人的历史更感兴趣，从而导致历史研究重心的偏离，客观原因）

Emphasizing on individuals could be even optimistic in（有利于可以这么表示？） inciting more heroes to emerge. Realizing that by hard working and arduous striving, one can do the trick as the heroes in the history, no matter how underprivileged he/she is, people,（和one不一致改为ones） especially the adolescent and the adult could regard these individuals as quintessence and be encouraged to fight for the final triumph.（1 本人看10遍没懂，句子语法很多问题，前面can， 后面could，前面one，后面【people而且，想说的意思太多全糅杂在一句话实在很难表达，结构realizing后不能再接宾语从句独立主格用法错误 ） Considering as another direction, some may put forward that the historic stories of individuals are perhaps contain something shabby, sinister, and disgraced, which are harmful, passive and adverse for citizens to establish correct world view and philosophy. These viewpoints may be cogent. Nonetheless, they failed to consider that the essential purport of the study of history for people is to absorb experiences and lessons. When Delora Evans, A homeless, crack-addicted ex-convict, stopped using drugs for good, the stories about historical politicians, scientists, and entrepreneurs accompanied her to go through hard-times of her life. Being encouraged to be a useful people, she became unshakably committed to college to endeavor to help others beat their habit. 4 years later, she graduated magna cum laude from the University with a degree in rehabilitation studies. Evans would be regarded as a historical hero in the realm of getting rid of addiction, and the stories of her （her story）would impact on other drug addict(addicts). Hence（逗号） it is self-evident that the stories of individuals in the study of history (什么意思？)are utilized to serve （served as ）the pursuit of being success.（这里的例子能否简练点，因为你要支持观点，不是要把例子写的多么出彩）（陈述个人的历史教育意义能促进更多的人走向成功，偏重研究个人历史的主观原因）

As is mentioned above, while concerning （谁concerning？）it is individuals（It is dogs, not pigs,不对吧？到底几条狗？）, not multitude, （本身就强调句就不用再单独强调了吧？）that lead the development and progress of society, technology, science and so on, no evidence could demonstrate that the study of （on）historical individuals is overemphasis.（be an overemphasis on） （这句话还是不要在I中出现吧，要是作者给你evidences,不成A 了？这题要是再讨论什么叫overemphasis也不是很好因为之前一点铺垫都没有）Diverse and complex discipline as history is, for the requirement of faster social and personal development in modern epoch, people should be conservative,（and focus mainly on the historical individual learning.
这篇文章看出S同学是动脑筋了，每隔几句话就是大量的词语排比，不过我觉得是不是用的太多了，纠缠在这种词语的替换我不觉得明智。
逻辑我没仔细看，还好，因为我还没写这篇文章，这已经耗费好多精力了，感觉你句子写的太长了。