issue130【09GRE作文冲刺组】rato2月28日作文

ratoUID: 2563435

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."




There is a growing public concern over the issue of the socialization of children. The speaker asserts two statements in distinct respects. He claims that the future of society depends on how children are socialized, which I disagree, while considering that we have not yet get the hang of instructing children to generate a better society, which I fundamentally agree.

First of all I must admit that children who have been well socialized can deal with many situations, like negotiating with their peers while there is contradiction as well as respecting others' religious customs, relaxed. However, whether an individual contribute to form a better society does not simply hinge on the degree of socialization. Archimedes's contributions sprang primarily the result of his interest in mathematics, which had more to do with parental influence than with socialization among Alexandra, where converges various scientists and has advanced literature, mathematics, astronomy and medical science. In spite of the harsh demand from the dean and the coldly treatment of society, Mozart composed a great quantity of gorgeous opuses, which is connected with his raw talent instead of socialization. An even more extraordinary instance was Mahatma Gandhi, whose contributions sprang mainly from the courage of his inner conviction, in spite of his appropriate socialization among the surroundings in which he grow up.

To consider with the other standpoint of the speaker, it overstates the situation in some extent. As far as I concern, "better society" can be characterized as better cooperation, better environment, better development of science and peaceful coexistence of multiple culture, at that point the children of recent several decades do making society better and better. On the other hand, I have to point out that we have not yet know the best approach of raising children to bring about a better society. As the development of some nations and the increasingly population, more and more families have an only child, which result in the incompetence of children to associate with their peers. Meanwhile, schools merely educate them doctrinaire knowledge rather than pragmatic skills. That how can an individual grow into a real guy?

In sum, the socialization of children is not the only determination of society's destiny, some other factors, such as parental influence, raw talent and inner conviction, must be considered. Further more, we can bring up children to generate a better society by means of instruct them more practical skills.

tanyujing2UID: 2600111

There is a growing public concern(一定要用concerning记住哦，在there be 的句型当中不能出现两个谓语，因为BE本来就是谓语) over the issue of the socialization of children. The speaker asserts two statements in distinct respects. He claims that the future of society depends on how children are socialized, which I disagree, while considering that we have not yet get the hang of instructing children to generate a better society, which I fundamentally agree.
你的开头挺简洁的，就是稍稍有点生硬，有点像A的开头~

First of all I must admit that children who have been well socialized can deal with many situations, like negotiating with their peers while *（改成where)there is contradiction as well as respecting others' religious customs, relaxed. However, whether an individual contribute to form a better society does not simply hinge on the degree of socialization. Archimedes's contributions sprang primarily the result of his interest in mathematics, which had more *（改成nothin)to do with parental influence than with socialization among Alexandra, where converges有点奇怪这里 various scientists and has advanced literature, mathematics, astronomy and medical science. In spite of the harsh demand from the dean and the coldly 改（cold) treatment of society, Mozart composed a great quantity of gorgeous opuses, which is connected with his raw talent instead of socialization. An even more extraordinary instance was Mahatma Gandhi, whose contributions sprang mainly from the courage of his inner conviction, in spite of his appropriate socialization among the surroundings in which he grow up.
这一段是否定作者所下的结论，但是建议不要用例子叠加，要多论述~

To consider with the other standpoint of the speaker, it overstates the situation in some extent. As far as I concern, "better society" can be characterized as better cooperation, better environment, better development of science and peaceful coexistence of multiple culture, at that point the children of recent several decades do making society better and better. On the other hand, I have to point out that we have not yet know the best 少用极端词汇哈~approach of raising children to bring about a better society. As the development of some nations and the increasingly population, more and more families have an only child, which result in the incompetence of children to associate with their peers. Meanwhile, schools merely基本是是一个否定词，就用ONLY好了~ educate them doctrinaire knowledge rather than pragmatic skills. That how can an individual grow into a real guy?
这一段的论述稍显着急，个人认为，你可以这样说“因为我们overstate这样的情形——“better society"的定义要求我们怎么怎么做（说具体一点）——而且事实上，我们是没有做好（说一说我们的缺陷）——我们要做XX事情的原因是这个社会需要的是应用能力，而通过XX事，孩子的实践能力提高了，他们才能MAKE CONTRIBUTIONS  (有时候感觉I和A有相通的地方，就是不断的把自己的逻辑理清楚，把一个话题说得明白没有明显的缺陷~）

In sum, the socialization of children is not the only determination of society's destiny, some other factors, such as parental influence, raw talent and inner conviction, must be considered. Further more, we can bring up children to generate a better society by means of instruct them more practical skills.
结尾很简洁~~

没有事的，我原来第一次写的时候连句子都扯不清的~~
加油啊，你什么时候考？

ratoUID: 2563435

我要提問噢
1，concern不是可以作名詞嘛
2，關於開頭哈，我想不到什麽可說就只有概括和表態一下了，囧
3，第二段開頭，我想說“當出現爭執的時候要懂得談判”，爲什麽要用where咧
4，next被指出的地方，我是想說他的成功是父母的影響而不是社會化的結果，是“more”吧？
5，有點奇怪的那裡我也覺得奇怪哈，我想說Alexandra那個地方雲集了眾多科學家等，不知道怎么用從句

非常感謝你提的建議哈
我323
你咧