【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】0228号作业sue-ella

sue-ellaUID: 2558364

There are certain considerations or factors that many young people think that they should try as many different jobs as they can.In their opinion,the experiences of different jobs can help them find the fittest job.On the other hand,more careers mean more chances.For my honesty,in the other words,I don't think that's a good idea for young people.Trying different jobs is not a perfect choice for younker.

As we know,our time and energy are limited.So trying too many jobs menas that we should separate our time and energy into pieces.I don't think that we can get good score when we just pay a little attention to the job.At the same time,touching with a job in limited time also means that we could know much little it.Maybe just before you enjoy it,you have finished it already.My english teacher told me that she didn't like her job at first,but after a period,she found that the teaching job was quite suited her.Therefore I think pay more attention to one job is a better decision.

Whatever,while we choice a job,our personality and advantage should be considered.Everyone has their advantages and disadvantages.So even s/he doesn't try a job,we can make sure whether the job suits her/him or not.If one is outgoing,she couldn't be librarian.And as the same reason,a person who is not good at communication can't be a seller.So we needn't try so much jobs.

If a person hold the opinion that young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term,it would be easy for them to give up the work they have now.Sometimes they will find out that the last job is suited to them .But at that time,they couldn't come back and get the last job again.

In conclusion,I don't agree with the point that we should try as different jobs as we can.Although sometimes this could help us find our positions,it also means that we miss many good chances for ourselves.

ddcmj519UID: 176326

1.整体看来，内容的分配不均，分段一过长，其他的过短。
2.人称。。混乱，we，the young, you混在一起，不好，建议改进
3.语法错误过多。拉去word先修改下。。choice  a job... everyone---their??等  都是错的。。
4.用词重复
5.语法不扎实不建议写这种长句JIf a person holds the opinion that young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term,it would be easy for them to give up the work they have now.错很多。。。指代也不清。
6.个人觉得分论2，3论点不是很清晰。

语法问题很严重。。当务之急。。其次需要提升语言和内容。