ARGUMENT242【DIES IN FLAMES 0910G长线突破组】TASK I 艾尘草

艾尘草UID: 2591798

The editorial argues that the institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveten’s to combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and the university students. To support the benefits of the honor codes, the author deemed that it works in a more effective way and had proved very successful. However, a serious of unsubstantiated assumption, which is considered unconvincing, is indicated.
First of all, the dramatic rise of cheating among college and university student may not only attributes to the old-fashion system. As the old-saying goes, a person of character would not cheat.
Although mankind has undergone no general improvement in intelligence , it has made extraordinary progress in the means of cheating. Without ruling on other possible reasons (e.g. increase of  the mankind morality ) for the increase, the honor codes can not convince me on the promising declination of the cheating among students.
Secondly, even if the rise could be ascribed to the old-fashioned system, no evidence can approve the honor codes works better than the old one. We are not informed whether the survey responses’ number. In this event, the survey results would be unreliable for the purpose that draws any conclusions that the honor codes have more preferences than the old one.
Thirdly, in recommending the honor codes, it fails to consider other possible reasons of the declination. We must provide clear evidence that the decreasing of cheating is only related to the new system not the other one.
In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To convince me that system would be effective for reducing the dramatic rise cheating, the survey should provide more detailsand determine not only the honor codes should be taken.


纯粹的新手~完全CET 的水准~~..
给修改的XDJM带了麻烦了~~~~

vidyaUID: 2599950

The editorial argues that the institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveten’s to combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and the university students. To support the benefits of the honor codes, the author deemed that it works in a more effective way and had proved very successful. However, a serious of unsubstantiated assumption, which is considered unconvincing, is indicated.

First of all, the dramatic rise of cheating among college and university student may not only attributes to the old-fashion system. As the old-saying goes, a person of character would not cheat.

Although mankind has undergone no general improvement in intelligence , it has made extraordinary progress in the means of cheating.（这句话用的很好，不知出自哪？） Without ruling on other possible reasons (e.g. increase of  the mankind morality ) for the increase, the honor codes can not convince me on the promising declination of the cheating among students.（说点愚见，感觉这段和批判honor code并不成功没有什么关系，有点走题。）

Secondly, even if the rise could be ascribed to the old-fashioned system, no evidence can approve the honor codes works better than the old one. We are not informed whether the survey responses’ number. In this event, the survey results would be unreliable for the purpose that draws any conclusions that the honor codes have more preferences than the old one.

Thirdly, in recommending the honor codes, it fails to consider other possible reasons of the declination. We must provide clear evidence that the decreasing of cheating is only related to the new system not the other one.

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To convince me that system would be effective for reducing the dramatic rise cheating, the survey should provide more detailsand determine not only the honor codes should be taken.


感觉整篇文章的结构显得有点混乱，还有就是论点缺乏具体事例支持，估计小草童鞋的问题和我一样，也是不知道该如何组织语言举出具体事例对论点进行延伸，才导致篇幅这么小。看来我们俩还都需要继续努力啊！

yuyu7yayaUID: 2461700

The editorial argues that the institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveten’s to combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and the university students. To support the benefits of the honor codes, the author deemed that it works in a more effective way and had proved（应该是had been proved吧） very successful. However, a serious（是想说一系列的吗？是series） of unsubstantiated assumption, which is considered unconvincing, is indicated.
（我觉得引用题目中的话时可以替换一些形容词动词之类的，让它看上去更像是自己概括的，而不是照抄的。）
First of all, the dramatic rise(和第一段的用词重复，换成spectacular rise 可好？) of cheating among college and university students may not only attribute to（这个词组好，让我学习一下） the old-fashion system. As the old-saying goes, a person of character would not cheat.（嗯！） Although mankind has undergone no general improvement in intelligence , it has made extraordinary progress in the means of cheating.（这句话，貌似不能拿来直接反驳的吧。没有证据支持呢。） Without ruling on（这个好哇，学习一下！） other possible reasons (e.g. increase of the mankind morality（道德能用increase修饰吗？是不是改成 improvement？） ) for the increase（这个increase是指什么？）, the honor codes can not convince（这个词是不是出现频率过高了？） me on the promising declination of the cheating among students.
这段话，和主题的关系不大吧……，嗯，个人认为。
Secondly, even if the rise could be ascribed to（继续学习！） the old-fashioned system, no evidence can approve the honor codes works（重复使用了，换个词，如take effect？） better than the old one. We are not informed whether the survey responses’ number（这句话没看懂，主谓宾不全吧……）. In this event, the survey result would be unreliable for the purpose that draws any conclusion that the honor codes have more preferences than the old one.（我觉得这the purpose that draws any conclusion这里有问题，可是我也不知道怎么改……）
Thirdly, in recommending the honor codes, it fails to consider other possible reasons of the declination. We must provide clear evidence that the decreasing of cheating is only related to the new system not the other one.
既然驳论点已经抛出，就应该展开论证了哇。怎么就完结了呢？？
In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands.（学习！） To convince me that system would be effective for reducing the dramatic rise cheating, the survey should provide more details and determine not only the honor codes should be taken.（这个结论是怎么得出的？）

文章的很大篇幅都在驳honor codes比the old-fashion systerm 好的观点，其他的漏洞没有抨击到呢。
倒数第二段虽然考虑到了除honor codes之外的其他影响因素，但可惜的是没有充分的论证。
另外就是，段与段之间的逻辑性不强，看起来各个驳论点都是并列展开的。我觉得这篇文章非常适合层层递进反驳的。
在遣词造句上，嗯……用词比较单调。积累一些同义词换着用会让你的文章更具变化性哦！
如果改的有错误的地方，还请多多包涵哈，水平有限！

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

The editorial argues that the institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveten’s to combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and the university students. To support the benefits of the honor codes, the author deemed that it works（worked） in a more effective way and had proved very successful. However, a serious of unsubstantiated assumption, which is considered unconvincing, is indicated.


First of all, the dramatic rise of cheating among college and university student(-s) may not only attributes to the old-fashion system. As the old-saying goes, a person of character would not cheat.
Although mankind has undergone no general improvement in intelligence , it has made extraordinary progress in the means of cheating. Without ruling on other possible reasons (e.g. increase of  the mankind morality ) for the increase, the honor codes can not convince me on the promising declination of the cheating among students.


Secondly, even if the rise could be ascribed to the old-fashioned system, no evidence can approve the honor codes works better than the old one. We are not informed whether the survey responses’ number.(费解。。。) In this event, the survey results would be unreliable for the purpose that draws any conclusions that the honor codes have more preferences than the old one.


Thirdly, in recommending the honor codes, it fails to consider other possible reasons of the declination. We must provide clear evidence that the decreasing of cheating is only related to the new system not the other one.


In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To convince me that system would be effective for reducing the dramatic rise cheating, the survey should provide more detailsand determine not only the honor codes should be taken.
Summary：有改的不对的地方多多包涵哈~

这个。。。。正如LZJJ所云，这真是篇标准的四级作文，是我改的文章里词法语法句法错误最少的！！我要赞的是，艾尘草JJ的英语基本功真的很扎实！

However，逻辑上就问题了
to be honest,你的每一段都象是正版阿狗中的TS，都是点一下但不展开说，没有具体的分析，读过之后还是不觉着原文到底咋不能证明那个conclusion了，泛泛而谈，没有说服力。e.g.你在第二段中反复提到other possible reasons，却只给了个（）予以举例，这个。。。。这个其实正是应展开的重点啊

另，比较奇特的是，你是第一个从the old-fashion system. 这个角度来驳的，无可厚非，但似乎没抓住重点。In my opinion，这个阿狗题目中应主要攻击也是比较好攻击的两个点就是“the contrast”&“the survey
”

.而且，在secondly中的逻辑很让人费解，你的意思是“就算rise是the old-fashion system导致的，也不能说honor codes就会（在降低方面）起到更好的效果”？？？？首先，原文中并没有说是the old-fashion system导致了rise，你可能理解有误，原文只是说这种old-fashion system没起到什么作用从而引出honor codes的所谓的关键性作用；其次，就算原文有这个意思，你的那句话中前后有何逻辑关系？？

最后的总结段更让人纠结，你给阿狗的作者提出了如何让TA的文章说服你的建议，而这正是需要你在自己的文章中表达的啊

额。。。我只是凭自己对阿狗的一点理解说话，说的不对的地方JJ千万莫生气昂，after all，偶也是新手~

艾尘草UID: 2591798

2# vidya
谢谢啊~一起努力~呵呵

艾尘草UID: 2591798

3# yuyu7yaya
很佩服你的文章水平~呵呵~希望今后多多指教 大家加油哈~

艾尘草UID: 2591798

4# 米饭袜子
谢谢了~你的指正很正确，我自己看来也觉得逻辑上很有问题:dizzy: ~
加油啊~